Is it ok if my boyfriend ask me to clean his house?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend asked me if I can clean his house. I only visit his flat like 2 times a week. And now he told me, I have a task for you, can you clean the house? I already did it but I felt degraded.

[Shizunk]

It is perfectly ok for him to ask and for you to politely decline. If you feel degraded, that pretty much settles it.
For context, I am a traditionally thinking man. I expect a woman to move in with me, and eventually become a housewife and take care of such things.
I would still be embarrassed if I asked a girlfriend to clean for me while we are only dating and living separately. She is a partner, not a house elf.
From this perspective, if he thinks he will be able to ask you to take care of cleaning for him in the future, you should probably make sure both of you agree on what that far future looks like. If he wants to offer to support you financially and you want to accept and then will feel ok with cleaning, that is one thing. Still a matter of a negotiation, but then his request at least makes sense.
If you both expect to mostly keep your jobs, I can't imagine any excuse he could have to try to push the chores on you, while providing nothing in particular in exchange. Especially in such a case saying no early and asking why he would even expect cleaning of you should be a good move, so that you are not surprised later.

[boggboss]

You set your own standerds no point asking others if that OK or not u should tell us if that was OK or not

[Asker]

So im letting this guy be little me. I felt upset of him asking me to do that.

[boggboss]

So speak to him about how that made u feel and dont do it again rhis is a relationship not slavery u have the ability to say no

[Asker]

Ok thank you. But u know im afraid i might offend him or something.

[boggboss]

Then your in a shit relationship as u clearly don't see him as equal but above you how will this relationship ever work if your afraid to speak your mind 😑

[Asker]

Hey thanks for that. I actually feel like shit. Breaking up with him and crawling back in. I know it is all my fault for letting him treating me this way. Im finding it hard to resist him. Wtf haha

[boggboss]

Need to understand your worth set standards and boundaries and stick to them nobody will stand up for you if u don't do it yourself he won't have your best intentions so if u want to be treated fairly act in that way

[Asker]

Thanks man 🥲🥲🥲

[boggboss]

👍🏽 Good luck

[skyeee01]

I think this is a really hard situation! My boyfriend goes to uni so as you can imagine he is always studying, doing placement etc so sometimes he struggles to keep on top of keeping things tidy. Therefore when i visit if he asks me to help him tidy up i do or i tell him i'll do it when he's at a lecture etc to help him out, i know he stressed enough anyways.
On the other hand if your boyfriend comes home and does nothing or puts other priorities like seeing friends above cleaning his house, but expects you to clean that not okay! he's just being lazy in that case tell him to do it himself, especially if he is constantly asking you. Sometimes to help him out yes all the time? No, you're nor his maid or mother and neither do you live there!

[Fireguy17]

oh boy, that can be a tough one.
It might depend on how long you have been seeing him, how often you are ther, you mentioned 2 days a week, so unless you want 1 more place to clean this might become a regur thing, so just becareful, and if you have limits about this express them to him now!

[Asker]

Yes 2 times a week and not even a whole day. Be there by afternoon and be gone at night coz I have shift.

[spartan55]

You should have laughed him out of his flat. Ask him to repair your car next time for free. Fair is fair right?

[Asker]

Hehehehe

[Jlegacy]

As long as it is okay for him to do chores in your house. The bible never said girlfriend submit to your boyfriend. Until marriage, you have to just be yourself. If it is something you want to do for love's sake, ride on.

It can be a seed that can set you up for life.

[tatianamay]

Your boyfriend seems like a very lazy young man.

He seems extremely immature and you should never entertain this type of behavior from anyone. Whether he loves you or not, that is a different story, a person can love you and still treat you like crap and that is not okay. You are not his servant and he is not a King or a Prince.

[tatianamay]

Also, you do not live in his house. If you did live in his house, then you guys should split the household chores. Since you do not, he should clean it up himself.

Or

As someone on here suggested, ask him to clean your bathroom or repair your car whenever he comes to visit you.. or just anytime in general

[Anonymous]

Nope. He should have been like, can you help me clean the house? Let’s engaged in regular couple challenge or something of that sort. What are you? His maid? Spending you weekend clean up his weekly mess? And please don’t tell me he watched you while you performed the challenge?

[Asker]

He was at work. The reason is i am finding it hard to say no

[Opinion Owner]

It’s okay. There’s nothing we can do about it now so don’t bother yourself too much. Just see it as you were at your best self with you genuine intentions.
Next time he says it again just tell him you have been thinking the same and how his place needs deep cleaning. Call for the cleaning services and pay from his card. He will not bring it up again.
You gotta find a way.
My roommate use to do this to me since I was naive I wouldn’t get the tricks until one day I called the cleaning services and told her to make a online payment as they wouldn’t take cash and my account didn’t have enough.
She would call me and be like how her friends were coming over and if it was possible for me to clean up the place, they insisted and she couldn’t say no, whereas she was messy af and contributed the most to the mess around and I was so damn naive I’d fall for it every single time. The whole place would be cleaned up and then she would make some excuse how she succeeded at dodging them. Maybe yours isn’t the same issue, but you too are cleaning someone’s weekly mess like I would on my off day. Be vocal about it or find a smart way to deal with it. 💚

[Asker]

Thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️ i wish i have the guts to say NO without offending him

[Opinion Owner]

Happy to be of some suggestive help.
However, you aren’t related to him, not being able to say will only put you in a tough spot in the future. Don’t this too yourself. Don’t offend your soul just bcz you can’t offend some stranger who now happens to be your boyfriend. Love isn’t the only thing, there are many other aspects too in a relationship. I am sure you will figure a smart way out! ❤️❤️

[Asker]

Thank youu ❤️❤️❤️

[humpbackjack]

Is he sick or injured or does he pay your bills or maybe planning to pay you to clean if not tell him to fuck off

[NewgodX]

Unless you like living In a dirty house I think that's normal and yeah he can help too

[CoolGuy7532]

Yeah, that's pretty lame. He should clean his own place. I would turn him down if he asks again. You're not his maid.

[Mangospacho]

That’s not ok. If anything, he should be treating you to a clean house while you’re dating. If he’s doing this already, he is going to expect you to be his maid once things get really serious.

[anylolone]

Just say no. It's ok to ask.

I was the one who cleansed my 2nd girlfriend's flat, as one example.

Just don't fall into my mistake and do it all the time, bad idea to generate dependency.

[noohair]

If you feel degraded, I will support that feeling. There is some dynamic of power or control going on, in my humble opinion.

[Slayerrrrrrr]

Hell nahhhh. Tell his lazy ass to hire a maid or clean that shit himself, you're not his mother.😔

[Asker]

Does love matter at this? Because I eventually did it but felt bad after doing it because I felt very low.

[Slayerrrrrrr]

So you did something that made you feel low because you saw it like a love matter?

As far as I know, love shouldn't have that effect on you.

[Asker]

Yes. Because last time when he was at work I clean his house without him asking me and i dont feel the same way i felt right now. But when He asked me to clean the house I felt low.

[Slayerrrrrrr]

Your overcomplicating it.
I don't know what you're asking now.
If you're ok with feeling low by doing that be my guest

[Asker]

Ok. Lesson learned 🥲

[Honesttguy]

No no. Listen there is difference when u decided to clean it cus of love you feel good. I have done this. But when someone says hey clean house its no longer from love its from domination and energy is gone, cus then its job.

[Honesttguy]

You have to tell him that you will clean his house when you decide to do it not when he decides. Its not his choice to make, its yours in this way you will not lose your power and will not feel low/degraded.

[Asker]

Exactly what i felt when i was cleaning his house when he did not ask me to. I did it several times but i got tired for the 3rd time, so this time he ask me to clean because i no longer clean his flat. I know i was the one at fault at some point

[Hangry06]

He's probably checking your cleaning skills for the future. Hope you win💐

[Anonymous]

ew lol. you say you felt upset but you still acted like a servant (for free)

[Opinion Owner]

you'd be an amazing wife to assholes if you're that afraid to say no...

[Asker]

Thats what upset me. Because I know I should not do it but I still did it coz I don’t want him to be upset with me

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Hire a maid & have them send the bill to him.

[FunkyMonkee]

Sure, but that doesn't mean you have to!

[Jamie05rhs]

Did he pay you? If not, break up with him.

[Wise4myage]

Unless he's gonna pay you, then say no.

[Anonymous]

Sounds awesome to me but then again im a dude haha

[Anonymous]

Not really.