Boyfriend gets the urge to clean only when I come over or we have other plans. Otherwise his place is always a mess. Am I in the wrong for being mad?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is a pretty messy person due to his depression. His room is swamped with random stuff, food wrappers, clutter... Etc. I noticed he never cleans before I come over. Instead he gets the random urge to clean only when I'm present and then instead of spending that time doing other stuff, I either have to watch him clean for a period of time or help him out to speed up the process. I asked him why he only gets the urge to clean when I'm over and he said it's because he feels bad that I have to be in the messy place and that I deserve better, but he doesn't think about it other times. Now I'm upset. Am I in the wrong?

[libsaretards]

I would not necessarily say you are in the wrong. You care about him and if he ONLY cleans when you are around then what will happen when he gets comfortable around you and reverts to his old habits even with you around?

However, I do think you are maybe a little harsh on him.

Try this: Next time you go to his place, ask him to not bother with the cleaning and to sit and talk with you instead. Reassure him how much you love him, then talk about his depression and try to steer him into getting help. If he is afraid, offer to go with him to therapy if he is open to it. Tell him you need a man who loves himself as well as you. Tell him things you love about him and how him getting help for his depression can make those traits even stronger. This loving approach might light a fire in him. If not then you need to accept he will not change and then make your decisions based on that.

[Anonymous]

Upset because he only does it for you? Honestly, that's impressive and shows he cares. Many guys including myself, HATE cleaning with a passion. Add depression to the mix and I'm not surprised he doesn't do it. Even without depression, it's hard to "make" yourself clean (for many guys). I hate it (but love and want a clean place, just hate cleaning). So you're not "wrong" per say, but maybe change how you're looking at this because this shows he cares about you to some degree. He won't clean for himself, but he will for you!

[Anonymous]

you're right to worry, but wrong to be mad. he's really not at fault here. depression affects motivation and energy; lack of both make it extremely hard to complete even basic daily tasks. he's not doing it on purpose. him only cleaning when you're present because he thinks 'you deserve better' obviously means he's afraid to disappoint you. he cares enough about you to try to work against his issues. the best thing you could do is find professional help for him. other than that, offer help with tasks. let him know you care and listen to him.

[Anonymous]

He’s using you to clean his room. Typical male. They’re all bitches.

[Opinion Owner]

He’s just hoping you’ll end up doing most of the work.

[Bob92220]

I didn't realize typical males are bitches. Where have you been meeting these men? Are you in the military?

[Opinion Owner]

Doesn’t matter where. Like I said, it’s all of them.

[Ευδεμονια]

I sincerely think you’re right to worry for him, since it’s unhealthy to live in such a mess. I can imagine the dust and the dirt of his room. It’s an issue about self respect and self care to clean the place you live in, maybe he doesn’t understand that cleaning his place only for your dates is a sign of low self respect.

[EyeKnowMeNahYou]

Yes you're wrong for being mad it's his place, and his place is designed to be at his place now when you have guests over yes if you want your place to be a place in which someone can be comfortable so therefore you clean it. His responsibility as to his place. His obligation is to clean his place whenever he feels guests are coming over. His priorities or his place. You can be mad but do you have any merit in being mad, I'm going to say no

[ImJustSomeGuyLol]

Nah, you ain't wrong. Bro needs to step his shit up and so do I 😅

[Anonymous]

You're free to think anything you want, it not your place though so what you think is kind of irrelevant. It's not wrong, but kind of pointless to get upset about.

[OddBeMe]

you're mad that he doesn't clean when you're not there?

[PatriceONeal]

He cleaned to make a good impression on you and you got mad at him for that. He should leave you..

[kinggeorge007]

Ask he needs is some treatment for his depression.

[Straight2thepoint]

U said it depression.

[Wise4myage]

No, you should be impress that he cares.

[Anonymous]

Just break up with him.

[phortez]

No. You're right.