He didn't come home until 6 am, advice?

[joyelizabeth]

He went out with his friends last night to see a band and then to hang out at his friends house (which I am unhapppy about ). He sent me a text at 1 am saying that he had too much to drink and is sleeping at his friends house. He cane home around 6 and came up to my bed to cuddle, but I couldn't be more turned off. This bothers me for several reasons.

# 1 he canceled plans with me to hang out with his friends

#2 I would never stay at a friends house if I knew he was home

waiting for me

#3 I am a little suspicious of where he really was, like was he with another girl

#4 I told him at the beginning of this relationship that I am not looking to be with someone who goes out all of the time to party. I want a serious relationship. And when he stays out all night, it just shows me that he still wants to go out and have a good time.

I see the writing on the wall, and I think that he is not ready to stop going out as much.

What should I do? This behavior of his is not OK with me. I want to talk to him, but I do not know what to say.

[DebiPie]

If he's only cancelled plans with you once, then this isn't a big deal at all. It sounds like something came up & he wanted to do it. That happens or will with your friends too. And if he drank too much, good for him for not driving. And he called you to tell you where he was & what was going on. You could have said you'd go pick him up, you know?

If you trust him and he doesn't do this all of the time, it's OK.

Don't lay down the law to him. You will come off as controlling and demanding. You could say that you hope that doesn't happen too often because you like your time together so much. Remember, you are his girlfriend, not his mom.

[DebiPie]

thanks

[nordicjan]

Be very firm that this ends now or you are gone. You can't let him have it both ways. it's like dealing with a child. Once you let them have their way, you can never get them back under control except by really extreme measures..that you can't use on an adult!

[mattyb]

say what you just said above

going out with friends is not a big deal. Sleeping at a friends house vs trying to get home after drinking is a smart thing, not a selfish thing IMHO.

If he is constantly cancelling plans to do things with his friends, talk to him about it. Do be combative, just talk like rational people. If, however, it's once in a while, it's not a big deal and you should just let it slide. Even when you're in a relationship, there is nothing wrong with having a life outside of the 2 of you too

[joyelizabeth]

Do you think that it is OK to stay out all night when you're in a relationship? I have no problem with his seeing his friends and he only canceled on me this one time.

[b_luvedbaby]

I agree

[nobody21]

of course its okay for him to stay out all night when you are in a relationship. A relationship is about trust not control. He didn't really do anything wrong- apart from cancelling plans with you- and even then he came back to you. doesn't sound like you trust him

[joyelizabeth]

It's not that I don't trust him, I don't think it's OK to drink so much that you can't drive home. Especially since he was out Thursday and his brother had to pick him up because he drank so much, then on Friday we were out for my brothers birthday and had a lot to drink. We are both in out early 30's and I am looking for someone that is not in that stage in their life. I did it in my 20's and now I'm over it.

[mattyb]

I don't think its OK if he does it every night, or every weekend and constantly breaks plans to do so, but sometimes guys just want time with the guys. No women, just doing stupid guy stuff. The same way you like having time with your girlfriends alone. I'd probably let it go for now, but if it becomes an issue in the future, speak up. Don't be accusatory, don't be antagonistic, just be real, approach the issue with maturity and see where it stands

[purplepearls]

he might have lied about being at a friend's house. He probably was cheating on you.

[b_luvedbaby]

You don't know that. My boyfriend once stayed at a friend's house until 4am. I knew he was where he said he was. Don't tell the QA her boyfriend was cheating on her unless you know he was imo.