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If you believe the only thing getting in your way is that you are a follower and feel empty inside, then that is what you want to work on. Don't keep waiting for and expecting others to fill your empty vessel. Ask yourself what you'd like your vessel to be filled with and then find ways to fill it yourself. You either have the ability or have the ability to acquire the ability. By saying "can't" you're actually saying "won't." If it is important enough for you, you'll find a way. Maybe a mentor or teacher or guide or therapist can be a helpful tool.
It's not that you can't think... it's that you've relied on others and question your ability, fearing being judged by others or failing. When we first start doing something new, we always feel awkward and stumble. Just look at skills you've mastered in the past. Don't minimize them... view them as accomplishments. If you've accomplished those things, you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to accomplish.
I know it can be scary, but so was everything else you've accomplished in the past. The longer you delay, the scarier it will feel, and the less likely you'll ever achieve your dreams. Accept the fact that whatever you have mastered in the past is no longer scary. The same holds true for your present fears. Our only true fear is the fear of the unknown. Once we educate ourselves and eliminate the unknown, the fear dissipates.
If you feel the issues are more than you've stated, identify which issues are getting in the way and holding you back. Address them one at a time. The reason people tend to procrastinate is that they don't break the challenge down into small enough pieces. Anything can be addressed and resolved if we narrow the focus to things within our control.
I am well familiar with AS. I have worked with many who were on the spectrum. It's still about addressing your personal challenges rather than assuming you possess all symptoms associated with it. There is no one size fits all approach to AS.
If you look up any drug in the PDR, you'll see an extensive list of potential adverse reactions. That doesn't mean anyone taking the drug will experience all those adverse reactions.
You say you are incapable of connecting with others, yet you say you want a husband and kids. Are you thinking about them or just yourself? I'm not saying it will be easy for you to connect with others, and I'm not saying you'll ever be able to connect like someone who isn't on the spectrum, but it would be unfair of you to force anyone to be in a relationship with someone who refuses to put forth a legitimate effort to connect. You may say you're not forcing anyone to do anything, but would the kids have a real choice in the matter?
You also asked how someone is unique. We all have qualities that others appreciate, even if they don't appreciate all our qualities. The object is to discover what others see as our positive traits and then learn how to enhance what already exists. You'll never be something you're not, no matter how bad you want it. Just because you love trees doesn't mean you can become a tree.
Tell those who know you well you are working on yourself and want to see yourself through the eyes of others. Ask them to give you a list of what they see as your positive traits. They can send it anonymously, if they wish. Make a list of those traits mentioned by more than one person (if it only came from one person, it could just be a personal preference or something similar to them). Don't minimize any of the items, just because you don't like that trait. You can seek clarification if you don't understand how they might be impacted by that trait. The listed items are still what others see as having value. Let them enjoy you as you are rather than showing them something fake you create because that's what you believe they should like.
Be true to yourself. Don't try to be like others. Find what works for you and make the most of it.
Thank you. Just to be clear this new reply from you seems contradictory to the old advice given to try to build traits I don't naturally have lol. I don't know if I am misinderstanding. It feels a lot different.
But yeah I don't have anyone to ask such a personal question. I am aspergers. So no surprise there. But people around me have called me subservient and saying I am a hard/good worker at my job. So I'd say those are my good traits and my skills regardless of what others say. I am a good follower 😂. People have always said I am patient too, I don't know if they meant it seriously or not.
My concern is that I am not fun or interesting.
What do you think makes a person fun or interesting? It can be as simple as a smile or paying attention to what others like. If you're aware of what others like and pay attention to what is going on around you, you'll be able to help them discover opportunities they didn't know existed. You don't need to be the life of the party. Just be considerate and caring. When people interpret your behavior as being all about you, they'll distance themselves from you.
Do you truly want to learn how to get close to people, or is this just something you feel you should be doing? If you want to, identify what you feel when you do get close, and work to minimize that sensation. For instance, if dogs scare you, you can start by looking at pictures of dogs. Find pictures that draw you in rather than scare you away. Identify what is different about these photos. Then you can contact the AKC and explain your situation, helping them to see what you like and dislike about dogs. They can educate you and even suggest specific breeds you might find comforting. Once you know what to look for, you can view photos of that breed. Then you can visit a breeder of that breed and observe the dogs from a distance. Slowly approach one dog, or allow that dog to approach you. If you take this slowly, and one step at a time, you can minimize some of the triggers that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Still, be realistic. You can make subtle changes in yourself, but drastic changes are unlikely.
Being patient and a hard worker are significant assets. Consider doing volunteer work. Find something you believe in and can relate to and let them know the type of help you want to offer. I know you say you are a follower, but that's not necessarily a positive trait. Look for patterns you see in people when you follow. Start initiating those patterns on your own rather than waiting for others to initiate. People tend to prefer being around those who think rather than those who need to be spoon-fed. I know it can be hard to make changes at first, but be patient with yourself and address your desires one at a time and very gradually.
The only true fear we have is the unknown. By educating yourself and gradually broadening your horizons, you can become comfortable in more settings. Chances are, you've made changes throughout your life... though you may tend to minimize the changes you've made. In all probability, you're not still using diapers. You may have also learned to ride a bike or drive a car. View these things as accomplishments, and realize you can learn other things in the same way you learned what you have learned. Pay attention to what you've discovered works for you and then apply similar patterns to new situations.
Thank you. I find being a follower is not a negative trait. Women are to follow men are to lead. A lot of "men" today refuse their role so a lot of women are trying to lead everything all the time and so people got used to that and expect everyone men and women to be leaders 24 7. It just doesn't make sense. I can learn by following as well as accomplish goals that way too.
I am a nice person and smile and laugh and pay attention when people talk to me. But people today are spoiled and think if I dont act like a life of the party and flirt and charm everyone and compliment them 24 7 and share my every waking thought with everyone then i am "not social" or even antisocial and a school shooter. I have even been 'called out' for looking too much at people at work. Yes. So there's always something wrong with me apparently. I'm tired of the bullcrap. I am a good type person. I dont fornicate, drink or get high etc. I try not to ever lie, steal etc. The people around today are mostly bad people who gossip endlessly and boast and put others down all the time and whine about having to work or do anything.
Followers tend to blend into the woodwork and disappear from the view of others. It's not necessary to be either a leader or a follower. There is great value in being equal partners. People who are drawn to followers tend to be people who like being in control of everyone and everything. Equal partners plan and create together, with neither feeling a need to control the other. Not everyone wants a partner who is a chameleon and has no individual thoughts and feelings. I feel drawn in, when people show they care enough to respectfully share their thoughts and feelings with me. People tend to get bored with passive recipients, and they tend to get turned off by those who feel they need to control everything.
You're right, there are many people who are quick to judge those who don't conform to their lifestyle. If you don't party with them, they assume you see yourself as better than them and are looking down on them. We tend to prefer associating with those who are similar to us, so we don't feel judged by them. That's the reason smokers associate with smokers and partiers associate with partiers and ultra-religious people associate with ultra-religious people. It's not that there's anything wrong with the lifestyle they choose or the lifestyle we choose. It's just a personal preference.
There's nothing wrong with being introverted. Introverted people are more likely to bring more to the table than extroverted people. They often are more creative and successful (meaning more likely to achieve their goals), even if those goals aren't impressive to our materialistic society. Judge your success on what has value to you, not what others value. Just because many people choose to keep up with the Joneses and have the newest and greatest, does that make your 2-year-old item less functional? Yes, you can spend a fortune on the latest most popular cellphone, but it won't be new for long and will quickly be replaced by another need to have item. Now, those wannabes see no value in what they had to have last year and need to spend another fortune to keep up with the others. They are just as likely to trade in their partner also... rather than stay on top of keeping their relationship new and alive.
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You're deeper than most. Trust me, we are extremely complex and have more layers than an onion. Plus you can find a guy, I found a girl. Okay, it took me 27 years, but I did it
Opinion
6Opinion
Aspergers is over diagnosed in my opinion. Symptoms of depression and malnutrition can often mimic basic asperger traits in some people. Plus, aspergers doesn’t mean a lack of emotion, it just means that you could maybe misread others emotions, or maybe are too tuned into there emotions that you get overwhelmed. Who knows…but I think that love is around for everyone, no matter what you think about yourself or how some rando in an armchair diagnosis you. If a husband and kids is what you want then go for it.
I'm not sure your aspergers is relevant to feeling empty. But I'll criticise that; How can you be empty?
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What do you do all day?
What preferences do you have?
What do you think about contemporary issues?
You'd have to be in the experience machine 24/7 to be empty, and even then you'd still choose what experiences to have and have responses of whether you liked them or not.
You want to have a family, that's something isn't it? Although I guess that's what you intend to fill the 'empty' with. I think that's fine, being a good mother and having a good family is a great aim in itself.
But if you're still worried about your 'emptiness' being undesirable, you could try and become more interesting through what you do; your job, hobbies, learn about a subject, pick up a skill, etc. Develop your character around that, might even meet someone that way too. Ultimately, go start something and make a habit of it.
Empty as in connecting with people doesn't happen. So i assume i am empty compared to others like there's not enough or. nothing for people to relate and connect to. I feel fine... when alone... But its others who don't accept me. Im always doing something to offend everyone. Thus how can i make friends. Either im being called not social, or tild i need to be put in my place or other stuff. Just being around people is weird to me and uncomfortable and even though i try to be nice to all and stuff, i get called weird awkward unsocial school shooter, too quiet, there's always something. I never had a friend.
I see, the word 'empty' threw me off. Makes a lot more sense why you brought up aspergers now.
I'd imagine social skills are something you can still develop, even if it would be more difficult for you.
And you're not in school anymore, I'd think most people are more accommodating and civil, rather than just insulting your lack of social skills.
Though I'm curious as to what you mean when you say /you/ offend /them/ xD.
I had two friends with aspergers when I was younger. One that I boarded with, he was indeed weird. He often did deliberately crazy stuff like "sleepwalking" around the dorm room and humping the air before jumping back to bed, but we still got along.
The other I got along with at first, but as time went on he was more interested in being alone, and even when I did see him he'd focus on something solo.
So yeah I reckon it's up to you to make the effort of seeing people and slowly getting better at talking to people. Primarily I'd say the former is most important. Even if some will still be uncomfortable around you, not everyone will mind it.
Someone will understand you and recognize the true beauty of you, so just dont lose hope
you are not empty, just thinking and worrying that you are empty, shows that you have something inside
Not sure whats there then. Im a follower and i find it hard to actually connect the way others do. I dont think i ever had a friend truly unless i count when i was like a 3 year old or something which i dont really remember that well anyway. I always remember growing up in school and trying to fit into a mold constantly.
Everyone does that, because we as human always choose easy way, and we will rather follow and be like everyone else, then try to be someone unique and something real. So you are not alone in that, i did it, and probably more than half people on this did too. So dont think about it too much.
You are having so much inside of you, it just matter of you, will you open it and show it to other and yourself
i know aspergers have desire to follow or to be the same, and they lack social skill, verbal and non vebal, but that doesn't mean you are empty inside, if im wrong about what is aspergers im really sorry but i think that is aspergers
i dont know, but i think someone will connect with you , if you ever want to talk about anything, im here my dms are open
You are a person. All people have personalities. You have a personality. There is no reason why a guy cannot fall in love with your personality, and in turn, fall in love with you.
It will happen naturally. You certainly aren't empty inside. You think about things! Do you have any hobbies or interests?
Yes, I do. At least, I have learned a bit from my mum who is a child psychologist, and was a one on one teacher with an autistic boy.
Not sure what that entails.
You aren't empty inside.
Organs and stuff.
Personally I would prefer to date an aspie.
I am one
I have.
It feels nice
I hope you get one
You're welcome
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