A man with Asperger’s that I have a history with (we were friends in real life); is getting all intense, saying he wants to marry me and he’s bought me a car and showed me his bank account (he’s rich); and that he’s been out of touch because he has been working for the government overseas. I feel overwhelmed by it all. All this intensity. He’s talking about great sex, always being there for me and cooking me breakfast and being useful around the house and I’m starting to feel awkward. We both have Asperger’s, but his is more severe than mine.
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2 mo
I’m not very good at reading social cues and I find this all very strange.
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I can certainly believe that it would be; all that sensory input means that EVERYTHING is more intense. And, bluntly, trouble reading social cues and subtexts makes romance extremely difficult; he's probably terrified of losing you.
So handle this gently- as gently as will work, anyway. Sit him down and say something like "Look, I like you very much, but I think we're moving too fast. I enjoy spending time with you, and think we probably do have a future together, but let's get to know each other better before we make long-term plans, okay?". Make sure he understands that you're not rejecting him; just that you don't want to rush into things. He'll probably appreciate the clarity.
He also insists that if we really love each other, we must get married next year. He wants me to help him pay his internet connection from overseas, to show my support to him, when he’ll be supporting me for the rest of my life, he says. He says he knows what he wants, he’ll buy us a house and we’ll be married soon, when he returns home in a year. I do know this guy. We knew each other in person for years. So it’s not a random scammer.
He said that he wants to put all his assets in my name, when we’re married.
I’m freaking out a bit and I don’t need his assets.
So, reassuring him but asking to slow it down might work?
It's worth a shot, certainly. I doubt I'd be comfortable with someone pushing so much so quickly- but I've dealt with people with Asperger's before. I'm no expert, but if you're not ready to get married, you're not ready.
Why is he pushing it all so fast? Is it like you said, that he’s scared to lose me?
Well, that's very likely at least part of it. There may be more; I don't know.
Yes, I think it’s possible for someone with that life experience to be intense and possibly forward or moving too quickly. I think you should be honest with him. Say, “I like you too and I’m flattered by all the attention, but I want to just date and have fun before getting too ahead of ourselves. Is it okay with you if we slow down and get to know each other more first?”