Can men with Asperger’s Syndrome really not help strange behaviour with women?

[HappyWoman34]

I’ve found my friend Nina and I have had problems with several men with more severe Asperger’s. They made us their special interests and Alan who likes Nina, kept asking her out and sending her lots of really long text messages constantly until she ghosted him. The guy that likes me Ian, keeps showing up wherever I am and sending me photoshopped fake pictures of his fantasies of our life together and of himself. He’s been doing it for eleven months. Another one gets sweaty and flushed and flustered around women he likes. He’s our friend, Jack. These women are half his age. It seems to us, as women with Asperger’s syndrome, that none of them mean to be inappropriate or creepy, but they all come across that way. I tried to explain to Alan and Ian and they seemed to think I was being mean.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Yeah, I can see how Alan and Ian might see that as an insult. Speaking as another women on the autism spectrum, I know that with more severe cases they can't really help their physical reactions to things, despite the fact that they might want to mask to fit in. Women on the spectrum are often better at masking than men, for unknown reasons, but it's easier for women to try and blend in and play that role than men such as that. I think part of why they do this is just because they're not aware of how they look or how they act in the moment, all they know is what they feel and they don't realize how they might appear. A lot of men seem to carry this kind of unawareness of themselves and their acts in general, so it's not exclusive to the autistic community, but maybe you can find a way to hold up a mirror to them? I know masking can be difficult for others that struggle with reading social cues, but if they can't see how they are compared to how they feel, they're not going to see any need to change that behavior.

[HappyWoman34]

Good idea. Last time I told Alan that Nina isn’t interested, he didn’t believe me. When I told Ian to go away, that I find his behaviour inappropriate and creepy, he said he refused to comply. That when being treated with tyranny, you must rebel. Then he kept making fake photos of our fake married life together and one photo of a nude of him in his jocks. He made ‘our children;’ and ‘our kiss;’ all sorts of photos. So they just think I’m being mean or we’re playing hard to get. One of them watches old movies with predatory men in them and sexually repressed, bitchy, horny women that they pounce on. So I think he thinks that’s how men should behave. No joke, I can’t use Facebook anymore, because he blocks me on his official alias and keeps communicating through fake photos.

[HappyWoman34]

It is a good idea. I just wish it had worked with them. But it didn’t.

[HappyWoman34]

Would you like to follow me so we can possibly get to know each other? Message privately? That’s not why I asked the question, but it could be a side benefit. It’s ok if not 😊👍

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I don’t suppose you could record a video of them? Send it to someone with some authority over them and show how you’re being harassed essentially?

[HappyWoman34]

I’m not sure. I saw the police and they shrugged it off. What they really need is therapy and social skills training but they’ll never see that.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

The police are garbage, they don’t act until after a crime has been committed and not before. I still say public humiliation makes a great deterrent lol

[Guardian45]

I cannot say, but I have a cousin with AS, who did marry and had two children, but he ended up not being able to deal with it and left them. His wife still loves him and tries to watch out for him, but he continues to live apart from his family.

[Guardian45]

Thank you for MHO!

[Summeroflove]

As someone who has it. I definitely think some use it as a excuse and many are enabled as well. He can’t take no for a answer. It’s stalkerish. It’s creepy. You need to be firm and tell him to leave you alone.

[AngryCarl2]

That's a very deep question. It goes to the root of free will and self-awareness.

So in summary, we can learn some rudiments of socially acceptable behaviour but we don't understand it instinctively.

[AngryCarl2]

Also it depends on where they are on the spectrum. If they have learning disabilities it's going to be very hard for them to change their behaviour.

[ericclayton]

They can help it, but you have to be very direct and assertive.