Is dating IRL easier than Tinder?

I'm so confused why I'm struggling to get any dates or even matches on Tinder, especially since I'm not presenting myself as just a hookup. I'm fairly certain that my lack of matches can't be due to my appearance because I'm tall and athletic with a mostly symmetrical face. Plus, I've been told that I'm attractive by people online and IRL. For example, on Photo Feeler, I'm considered to be in the top 20%. Additionally, I'm aware that I turn heads and often receive extended eye contact when I'm outside walking about or exercising.

Besides physical attraction, a lot of people seem to find me really humorous, but that didn't seem to help me either when texting on Tinder. The women would laugh a lot initially, but would ghost me a couple of days later. Also, I don't think I'm too bad at flirting. Sometimes I might over do it, but it's usually really smooth.

However, I have crippling social anxiety along with all the other symptoms of Asperger's syndrome, so it's hard for me to approach and interact with people irl, women and even men. There were many occasions where I decided to help out some women who were struggling with heavy objects or just interact with women in the most boring way, and all they would do is giggle at me the entire time. That always makes me very nervous, and all I end up doing is just smile and nod... I feel like an idiot😅

Anyway, if you could shed some light on my confusion and struggles, feel free to comment below :)
Photo Feeler results
Photo Feeler results
Some of the Photo Feeler comments suggests that I come across as arrogant or that I should have a different pose🤷‍♂️

How's my bio?
How's my bio?
I'm living in Switzerland. People here speak German, French, or Italian--and many speak some English. Maybe the language barrier is the issue?
Updates:
Oh damn, I forgot to cover up my real name...😒🔫

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Most Helpful Girl

  • How is tinder viewed in your country? If it is viewed as a hookup app, most users will be looking for hook ups. You presented yourself like you're looking for someone special. If You and most users are not looking for the same thing, then the likelihood of you getting a match is decreased.

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    • I don't think the Swiss view it as a hookup app. Then again, who knows how the Swiss really think lol. Thanks for your advice!

Most Helpful Guys

  • I agree with the general consensus on this one. Tinder can be great for women but not so great for men unless you're flexing eyecatching superficial things like wealth, good looks, great social life, etc.. And sure there's still a small chance of something working out but most likely nothing for the long term. Also, tinder is all about first impressions. I found that girls would swipe right more If I had something funny or relatable as my bio. If you want more advice about tinder I'd suggest watching "Based Zeus" (if you haven't already) on youtube. He knows what he's saying!

    I don't use tinder anymore and I'd advise trying to speak to people irl vs tinder. This is coming from the person that used to get anxiety when walking to the mailbox xD. But Tinder can be a waste of time if you're on 24/7. While in public, I know that gut-wrenching anxiety feeling that arrives when around strangers. But the feeling you get afterward is very rewarding! I tell myself, "If I can do that, I can do anything!"

    I found that when I'm not out looking for relationships, they often will present themselves. That's how I feel now. I'm not chasing anyone. There may come a time in my life where I will want one. But I wanna make sure I can provide for my girl. And rn... I really can't xD

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    • Haha thanks man! That's really solid advice. I appreciate you sharing your personal experience :)

    • Yeah man, no problem! If you ever wanna talk more about it feel free to message me anytime 👌

  • According to statistics, online dating favors women. The guys choose who gets approached when it's in person, and get to show themselves off. But online, all guys are considered thirsty, and the women always get a matches, so they just choose whoever they find the most attractive out of all them to talk to, and the rest are either unmatched or never replied to

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • Well first off most woman don't approach first it's just one of those things. Second in real life you have a better chance because you have no idea who the "creep"is your messaging. A lot of online profiles are creeps. Thirdly dating apps is a scam. They won't help you find someone rather take your money and give you false hope. Lastly, you just need to approach the girl you like because that's the best way to go.

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    • Ugh, I wish it was different. What are some cues that a woman wants me to approach? Women can be creepy too?😧 Alright, I won't put in anymore effort into dating apps. Yeah, I'll do that from now on; no more regrets. Thanks for helping out! :)

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    • @ninjafemme: that's really depressing. What you're calling creepy is how people used to meet new people until extremely recently. That's normal social interaction.

    • You have to kind of be able to pick up on if someone is uncomfortable (like ninja) or more talkative and gauge how much to talk. If a person is open to talk about themselves, that's a great sign to inquire more. If not, keep the conversation about some topic like whatever is happening in front of you or something relevant to where you are. Also, generally I've found just talking works. "Hi, you're cute. Can I call you sometime?" (something that simple) worked well for me. They'll often be interested with very little conversation needed. This might be different now a days. I haven't approached girls like that in years. Maybe girls want to be approached online now? Girls seemed to love to be approached in person years ago though.

  • Tinder is not a good app. I mean i am a person who talks a lot so getting into the conversation is not a problem for me. The problem is i wanted a real relationship and most of the boys on tinder just wanted sex. But i did ended up having a good friend who is now my best friend and its been a year. So if u r lookibg for a relationship tinder is not a good app.

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  • To what I heard tinder is just a hookup app and nothing very serious so

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    • Yeah, that seems to be the consensus. I don't think there's any other dating app that's popular in Switzerland, so I guess I gotta talk to people in real life haha😅

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    • Oh yeah, just lots of cricket noises in the background 😂

      Oh lol😂 I have a hard time understanding women😅

    • Yes XD

      Even women can sometime not understand themselves so it's normal XD

  • lol why would you make a tinder profile in first place?

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    • I'm a bored college student in a country that's mostly foreign to me, and I've been single for about a year. I've run out of options lol🤷‍♂️ It was so much easier to approach women and make friends with random people in the US because of the familiar language and culture

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    • @otw1269 hey man, can you go yell crazy things someplace else? I'm trying to have an intelligent conversation

    • If u don't know then it must have been a bunch u know that she has HPV so I hope u had a condom lol

  • I've heard of real people meeting through tinder and they wound up getting married. They seem to be really happy. I guess there is hope for all of us!

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  • I might be that you don't look European

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  • i dont think so

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What Guys Said 9

  • I think guys your age do much better IRL than online. Since you have social anxiety, I'd suggest linking up with people you have something in common with online and then meeting up in person.

    Switzerland can be pretty insular, especially outside of the major cities.

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    • That is really solid advice, thank you! Schöne Tag!

    • Good luck, and I think it's great that you're trying to meet a girl. Just be positive and confident- you'll meet someone.

  • Tinder is a fucking scary place man, men pretending to be chicks, YouTubers trolling 24/7, or just a couple of chicks who only want 6'1 guys with huge shoulders and a beard, irl it's way easier unless you are shy at approaching them (same problem here bud), I would say you can pick them up from Instagram and then ease your way until you get an actual date (That's what I did with my ex)

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    • 😞I feel defeated lol. I'll just take the IRL approach like you suggested. Thanks for helping :)

  • your profile sounds so typically nice.
    Girls read profiles man.
    There's like 100x like yours.
    Girls don't like nice guys.

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    • I can't help that I'm kind to everyone. I can't even kill a fly without feeling bad about it😫 I know I can appear to have a tough shell if I'm not smiling, but I'm just a softy inside. Oh well, no online dating for me then🤷‍♂️

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    • Yeah, I know... I'm so annoyed with myself for freezing up when the opportunities showed up in real life😓

    • Don't stop trying though lol. DIfferent region, different attitudes.

  • Online dating is a meat market meaning a whole lot of men for a handful of women. So while you may be handsome an even better looking man is just one swipe away. IRL has the odds way better in your favor. My advice is to play IRL tinder go to a public crowded area, post up in one spot, suck it up and just approach as many girls as you can. It will suck at first and you may not have any luck but the more you do it the easier it'll get and you'll eventually find success. You just gotta roll with the punches and keep going.

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  • It's unlikely that you're going to get any real matches on Tinder. Try Badoo. You can message active women.

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  • First off, Tinder is a place for hookups, not dates.

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    • I can't bring myself to have sex without building an emotional bond first. *Sigh* time to delete Tinder

  • You need a crush and burn.

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    • I don't quite understand your statement. Do you mind expanding upon it?

    • Its going out just to say hello and try to flirt with some girls.
      The most likely result is you dont get anything but you will lose that afraid when you see nothing happens.
      ( and if you are lucky, maybe you get something )

    • Oh lol, yeah... maybe if my German gets a bit better.

  • Oh shit Faiz you fucked up lol

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  • Go read what I found out u will understand a lot

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    • Your profile is private. Do you mind sharing a link to what you found out?

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