There is no such thing as unconditional love in a relationship, do you agree?

[Anonymous]

The only 4 people I'm receving that type of love without any of them asking for anything in return other than my happiness and health; my mother, my father, my maternal grandma and my younger brother. No one else after that.

My ex boyfriend used to rub it in my face how he loves me unconditionally and will always be there for me. However, he used to give me too many ultimatums. Basically if I didn't became a good chef (didn't cook creative meals all the time) and a businesswoman in a year or so, he would dump me and block me forever. He wanted part of my income.

He also put conditions not to give any money to my grandma nor speak to my aunt or else he wouldn't ever speak to me again. This contradicts the very definition of unconditional love. This means loving without waiting for anything in return and no ultimatums.

I ended up blocking him myself and lied about my real earnings. He sure got upset that I withheld that information. Did he fought for his so called ''love''? Nope. When I blocked him, he treated me like I don't exist. Honestly I think there is no such things as unconditional love in a relationship. It's not healthy. If you can block them any time, replace them with someone else and forget them, you never loved them unconditionally.

Yes, relationships are conditional

No, there is unconditional love in relationships

Updates

+1 y

Unconditionally and yet he was placing ultimatums and yelling at the same time. I never ever once told him ''get promoted or else we're done nor learn how to drive or we're done''. I accepted him how he was. Unfortunately he was the bad person.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Unconditional love isn't the same as unconditional commitment.

In order for love to be unconditional, BOTH people have to love that way, and if you love someone, you aren't doing things that would hurt/upset them enough to make them leave, and nor are they, because YOU love THEM unconditionally, AND vise versa.

The only condition of unconditional love, is reciprocation.

When people say they want unconditional love, what they mean is they want someone to always love them.

But to deserve that, they must do the same in return, and each person needs to be what the other loves, and thats what is actually unconditional, the promise to be that no matter what (and in healthy relationships, that means being yourself).

People forget that love is a form of desire, you love because you want, but if what you thought you wanted is making you unhappy, because that person isn't right for you, or doesn't love you back, then letting go of them does not mean you are incapable of loving unconditionally.

It just means thats not the person you should be loving unconditionally.

[Asker]

That was well said. I was miserable in my long-distance relationship. I've never (not even once) pressure him to learn to drive nor to get promoted at his job or else it's over. I've accepted him how he is but he sure did put many conditions and wasn't going to marry me for myself... he wanted to marry me as a wealthy woman with a restaurant and a great, creative cook. I did his country tamale once and just because I've used another oil (they still came out good), he made me do them again and was ungrateful. I felt super upset and unloved and not upgrated to fiancee status already.
It turns out he was after my money and future business. He also expected me to learn how to drive eventually. He was obsessed with my cooking getting better because by the time I own my restaurant... he would get 1/2 of my income and assets.
It would take several years to own a big business (he knew that) and didn't care about my fertile years (my need towards already forming a family).

[Asker]

I got rid of that user. He definitely didn't have unconditional love. His famous words whenever I was close to breaking-up (due to being unhappy) ''Remember I'm the best. If you break up, you'll never find anyone as good as me''. I never once told him ''you'll never find a woman as good as me''... I never told him that.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Yeah thats not love, he was just gold digging, don't let that change who you are or what you want.

[Miristheiss]

No... not in dating, romantic relationships.

Unconditional love? That is more for parents loving their kids. That can be unconditional.

[Asker]

Exactly. I gave my mother a hard time and she's still with me; we're closer than ever now vs whenever I made small cooking mistake and my ex boyfriend would go into a ranting and give me ultimatums, stressing me out with the ''or else it's over... or else bye bye''.

[Little_Bumblebee]

There shouldn't be unconditional love in relationships. You need to have boundaries and not accept abuse for example or poor behavior. Cheating or other things, and I don't think that's okay or something to pursue.

Of course, you should be there to support your partner, I know my parents have really been there for each other when things have been rough, and that's what you need.
But I don't think you should be there and love someone who abuses you or takes you for granted all the time etc.

[Xoxocutekitty]

Unconditional love really doesn't exist.

Setting boundaries and setting clear expectations maintains mutual understanding to both parties so that they can continue to grow, love, and tolerate each other.

Even a dog will learn to resent an owner who beats it. Not all love is healthy and should be without conditions.

[Asker]

I ended up hating him so much after realizing he didn't care about my needs of wanting a child (esp given my age... I'm 34)... he wanted to keep me for another year with false promise, insist that I cook creative dishes and proceed with my food business. He wanted to marry me for wealth and not to have kids. When I blocked him, I hated him so much. My anger was beyond an ''I wanna slap him''. It was an ''Omg, I want to fully destroy him, I want to ruin him in every possible way, die, die''.

[Aurora1010]

For me unconditional love means to love someons no matter what you do even if it's a really bad thing, and only parents and especially a mother can give that type of love tbh. So in a relationship, no.

[Aurora1010]

No matter what they do*

[Asker]

Exactly. My parents (esp mother) will accept any simple dish I cook (even if it's just rice and lentils) or the same dish vs my ex boyfriend who would criticize it and give ultimatums.

[Asker]

I gave my own mother an attitude and even said hateful things to her (making her cry) when she was against my relationship, talking bad about him. I realized she was right the whole time but here we are now... closer than ever; she's still there for me, still forgave me for everything I ever told her.

[Asker]

If I were to do that to my ex boyfriend (I did eventually when I blocked him; my last word I ever told him was ''mother******), he would've blocked me forever, forget all the ''I love you'' and replace me easily.

[Aurora1010]

Exactly, a mother forgives and usually forgets. A boyfriend/girlfriends can sometimes forgive but there will usually be a bit of resentment and they'll remember it from time to time.

[Anonymous]

I have unconditional love for my family and now some old friends, but that is also +15 years in each others life.. could also happen with a partner after so many years.
But, even though the love might stay because of the history, it does not mean we would be together as a couple for the rest of our lifes. Maybe we find out we are better as friends.

[Desire-for-Greatness]

Unconditional love exists between good people.

Especially if they've been together for a long time.

[Asker]

I was with a bad person. My ex boyfriend kept calling himself how he was a good guy, how he was nearly perfect and that I'll never find anyone as good as him if we ever break-up. He once even forced me to give likes/loves to all his FB posts.
Ok so taken from that small description I gave you and the others I've given to other repliers, that certainly isn't a good person.

[Desire-for-Greatness]

Look at the bright side: you've gotten rid of him.

[Asker]

Yes and almost immediately after getting rid of him, I went out on a date with my male friend (and the one I'm sparring with) from judo classes. He invited me to eat and paid both the taxi and our meals. It was at a good, elegant restaurant. Outside of training, he was like a gentleman... way different from that garbage.
I haven't seen my mother happy in the longest. She likes my new friend. She never liked that garbage and used to have a hard time pretending to be nice to him. For her it was like being forced to eat the most disgusting food ever... just for my sake.

[Desire-for-Greatness]

Can you please like my Facebook posts and give me part of your salary? I'll delete my answer to your question and block you if you don't.

You'll never find a better opinion if I leave!

[Desire-for-Greatness]

🤣 sounds so pathetic doesn't it?

You dodged a bullet.

[Asker]

Indeed I did. My psychologist labelled him as a narcissist-sociopath. Most of my family members believe in karma and that everything wrong he ever did to me (even lying about his real age by reducing it by nearly 10 years) will be multiplied by a lot.
Thank you for your answer.

[Desire-for-Greatness]

You're most welcome.

[Yourfriend2021]

I understand what you are saying. He shouldn't treat you like that but after you blocked him and lied to him, you shouldn't be surprised that he acts like you don't exist.

[Asker]

I lied to him about my real earning because I've recently found out he was after my money and didn't care about my grandma (he was wanting for her to die so he can get 1/2 of her income too). In addition, he even lied to me for many years about his real age. He wasn't 21-22 years old when I met him (I was 19 back then); but 30-32 years old. He did that on purpose because he knew I wanted to date a young guy within my age range, not someone that old.
He had faked our whole friendship and the whole relationship. My psychologist told me I was dealing with a narcissist-sociopath, a truly toxic, horrible person.

[Asker]

If you were on the process of finding out someone you once trusted with your life was really after your wealth and family's money and never loved you for yourself (never had true, real feelings) and wanted to marry your money but not you... I'm willing to bet you would be on super protective mode by then and lie about your earnings.

[Asker]

and you would be blocking them too

[Yourfriend2021]

I understand how you feel.

[Asker]

I actually feel lucky he didn't give me any disease while when we were dating at the same place long ago (before it became a forever long-distance relationship). Now I know he was obviously cheating with god knows how many other girls while I was the virgin. I'm lucky I didn't catch an STD from him nor became pregnant because on a few occasions he convinced me not to wear protection and told me to just trust him. I was a fool. Oh dear... I got lucky then.

[Yourfriend2021]

Yes it's crazy. There was some girl a few days ago on GAG that admits she cheats on her boyfriend all the time but loves him. What? If only people could be honest.

[Asker]

This fool kept proclaiming his faithfulness and loyalty for years. So why did I found out he's been cheating? I didn't need solid proof but it's what he did. The lying about his age (if they lie about something simple and reducing their age by a decade, what else are they lying about?), by admitting to cheating on a girlfriend while we were just friends and by scamming me with money and not paying me back what he still owes. That was money he told me his so called ''immigration lawyer'' needed to work on our marriage case. I can't believe I fell for that. He destroyed my total innocence and my youthful years of nothing, my hopes of one day getting reunited with him and getting married, of having a child, he destroyed part of my life.
This might sound mean but I'll NEVER FORGIVE HIM FOR THAT.

[Asker]

I obviously don't love him at all but don't think about hating him. My feelings are total indifference to the point I couldn't care less if he suffer a bad accident or his life was going bad. Whatever. I don't care about him. I'll never get back those beautiful youthful years he drained from me.

[Yourfriend2021]

I understand but you have to just forget about him now and move on so he doesn't ruin more of your life.

[loveslongnails]

Your choices don't really give me a choice, so I'm going to say C) It's possible that some relationships are like that, but it's the exception and not the rule.

[Asker]

yes but it wouldn't be a healthy relationship. When I realized he was a manipulative narcissist that was in love with my wealth and food and never going to pay my money back... I went from ''in love'' to ''hatred'' immediately. I hated how he wasted my years for nothing. I really hated him. I wanted to ruin him.

[loveslongnails]

I was just saying there CAN be relationships where unconditional love exists, but it certainly wasn't yours. You were wise to do what you did.

[Danny_dan92]

I think it’s definitely possible. But a vast majority of couples cannot maintain the level of love and appreciation that is found during the “honeymoon phase”

[Msputiton]

Agreed. Cheating, not being treated right are conditions that will break up a relationship

[Anonymous]

I voted for B. If animals give us unconditional love, than humans can too.