Is forgiving everyone too much?

[Anonymous]

What about if someone maliciously drained years of your life, took advantage of your kindness (your then young childish mind who once saw good in people), faked even the friendship and went out of their ways to destroy you and forever take away your entire innocence? Now you're in your 30's and left distrusting people who aren't your family (parents and grandma).

I've never reached the level of hating someone so much in my life. My father will never forgive him either. This is his level of hate towards him: if someone gave him a remote control to disintegrate him, he would do it immediately without remorse.

No, I'll never forgive him. Is it ok to not forgive everyone that wrongs you, esp if it's really bad?

[Diodoro]

Forgiveness or "Letting Go" more specifically is for you. It's not for the other person. And you should let go of the excess negative emotions you have towards anyone.

That doesn't mean you're cool. It just means you're not wasting your emotional energy on them. Our thoughts and emotions are like tabs on an internet browser. We tend to just click over to the next tab or open a new one.

It's easy and might save time. But it's also draining your resources to do/feel anything else. That's why letting go is for you. Forgiveness prayer say is only upon request

Similar to how you can't really loan something to someone unless they request it first, you can't really forgive someone until they've requested it. Because they may not want it and if they don't accept your forgiveness then you can't really forgive them

If anything, telling someone you forgive them when they feel they've done nothing wrong is insulting and they get angry

[Asker]

I just got rid of that person in the ending of Oct. I guess my negative feeling is still fresh and processing.

[Diodoro]

Been there. When emotions are extra strong we tend to want to hold on to them rather than just letting them pass and that's really what causes discomfort. Holding on

Like emotions naturally inherently want to come, to be there and be experienced, and then to move on. But we feel a thing and we decide to hold onto that feeling and keep it there rather than letting it go like a cloud in the sky

We tried to do the same thing with positive emotions too. Never want the party to end, never want the good feeling to go away, relive the positive experiences because you want to hold on to that emotion as long as possible

Like imagine watching a comedy show and tell him the comedian to say the joke again, then again, then again, then again, then again just because you want the positive feelings of laughing to keep going

We do that in our head with negative emotions and thoughts

[jaybee281]

I've reached that level not a long time ago - I wouldn't delete one person - I'd delete over 8 of them all from the same social circle - and it's true you become very cynical since that you don't take love for someone's actions but for deep intentions behind their actions that might not even exist - if that made any sense - I say fuck forgiveness - there is a fine line between being a naive cunt and being forgiving - you move on by cutting them off your life and slowly getting close to other people - I'll eventually share my fears with the people I'm getting close to now - it's still too soon though.. And I'm sorry for what happened to you

[Asker]

Then some people might wonder why we're hard and distrusting; because of liars and users. I'm now 34 years old and want what this monster denied of (by making false promises... even asking me for money to work on our immigration marriage visa): marriage and at least one child. If I can have both of them then I'll compromise and continue being a single woman but adopt a child or do spend on an invitro fertilization treatment.

[cloverclouds]

Nah, it's not an asshole move not to forgive someone, who ruined your life..
You are not obliged to forgive the people who hurt you. Your only obligation is to move forward and heal. If that involves forgiveness, fine. If not, also fine. You have to look after yourself.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Yup you're not god that you should forgive everyone..

[Asker]

Exactly. What he did belongs to a cruelty scale. He knew greatest gift was my innocence and youth and he drained it all. Honestly if I ever see him in person, I won't have kind words that's for sure.
I'm 34 and still desire a family, what this user lied about. He lied about everything.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Honey I feel you. Just relax.
Losing soul like you is his lose not yours. 😘

[Asker]

Thank. I've been taking self-defense classes for 2 month now. In a way, this helps lessen the emotional impact.
This is interesting among parents: if someone hurts us, they get hurt more than us. My mother is just as equally devastated and hurt for me as my father is. My mother ended up crying a lot more than me and my father wishes him dead.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Honey believe in karma
Are you ok?

[Asker]

My family believes in karma. My aunt (dad's older sister) said whatever wrong he did to me will multiple by 5x or more and he'll suffer. I'll still processing (less hurt now but still a bit) those negative emotions but feeling better now. I feel happy when I'm in my self-defense classes.

[Sam_The_Savage]

That's awesome...
If you need someone to talk than feel free to pm me