Is being "too forgiving" a bad thing?

Question

All my life, I have been this way. Not sure why but I learned quickly that its so much easier to just forgive and move forward than keep grudges and harbor anger. I normally get told its a great quality but I feel I think it might be holding me back. I am to the point where it doesn't matter who it is or what they have done, if someone means something to me, I'll forgive them. Act like nothing has changed. If someone was horrible to me and years later asked me for help, I'd be there for them. I think it could be a bad thing in relationships right?  Because most likely, I'd forgive and forgive a cheater, abuser etc because I just feel "better" when I let stuff go... is this bad or good? How can I change?

animalwithin · Accepted Answer

Everytime I see your dog avatar, I have to answer :). Assuming you're speaking of people you're close to, being too forgiving can become detrimental, not necessarily wrong. There is a fine line between forgiving a person and letting them keep getting away with something. The former is an important part of life, forgiveness takes courage, vulnerability, kindness, and understanding all of which many humans don't possess. The latter, being overly forgiving and letting them continue in their behavior unchecked is the same as you being an enabler. If a person acts toward you or others in a certain way and you just brush it off when they were clearly in the wrong is you giving them permission to do it again. It also doesn't help you because many people will keep doing the same thing to you and others unless someone says something. Speak your mind, it may hurt a little but while the world needs people who forgive, it also needs people who know when to put their foot down and have the ability to confrot a person in order to help them.

Shyguy_1988 · Accepted Answer

I'm a very forgiving person as well.  But if someone continue's you keep making the same mistakes that effect me, its hard to forgive and I know its best to move on from that person, I'm not going to be taken advantage of because I am forgiving because it can lead to that.  Regardless you sound like a wonderful person, don't change in being forgiving, just don't get taken advantage of because of your kindness.  Also remember to forgive yourself for your own mistakes, sometimes that can be difficult as well!

Dovahbear · Accepted Answer

Yes, being too forgiving can be a bad thing. It is a weakness you should try to eliminate. People can take advantage of you if you are this way. I agree that there is no point in holding grudges but there are many people who will use you for it. You just have to be careful and forgive those who really need to be forgiven and if their bad behavior towards you continue then you should just forget about them because your feelings might mean nothing to them. It's nice that you are forgiving and it is a good quality but you should put your foot down sometimes.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'm the same way as you & I'm undecided on if its really a bad thing or not haha.

Currently I'm in a situation where someone I know has been a jerk to me a couple times but I've forgiven him. its in the past. However, I know that its possible that he might do something in the future, act like a jerk, etc and I might be hurt emotionally. But they are a dear friend of mine and I'm not going to cut them out of my life. We can help each other out, be supportive, etc despite the few times that they act up.

eve16 · Accepted Answer

I'm exactly like you. I forgive people easily. It's not a terrible thing, it means you have a big heart. However, just make sure that you don't keep going back if someone mistreats you. You can forgive them, but that doesn't mean they should be in your life. I find it's a lot easier to just forgive than to have all this energy being angry.

prophecy · Answer

it's called self-respect. or high self-esteem.

if you respect yourself and someone disrespects you, it's over that moment. and it doesn't matter what kind of relationship we're talking about - friends, relatives, boyfriends, business partners, whatever, it's over. you stop talking to them and you ignore them like you never knew them.

i wish I could say there is something you can so to change it over night, but it's not possible. it takes years to get a different perspective on life.

you should read psychology and philosophy "a bit more" and get yourself in the therapy.

SilentEarth · Answer

There is no such thing as being too forgiving, but you can be stupid with how you treat them afterward. It's one thing to forgive someone who stole things from you and another to go back to trusting them with your valuables afterward. Forgiving doesn't imply trusting, you have to play it smart.

vmw2008 · Answer

Not harboring onto anger is good, even forgiving easily is good, but letting yourself become a doormat is bad. If someone has done something very terrible to you, or frequently does bad things to you, it's just in your best interest to let them go out of your life. No need to harbor anger or not forgive them, just don't allow them the chance to treat you poorly.

NicholasHalden · Answer

It can be. You can be taken advantage of by your allies. Beware for those who see you are soft openly will not hesitate to take what is yours (health, money, time, psyche and inner strength). You can forgive someone quietly but let them know what their actions has caused, the repercussions of those heinous acts will not go unpunished. After all, your not Mother Teresa or the Pope, they should at times feel your wrath.

justaskin8888 · Answer

no. forgiveness is about you not the person who wronged you. I try to forgive everyone, including serial @ssles. However, I do not allow the bad behavior. But I over look a lot of crap from friends and family. I prefer to live happy and healthy. forgiveness is a gift I give myself. It has nothing to do with the person.

good luck!

Tamikaze · Answer

I think forgiving is healthy and good. The problem is when you forgive and the person who exhibited the bad behavior had no consequences for their actions and kept doing it over and over to you. That would just put you in the position of being taken advantage of and abused on some level.

So, for example, you can forgive someone for disrespecting you but still break up with them and move on. Forgiving isn't about having to stay with that person.

Luna-o3o · Answer

when you forgive easily, you're easily taken for granted.

Because people don't really learn from their lesson, they don't know your value since you just forgive them so easily.

Let them work for your forgiveness Or else that will take advantage of your sweet heart.

visual · Answer

It's not bad to be forgiving, just make sure you're not encouraging their bad behavior by "letting them think it's okay". You're not meant to be foolish about it either, if they can hurt you emotionally or physically, you don't hang around them just because you've forgiven them.

The point of forgiving is so that you don't get bitter or cold (this effects you more than anyone else), you don't forgive to excuse behavior as such.

Anonymous · Answer

It's a good thing until certain people realize they'll be able to walk all over you & why not, you'll forgive them anyway. Just remember there are those few who will see it as a weakness & use it against you. They are also the ones who after giving them 4-5 chances then decide you had enough, your all of a sudden the evil one.

ImperfectDVM · Answer

I don't think it is. I am the same way! I find it a waste of time and energy to hold grudges. I find it very relieving to just "let stuff go", too.

anon1111 · Answer

Yes, it is a bad thing because people will walk all over you if they know there will be no consequences.

Cuddle_Muffin · Answer

Yes, too much of a good thing becomes a disease...

ThatBritishLad · Answer

I live with the external approach of accepting everything, working by the rules and following people, despite internally being one of the most spiteful people on the face of England :P

Anonymous · Answer

Im very forgiving to its never a bad thing it only a bad when you don't see the fine line of forgive and forget and forgive and relive ( meaning you forgive them but they still haven't made a effort to change)

johari · Answer

Yes some people can take advantages and make mistakes knowing they'll be forgiven

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, it definitely can be. If you constantly are forgiving of others, they'll recognize this and take advantage of you eventually.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes that's how you become a people pleaser and pushover

Anonymous · Answer

Yes its what makes a push over stay that way

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