How do I stop being so forgiving?

[ammmb34]

Okay so I know I'm not the only one. Whenever someone does something I always end up getting over it because I don't hold grudges and I can't stay mad. Like it could be something really bad that I should be mad at but I just can't, and I feel like people take advantage of me because of that. Like if someone does something they are like "I'm sorry" and am I just suppose to forgive them because they are saying sorry? or am I suppose to stay mad? Like I don't know what else I expect than sorry, and I feel like I need to be mad so they will "learn a lesson" but I can't. I'm not a mad person, but I'm tired of people walking all over me..

[Shadow44]

Forgiveness isn't the problem keep being forgiving. Being angry at someone for treating you badly isn't worth your energy. Forgiveness is more for you than for them. It's good that you're forgiving.

That being said, just because you forgive someone more times than once doesn't mean you have to keep them in your life or keep them around or even put up with them. At some point you can accept that they aren't treating you with decency and respect like you deserve and you don't have to be mad or angry at them to draw a line and say "Hey enough is enough. I don't like being treated like that", and then cut them out of your life. This doesn't mean you have to treat them indecently if the situation arises where you're forced to talk to them.

I'm not an angry person either but if pushed I could get angry. I had an ex call me a push over when she broke up with me (not that I was a push over just that I wasn't going to kick a person down about something they did when they felt bad for it and were giving a decent apology). She begged to be my friend months later and I accepted, she started treating me like dirt (which wasn't a problem when daating her) and I forgave her and gave her a few chances, but after about 4 or 5 months I just cut her out of my life and stopped talking to her because I was tired of her treating me like dirt. I've done the same things with friends in life who weren't good for me. I'm not angry at them, hold no grudges and wish them the best. However I can't keep them in my life and let them keep treating me poorly because I deserve better than that and this is better for me.

Though yeah just because you forgive somebody doesn't mean you can't set boundaries and put your foot down when needed.

[ammmb34]

thank you so much for the advice

[Shadow44]

No problem. I went through the same thing at one point. It's okay to stick up for yourself and to be respectfully vocal about things you dislike.

[Mega_illuminati]

'forgive but do not forget' , this may help you. Forgiveness is for your own peace of mind but to avoid being taken advantage of, do not forget next time before trusting them what happened last time.

[MaelaK]

I was like you (and certainly still am, though significantly less) until I got really fucked up. To say it merely.
I think that forgiving easily is great, because holding grudges only bothers you more than anyone else after all.
I'd say, keep forgiving, but try to figure out whether you're going to accept people back or not, whether you should put some distance or not, etc. Forgiving is not about acting like something never happened anyway.

[ammmb34]

thanks that is really great advice

[MaelaK]

You're very welcome :)

[MJWilliams97]

I use the 3 strikes and your out system.

[Princ3sa]

Lmk bc I need to learn the same 😑