How do I forgive myself for cheating?

Two years ago at the start of my LDR with my boyfriend we had a huge fight and I went to a party, got drunk and kissed someone else. I had no intention of cheating on him he just grabbed me and I kissed back 😞 I then continued to talk to this guy (no flirting) as friends for a week or so (I didn’t realise how wrong this was at the time but stopped contact) I told my boyfriend straight away what had happened and he being the amazing person he is forgave me. He never brings it up and has moved past it a long time ago - we are generally happy and in love. I know what I did is disgusting, horrible and I probably don’t deserve him but now ever since then I can’t forgive myself. Every time my boyfriend tells me he loves me I feel sick and sometimes throw up because I feel I don’t deserve those words. How Can I move on with my life without hating myself anymore? I know I probably deserve to hate myself but I can’t live like this. I am seeing a psychologist but it’s not helping. I know I made a huge mistake but this guilt is eating me alive.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • People do stupid things when drunk and this is because alcohol unlocks in a sense a separate carefree personality that can almost be described as a different person. This doesn't mean your not responsible for your actions when drunk but it does mean you can't be too harsh on yourself when you make mistakes, the important thing to remember is that you didn't persue anything more than a flirty chat and tbh flirty chats happen outside most happy relationships. It doesn't matter where you look, so long as you eat at home! If you are really having troubles, talk to your boyfriend and tell him what you are feeling and get him to tell you how cheating made him feel, it may help get you both on the same page, the point is you both want to be together, anything outside of that shouldn't really matter

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    • Thank you for your reply, you’re exactly right

Most Helpful Girl

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • You are one of the good ones.

    In my experience, few people would have the courage to admit a mistake like this, let alone demonstrate the introspection and self-growth necessary to realize it. The world needs more people like you.

    The only part that is missing is you should realize you earned his forgiveness by being honest, and he gave it to you because he loves you. It's over now, and you've suffered enough.

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    • Thank you so much, very kind of you

  • Whether anyone wants to admit it, we all flirt all the time. You put yourself in a situation which you regret. You did an incredibly open and honest thing in maturely discussing this with a person who also received and responded maturely. Hats off to you and your boyfriend. Forgive yourself and return in kind the love your boyfriend is seeking from you.

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  • I ve been in the exact same situation... It's cause u have this idea of being a perfectionist... U ha e to change that... What u did is wrong.. Absolutely but u can't do anything bout it now... Other than hurting ur boyfriend further by being so miserable.. so forgive urself and move on for his sake... I mean think of it this way... Worse things could ve happened... But u din.. so move on

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  • He forgave you, and clearly you're sorry. Ask for forgiveness from God (He will forgive you just as quickly) and dwell on the fact that everyone has forgiven you, and you could soon come to the conclusion that you can too.

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  • Okay. I hate cheaters.

    I never cindone cheating.

    But this is a bit over the top. If he let it go, then you let it go too. It was 'only' a kiss for fucks sake. You have taken your punishment from your own self. Now just try and enjoy what you have.

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    • Yeah people keep telling me I’m overreacting, thank you I will try

  • You're a sloot so you should be ashamed of yourself. Take responsibility for your actions instead of trying to rationalize your shit behavior. That would make you a shit quality human being.

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    • I have taken responsibility for my behaviour thank you, I have never tried to blame something that wasn’t me, I just don’t want to keep hating myself for the rest of my life

  • Use it as a framework to detour yourself from ever doing it again

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  • Tell your boyfriend that you're feeling very guilty for not being loyal. Tell him to kiss another girl so that you're even.

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  • If you can't forgive yourself, then you'll always live with that pain.

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  • well you're still lying to yourself. until you can be fully honest it will not go away

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  • If all you did was kiss then that's not really that terrible considering it's a ldr

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  • we make mistakes we own them and we move on

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