I told his wife about us, will he forgive me?

Ok... Not everyone is going to like what I'm about to type and I don't expect everyone to understand.

I have strong morals and values and I NEVER saw myself getting into this situation, but here I am.

10 months ago I moved to a new office and met a man who at the time intrigued me. We hit it off and became really good friends. I knew things were headed somewhere (people know these things) and when the "proposal" of fun arrived, I declined. Why - he had a girlfriend and 2 young children with her. Eventually though, I became weak and got involved. I thought it would be some fun and then we'd end it. But, when I started having stronger feelings for him and tried to end it, he wouldn't let me go. He fought for me. I warned him that I would get to a place of not wanting to share him and the more time we spent together, the more I fell in love with him. We work together, travel together, hang out together and he would spend up to 5 nights of the week with me. It got to a point where we sat down and discussed things and he said he'd like to move in with me. Long and short - he got married to her because he said he didn't want to lose his kids. He has children with his ex wife who makes it nearly impossible to see them. As a last resort in my desperation, I sent his now wife an e-mail telling her the truth. At the time, I was convinced I was doing it for her, but in retrospect I realize now that I was hoping she wouldn't marry him.

He's not showing me anger and is saying that he understands why I did it, as he says I had my reasons. He's taking responsability for his behaviour. However, he's saying he needs time to deal with everything and he's not being warm to me. He has told me however, that he would not expect me to be with him if he chooses to stay married now and that everything we had was real.

I think his wife has not made a decision about what she wants to do about things.

As selfish as I am and as terrible as this is - I love another woman's husband. Truly. I can't stop weeping and my world has fallen out from under me. Will he be able to forgive me, when he finally gets angry and realizes how much I betrayed his trust?

If he does forgive me and he leaves her to be with me, what hope do we have of our relationship working, when there's so many trust issues?

I would really appreciate mens responses! Preferably men who've been in similar situations.

If you're a woman who's married and has been cheated on - I know these posts anger you, but please try to not leave hateful comments. I'm being perfectly sincere in leaving this post.


Just an update...

We've sorted out our issues and we're friends. He says I don't need forgiveness because he truly isn't angry or hurt. Apparently what I did, merely irritated him!? I never have dated someone who was standard issue. Then again, he knows I had reasons to do it too.

I will never hurt him again!

Being without him in my life was so painful.

Thanks again for your input at my time of distress!


Most Helpful Guy

  • If I were him... you'd be finished. You really put him in a world of hurt now. He married his wife for a reason, despite whatever he's told you. And she is the mother of his kids. I'm guessing if he can salvage things with her he will. If not... why go for you considering what you've done? If he ends up getting a divorce he'll find some fresh new girl instead of picking the one who ruined his marriage and probably destroyed his relationship with is kids. You were just a fun escape. A mistress. You werent supposed to get attached.

    If I were him... that's what my reaction would be. No forgiveness for you.

    • Thank you for your response!

      Would you ever speak to me again? Would you speak to me now? How can I show him I'm really sorry?

      We did start out as a fun escape, but he persued it and wanted me to get attached. He was attached. It's not like he didn't hurt me either - he knows I have my reasons.

      Kids are young and she won't keep them away from him.

      He shouldn't have lied and said he didn't want to marry her, all the while making me believe he wanted me. No?

    • He is plenty wrong of course.

      Depends on how bad the fallout was. If it was bad...I wouldn't speak to you again. No sexual favor or any other display would makeup for what I imagine he's dealing with now.

      Find a single man. There are plenty. You never should have messed with a married guy. Better to take responsibility yourself than to put it off all on him. Learn a lesson from this.

    • I take responsability. The remorse and guilt I felt are part of what led me to tell her. Living a lie is exhausting and self destructing.

      Believe it or not - our relationship was not only about sex and I would never insult him by offering him that in the hopes of forgiveness.

      You're right, I suppose - nothing I do would make up for the pain I've caused him. But if the roles were reversed, I would forgive him. I need to forgive him now too for the pain he has caused me.

      Thanks again!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • No, he won't ever forgive you. I know I wouldn't.


What Girls Said 2

  • I am putting myself in the wife's shoes... What you did was the right thing. Yes you made a conscious decision to get involved with a man that was involved, but he took it way over the line when he decided to marry and not break off the relationship with you, instead he wanted to continue having his bread buttered both sides... You were both in the wrong and the only person that you have to ask forgiveness from is his wife. Both of you made decisions that affected her without her input. You may feel that you had broke his trust, but he broke that woman's trust. No matter how horrible she may be, there is not excuse that either of you put yourself in a relationship where everyone is a loser. Think of it, where are you now. His still married, you alone. He feels good because you.. the person who he decided to discard when deciding to go through with the marriage, asked him for forgiveness.. Do not feel like the bad person here, it may have been selfish, but if I was that woman, I would eventually come to realise that what you had done was right

  • Thats not for you to do, and go tell his wife about. You should have stayed out of his business and let him do it himself, that's so selfish. If I were him, Id never want to see you again. enough said.

    • You're right. I had no business there. Thank you!

    • Np, I really hope it works out for you.