Catching feelings for a long term friend?

[Anonymous]

I've been hooking up with one of my friends for years. We have always been in different places and doing different things. We dated other people. But every chance I get when we are in same city/country we see each other and have a great time. When we were teenagers he was never emotionally available. Now we have just graduated college and we both went through breakups a few months ago, but we've been in the same city ever since and seeing each other. We go to dinner and have casual sex all the time. He even took me on a boat date. We have a really amazing time together. But ever since we were young, it has only been casual because of the place and timing, but we get along perfectly and know everything about each other. Only thing is, is his lease is up in January and he is moving out west... and we will also be separated during the holidays. But I've realized I want to marry him, and I have a feeling deep down that he is the one. We are still a little young for marriage and need some more growing up to do. But I think I'm in love with him, what do I do? Do I tell him?

[Anonymous]

Yes you must! For your own sake if nothing else because if you don't, your feelings are only going to deepen over time and if he doesn't feel the same, yes it'll hurt now, but much much worse the more time that passes. And yes it's also a possible risk to the friendship, but it doesn't necessarily mean it will end it. And either way you're risking it because your feelings aren't just going to disappear. My suggestion though if you aren't sure how he feels, don't confess "love". Try a little less direct until you know. Let him know that you really value his friendship and hopes it doesn't change, but as time has gone on, that you've developed some feelings for him and you wonder if he feels the same? And if he doesn't, than you have to decide if you want to continue the friendship or not (ie you might not want to if your feelings are deep enough?).

[Wise4myage]

The timing is perfect for you to tell him how you feel right now. So don't waste this opportunity. Go on a romantic date to a place that makes you feel comfortable, and just tell him how you feel.

[Anonymous]

Well there’s nothing to lose by telling him. However, you may not get the outcome you want. Him moving is what makes me uncertain of a positive response, mostly because that isn’t the best time to be starting a new relationship. If he’s moving for work, he may want to focus on adjusting to both the move and settling into a new job. LDR’s are hard enough as it is, but they are doable with a silver lining. This situation just sounds sort of bleak.