Should I let be boyfriend continue being friends with his ex with all things considered?

[Anonymous]

I (21F) did not always have an issue with my boyfriend (21M) still being friends with his ex. But then I discovered that he was still jacking off to his ex (which has been confirmed) with old pics and sex tapes from when they were still together. After much time of fighting about him keeping them, him deleting and reinstalling the tapes and pics and then once again deleting them after catching him, I don’t know if I should continue to let them be friends as long as he’s with me. I would also like to mention the fact that he’s admitted he’s still attracted to her (sexually at least). I am not usually the one to get in the way of a friendship, but I think the feelings he has and the fact he’s disregarded how it all makes me feel make it inappropriate. I personally have tried to move on from this and just leave them be and let them be friends, but I feel like seeing the sex tapes in his phone ruined it for me. I feel rage and anxiety every time I see her face or hear her name now, and I don’t know if I can truly move on from this as it has been a few months now and I’m still not over it. Would I be in the wrong for asking him to not be friends with her anymore with all things considered?

BEFORE ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A DISCLAIMER THAT HE DID NOT WATCH HIS EX’S SEX TAPE BECAUSE I WOULD NOT MAKE ONE WITH HIM. I HAVE AND HE CHOSE TO USE HER’S INSTEAD.

[Fayeleo]

Question here is why are you allowing him to do all of this to you?

He made it clear to you he's been doing all these things and if you put up with it, you gave him the message that you are OK with what he'd done and he would most likely continue doing it. You obviously do not like it, so why not make it clear to him that it is NOT ACCEPTABLE his behavior. Unless he stops or you are out of this relationship.

You should not feel raged or anxious about his EX unless she is in this with him. It is not her doing but HIS DOING, your boyfriend's doing that is hurting you. Set your enemy right, girl.

And, I am a lot older than you and you might not like my older advices. But,
NEVER MAKE SEXUAL TAPE WITH YOUR BFs. Whoever asks you to is an ASS.
You never know how things would go down the road and if you two would eventually make it to the end. Having your nude pictures/videos in someone else's hands is outright dumb. (sorry, but it is). Don't be dumb as his ex.

[caring__1]

It's not about letting him do anything. This is a respect issue. Apparently he doesn't see a reason for showing you respect. This is who he is at this point in his life. You can stay and hold onto hope that he'll change, or you can find someone who truly respects you. Never attempt to be a puppet master in a relationship. If you have to spoon feed him and tell him what he can or can't do, you'll lose all respect for him. Not only that, he'll see you as his parent, and he'll respond as a child. You've already let him know you aren't comfortable with his behavior, yet he has chosen to ignore your feelings and continue it. Guys are not lumps of clay to be molded by women. What you see is what you get. If you don't like what you see, find it elsewhere.

[jamesgoldman]

Not in this scenario

I'm friends with my exes but that's because one is teaching me Polish and the other still checks in to make sure I'm not abusing nail varnish