Do you still love or have love for your exes?

[Anonymous]

Like you understand it’s over and don’t want them back and aren’t in love with them but you still love them and maybe always will?

Updates

+1 y

Why do so many people have such hate for their exes? Like at one point they brought you love and happiness. I could see if they turned completely evil and vile but I don’t think extremes like that are common.
And just because you still have love for them does not mean you want to be with them or make amends. That’s not the question.

[Lliam]

I had girlfriends from the time I was 16. I was infatuated with all of them and liked them a lot. I just didn't want to get married or settle down, so we eventually parted. I never had bad feelings toward any of them. I actually stayed in touch with my very first girlfriend and we're Facebook friends.

I had one girlfriend when I was 35 who turned out to be a psycho. She screwed me around. She's the only one I would never want to hear from again.

But I didn't know what true love was until I was 37. At that point, I met a woman named Petra who was 31. I wound up loving her with my entire heart and soul. She loved me, too. We virtually lived together for over a year. It was the best year of my life.

She had a rough childhood, got married in her teens and had a son, and gotten divorced shortly after. When I knew her, her son lived out of state with his father. As a result of her childhood, she had battled alcoholism but had pulled herself up and become an amazing, smart, plucky woman who was determined to survive and thrive.

We wound up separating for reasons that are complicated but had nothing to do with cheating or meanness. We were just not destined to spend the rest of our lives together.

I was a wreck for almost a year after the separation.

I finally pulled up my socks and met my future wife two years later. The two of us have been happily married now for over 25 years. She has taught me a lot and I adore her.

About 20 years after the last time Petra and I spoke, she found me on Facebook. We even spoke a few times on the phone. Her voice made my heart ache with the love that had never diminished. She had moved out of state to be with her mom and her son. She never remarried. I was overjoyed to be in touch with her, to know that she was in the world, happy and pursuing her dreams. Her Facebook posts were enlightening and inspirational.

Five years later, I read that she had died from a sudden medical problem. I was devastated. It left a hole in my heart that will never heal. I will never stop loving her and I will never forget her. I still visit her old Facebook page from time to time as if visiting her grave. I owe her so much. I'm the luckiest guy in the world for having known and been loved by that extraordinary women.

The fact that I always loved her and always will doesn't diminish my love for my wife.

[Asker]

That is a beautiful and very sad story, I’m sorry. What made that the best year of your life, did you guys have a strong connection or what was it about the two of you or her? Im curious.
Also I love her name, Petra is a gorgeous place I once visited (: was she from the Middle East?

[VIVANT]

😯 Wow I feel like I just read a short story and a bunch of beautiful poems. I don’t even know what to say tho I’m not surprised, you’re that kind of person.

Well this has had an unexpected impact on my day. I now understand the phrase “ that was touching” 😂

[Lliam]

Thank you, VIVANT.

[Lliam]

@asker. Her name was Petra Katarina Somsen. She was brought to the U. S. by her mom when she was two years old. She was a German citizen with permanent U. S. residency status.

She was 5'2", had blue eyes and blond, bouncy-curly hair. Her skin was flawless. From a physical standpoint, she was my ideal.

She worked as an autobody damage estimator at a body shop when I met her. She dressed kind of funny in what I would call costumes that were more suited to older women. There was a boutique where she bought her outfits. They would call her when they got something new in and she would get the entire outfit - dress or skirt, blouse, jacket and accessories. Nothing anything like sexy, but I thought she was a cute as a button. She always wore heels (not high spike heels) or corky wedgies because she was self conscious about her stature.

She was a bit shy but plucky and courageous. She initially came off rather conservative in her mannerisms.

I would see her regularly in the course of my job as a motor vehicle field claims adjuster/appraiser. I asked her out one day and she accepted.

I took her to a restaurant near the house she was renting and we had the nicest time. I walked her to her door, and before she went inside, she turned, put her hands on top of my shoulders, rose up on her tip toes, and gave me a tender kiss. Something about her kiss made my head swim.

We started dating regularly.

[Lliam]

As it turned out, she was hypersexual and orgasmic. I won't go into how unbelievable the sex was other than to say that, once we became a couple, we had sex at least twice a day and sometimes for hours without pause. Up to that point, even though I had had quite a few girlfriends, I had never imagined how wondrous sex could be. Her body was erogenous and she showed me the erogenous nature of my own body. We fell into the most ecstatic infatuation because of the sex. She made me feel like a sex god.

But I learned more about her personality, quirks, and behaviors. Aside from sex, there wasn't anything I didn't like. I also learned that she had been sexually molested from early childhood to the onset of puberty by her step father. It screwed up her head. In fact, it may very well have contributed to her hypersexuality. I mentioned before that she got married, had a son, and got divorced when she was in her teens. She became an alcoholic. She went to counseling for years and was still having a weekly session when we were together. She beat alcoholism. The girl was admirable.

We had so much fun together, went places, did things, took vacations. When I think of her fragile heart, indomitable spirit, wit and intelligence, bright smile and high heels, my heart aches.

[TruthBringer]

I neither love or hate them. I don't wish anything bad for them, at the same time I don't wish them the best. The opposite of love is not hate, but indiference. And that's basically it. They are just other strangers at this point. So they mean nothing to me anymore.

I loved one of them. Well I thought I did, what I actually loved was the persona she was selling me. It took over a year for her to show her true face. And I still tried to work things out. But without realizing, I was living the most miserable time in my life (yet). I was much happier before we met.

Despite all the shit her and her family put me through, I don't wish her ill. She is just another stranger who means nothing to me anymore. The only thing I feel for them is good riddance.

[Asker]

What kind of persona did she put on vs her real self? You have me curious (:

[TruthBringer]

At first it is all love bombing and then I found out she was hiding a mental illness. She also portrayed herself to care for others but time had shown me that she only cared for herself by letting the relationship revolve around her and her past that she refuses to let go of. She was willing to cancel plans we had to spend time together because she felt at that moment she liked to do something else, even though we have been looking forward to our plans for months in advance. She claimed to have loved me, but being past the pain and being wiser has allowed me to realize that she didn't truly love me, she only loved the attention I was giving her. Or perhaps she loved the idea of someone loving her.

It's basically a false persona she had been showing to everyone including myself only for me to find out that she was wearing it as a mask.

[Anonymous]

Yes, one of them. I'm 24 and I've dated 3 guys. When I was 17/18 I had my first boyfriend. We were in Year 12 which is our last year of high school here in Australia when we started dating and we broke up nearly 4 years later when I was 21. Our relationship didn't end on really bad terms, but we had differences and some communication problems. I was studying part-time and working full time and he was working full time, and yeah, life happens. We were together 3 years and 8 months which in a lifetime isn't long but at 21 leaving relationship that long feels like your world is ending. It's been 3 years since we broke up and he's had a new girlfriend for about 2 years now. We still have each other on social media but don't really talk. I still think of him every now and again. I'm good friends with his sister who is a year younger than me. In a way I secretly miss the young love and fun we had but I'd say I've moved on. We were each other's first romantic love and high school sweethearts. When I was 22 I had another relationship after him that lasted for 9 months that was verbally and emotionally abusive and I left. I was single a good year after that and so was he at the time and we talked again for a couple months and he supported me emotionally after a bad relationship but on his end it turned very physical which wasn't what I was looking for at the time when we re-connected a second time. We then decided to just be friends and then after that he got with his current girlfriend. Now I'm 24 and seeing a guy I've known for years the last couple months who was always a long-time friend but we're just taking things slow. I've just finished my uni degree after 5 years (had some time off for my health) and I work 2 jobs. My first ex works full-time and finished his apprenticeship and did a couple extra study courses and I'm happy for him and his current partner. I think deep down we cheer each other on from the sidelines. Sometimes I wonder in a daydream what our future would have been like had we stayed together and if we would be engaged or getting married by now (if we were still together now we would be coming up 7 years).

[Anonymous]

To be clear, with my last ex, there was no abuse, no cheating, no horrible deeds done to one another, we just weren't compatible in many ways and ended amicably. I have no love for him though...like I don't think fondly back on our relationship or want to go support him with whatever he's doing now, if that's what you mean by still having love for, because we broke up once before and I stupidly got back into the relationship hoping for change, and blame myself for doing so. I don't feel its good to keep people in your life that don't do anything for your journey. I surround myself with people who are supportive, loving, and want the best for me. Hanging on to people, even in your mind, who don't get that, is a waste of your life's energy.

[jennifer_bloom]

I don’t have feelings for the previous guy I dated and I would still date the last guy I flirted with but I won’t beat myself up and worry.

[blissinanarchy1]

My ex did me pretty damn dirty. I did love her, I still have feelings, but I put in 110% to that relationship. She told me she loved me, and she lost her virginity to me, we met parents... and soon as that spark faded she stopped trying. I got arrested (Just to be found innocent, trial was pushed back because of covid, and bail was too high) so wound up doing 18 months. I had my mom talk to her through facebook and she blocked my mom. Those 18 months I thought everyday what I'd say to her when I got out. How she impacted me. She blocked me on facebook as soon as I sent a message. Blocked on everything.

[Asker]

Wow I’m sorry that is a lot to go through at your age, or any age. I can understand the feelings in this case.

[VIVANT]

🤯 Someone needs a class action suit against them for keeping innocent people in prison just bc no money. And during a f’ing pandemic. Sheer evil.

I’m sorry you went through all that. reading this makes me so angry 😡

[blissinanarchy1]

@VIVANT was falsely accused of rape. And the crazy shit is, the allegations themselves didn't even add up to rape. Apparently she withdrew consent in the middle of sex without verbally saying "no" or "stop" and meanwhile actively participating. Beat trial without even denying anything she said.

[ObscuredBeyond]

I am still in love with two of them that are dead now. And I still love the one in China. But I realize that China will never let me have her. She had to move on to survive. And I've already forgiven her for it. She'll forgive me for doing the same. It's getting crowded in here with all these ghosts. 👻👻👻

I can think of two other gals I was interested in, but I never officially dated them. They turned evil. A few crushes, it never led anywhere, and I was able to walk away cordially. A few others, it never went very far, because they turned out to be total losers. Or con artists who weren't quite smart enough to keep me from figuring out their games.

[Siren777]

No. After a breakup I never go back. All my exes have tried numerous times to contact me though. As there is a reason for everything. So everything gets deleted and they have no way back into my life. The decision was made and I live with the decision. I am in no contact with any, we are all on good terms regardless but when things don't work out. You have to walk away. You take the memories with you but that's as far as it goes. Love for them? No not anymore. I can easily detach from people if they hurt me. Sometimes things don't work out and it's for the best.

[DaveJord]

No I do not wish anyone ill, but I do not have love for my exs. I always thought I would like to e friends with my exs, and I am more than capable of maintaining friendships but it has not ever happened for me.

[DaveJord]

Reply to update... we often think we are in love, but more times than not its more about us wanting to be in love than at some point your find you are trying harder than we should for something that is not.

Once you get out of the relationship and get space you can reflect back on things and then you truly realize how blind you were.. and how much more happy you are without that persons influence in your life.

Its not hate though, not for me. I do not hate my exs... but honestly I have no empathy for them either. They are just none factors in my life, and I use the experience to find better women. Now days I just cut them off and dump them the second things start to get weird. In my younger days I fooled myself into believing that they would change because the truly loved me and cared... but the harder I tried for them the easier I made it for them to be less than I deserved.

[Asker]

I can understand that. Did you really love them then?
Separate question for you, when did you realize how blind you were and lose the love you felt? Was it years beyond or immediately after?

[DaveJord]

In the end no I really never did love them, but I thought they would change for some reason. So I guess I loved them more for the person I wanted and thought they could be and not for who they really were.

Yes I loved them at first, because they seemed sincere about things and expectations. But once i got married things changed slowly and then completely, so for my dumbass it took me about 10 years to realize what was really going on and by that time I had two kids. But as the saying goes... some times you become so close to the problem that you become the problem. So maybe I was the problem the whole time because I allowed for it and over compensated for them throughout the entire relationship.

[Asker]

I like this. thank you for sharing (: this makes sense and sounds real

[DaveJord]

No problem... its definitely real! Good lucky to you.😊👍

[Drumlin2001]

I was very late starter, didn't have relationship till 35. My ex helped me through a lot of anxiety and gave me time to process things. It didn't end well unfortunately. There would never be a way back, but I don't have much ill feeling and wish her the best

[EmmaMary]

All four of my ex's and I have remained in contact with each other, and in fact two of them attended my wedding as I did with theirs, and we still send both birthday and Christmas cards to each other.

[Asker]

That’s lovely 💗

[EmmaMary]

Perhaps I've just been extremely lucky in being able to remain at least good friends, with no hate or animosity.

[hhadeshatesme]

I wouldn’t say love but I can appreciate the good memories we shared. I don’t wish anything bad on him but I wouldn’t want him in my life again. I’ve had little flings and what not before and after my ex but was never genuine love/emotions. My ex was my “first love” probably the only reason I don’t hate him even after everything he put me through

[ManOnFire]

I only still have that love and care for one ex, my last one. Ultimately though I think what we're feeling when we have this is maybe our own nostalgia or our memory of what this person was to us. But I do understand your point and I really do like this question a lot. I'm actually working on a Take about exes right now.

[Alwayreckles93]

It took me about half a year to get over me ex husband. He got involved with Amway and cheated on me I do care about his well being but I no longer have romantic feelings for him. And my ex Jestin he was a great person except his mom Amy hated me and Jestin broke up with me took about 2 years to get over him. Now when I was visiting Texas I saw him with his new girlfriend I realized my feelings for Jestin are all gone. Why is love so painful lol

[TheorionMage]

Several, 'yes'. If you TRULY loved someone, it goes dormant, NOT away... if their personality hasn't changed.
Listen to Rod Stewart's "One More Time, for Old Time's Sake"

Its been MY personal experience I've remembered how every woman I've loved FIRST appeared, the first time I became infatuated with them. It how they appear in my memory.
You NEVER get a SECOND chance to make a FIRST impression... ; ) <3

[petitedollbabee]

I still have love for my last ex, but that’s more of a friendly love because we remained best friends after our relationship didn’t work out. There’s a big difference between being in love and just loving someone.

[Asker]

Yes exactly

[ChrisMaster69]

A few of my ex’s I am in touch with and we are friends.

i had my ex wife stopping over for Christmas (we are still good friends).

in fact my ex wife and an ex girlfriend are best mates lol.

[Asker]

That’s cute lol

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

I do not love my ex but do not hate her too.
There is no point in hating.
If we meet again, accidently, I would just be friendly with her. That's it.
Because I have my life and she has hers. And the mature thing is to let go of the emotions. They are going to be toxic for myself only. So no point in hating.

[Prettygurl12]

I don't think I ever loved my ex. Keep in mind that we dated when we were 15 so... not a lot of maturity happening there.

I certainly don't hate him but I don't feel anything lol

Last I checked I think he got married and is a rocket scientist or something. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[KatieB713]

No, not in the slightest...
My ex was a gas lighter and what I felt for him (even when we started dating) was the fact I thought I was better off with him than being alone... which he reminded me for more than 3 years till he dropped me as I was no longer useful...
I have some nice memories and I don't hate him (although everyone else does) but I don't feel anything for him either?

[MrtoddsWildRide]

I do. I talk a lot a crap about her and she did some horrible things, but in the end we were together a long time and most of it was good. She has been an amazing mother to our kids and if push came to shove I think that if I needed help, she would probably give it to me and I would do the same for her.

[Anonymous]

When I was hurt, I hated him, probably I looked at him during those days as if he's the worst person ever. But when forgiveness took place, I felt less hate, and maybe I still have love for him. I still think of him, I don't like it, but that's what I feel. I don't want him back, but I miss him, I know it's mess up but him back in my life would probably will create more mess and hurt. I'm choosing myself for now, although it wasn't all sunshine but maybe one day.

[Evan64]

Absoultely not. I'm a little disappointed since my last partner was the only one who agreed with me on the childfree thing, but she was also codependent and it was very draining-almost like having an actual kid! It's very difficult (if not impossible) to find women out there who don't want kids that I'm compatible with, and I think that's the only reason I tolerated it for so long.

[dustybiker]

Yes. The love is still there as a memory is. It connects to the moments when I felt that way.

[Asker]

Exactly

[KeithLane]

Yes, I still love all of them. Luckily I never had a break up do to cheating or anything bad. It was always life getting in the way, going in the Army, moving for business. A couple if younger ladies who could not cope with the pressure of an interracial relationship.

[Better_off_here]

i think love is always gonna be there i know that you can care for someone and love them even if you do not talk to them either.
love is love you can love anyone, you can love an estranged relative as well too.

[Asker]

Exactly what I’m referring to.

[eblehe]

I do miss the friendship we had. It's not love, hell no. Just maybe because we were a good team and ended without any bitterness towards each other. And relationships like that leave a little empty space in the heart.

[red324]

Yeah but I'm seeing someone now that I guess kind of makes me forget about her. I kind of learned to not let myself fall so hard again because it's not worth the pain.

[Asker]

So you’re never going to love someone deeply again?

[red324]

Doubtful. I've been ghosted and dumped so many times for no reason at all, so my heart is guarded now.

[Asker]

I’m seeing a guy right now who sounded just like you.. I think with the right girl you’ll come around and love again, but she has to be good and right and love you. I wish you the best.

[Slartybartfast]

Absolutely. I've always wished her well. I haven't seen her or had any contact in 20+ years and frankly she ruined my life and cost me everything I had. Including my love of life itself.

But , that's just love isn't it?

[normandi]

U r 31 and u left her 20 years ago so u were eleven

[Slartybartfast]

@normandi read my bio... Crap I'm going to have to make a new account at this point..

I had no idea it listed age when I made the account. Facebook thinks I'm 104 now.

[dustybiker]

@slartybartfast I always thought you sounded mature for your age. 😁

Maybe @GirlsAskGuys will correct it for you.

[Anonymous]

deep down I wish things with my first love could have been different. So I have learned to contain the fury I felt towards how for ruining what I thought had so much potential and by playing with my feelings. But the fact that I wish things had been different is proof is in the fact that I miss him that I do love him

[magiusX26]

if you don't still gave love for them, then you never loved them to begin with. proven with psychology.

[Asker]

That’s what I lean towards…

[SmokyOne]

Absolutely. We went through a lot, and whether we ended on good terms or bad they helped me grow as a person and I'm changed because of them.

Don't want them back but if they were ever in trouble and I could help I would

[Tiptoetamm]

Yes i have love for some of my ex's I wish nothing bad on them but we are ex's for a reason and it's staying that way. They always come back oh baby please give me another chance ummm no thanks

[JustinTheGreat]

No. Maybe at a time, I still cared for them and wished the best for them. But now it’s been years since I’ve heard from any of exes, haven’t even thought about them until this question.

[Anonymous]

I personally do not. I'm so glad to be rid of him. He abused me and manipulated with me. I was with him too long and I am SO glad to be rid of him! Also, I'm with a MUCH, MUCH better guy now, and if I hadn't gotten out when I did I never would have met him (or had the child I'm currently pregnant with)

[darkfoxjj]

I still have love for some, depending on how they treated me (afterwards).

[darkfoxjj]

What about you?

[DarkCarousel]

I have a deep fondness for two of them, especially for my first love. Though neither of them are in my life anymore.
The other two can eat dirt.

[abc3643]

Yes. I don't want to discuss it further other than it's been 30 years of pain.

[Asker]

I’m sorry :(

[abc3643]

You did nothing wrong, young lady, so you have nothing to be sorry about.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont want them to die but i rather see them at least wounded than still have love for them hoes. I dont wish them love and happiness but i wish them a healthy life and hopefully they’ve grown into a better person

[bulletbob555]

I still try to treat them with respect. Others I hope they respect us never talking or seeing each other again. I'm loyal if they meant something to me it just didn't work out. I don't badmouth them or wish them ill will

[Twalli]

I don't think I will ever have an ex. I mean even if my future wife dies, she won't be an ex.

[Asker]

You’ve not had an ex?

[Twalli]

No, and judging by the fact that my girlfriend and I have yet to exit the honeymoon stage after 3.5 years, I don't think I will. I think it would take a lot of effort from both of us to break up. Honestly it's not a good idea to put effort into a breakup.

[Asker]

Aw that’s cute (:

[Purplemonkey242]

Most definitely. I have feelings for 2. The other one is a friend and I wish him well

[computer_guy]

its chris back on for a little bit just saying hi

[pretty_bad]

Yes I do but only 1 of my ex... and I feel like that's because we have history together ❤ but it doesn't mean I'll mess with him if I'm in a relationship

[AviatorTom]

When you love someone, the live never disappears, the like does.

[lycanthrope3]

i have a fondness for all of them, a little more for some, depending on how it was

[lycanthrope3]

I am friends with nearly all of them on facebook

[Asker]

That’s sweet ☺️

[PrettyPriya]

Not a chance. Once an the are an "EX" that is it. I move on completely.

[Asker]

I don’t mean you haven’t moved on. I mean there is still love there.

[Chattyguy44]

I still have some love for my ex-gf of 5 years, but she's moved on, has 2 kids, it will never happen again unless fate says it's ment to be.

[RobT312]

I will always remember them, and remember the times I loved them, but no I no longer love them. I move on

[AskInGirl94]

I fallen for a guy but never actually been with him.
I thought one day I was going to New York to be with him
15 years later I still remember his voice leaving me speechless and that sexy Marilyn Monroe birth mark on his face.

[TacosRAwesome]

I have love for all my nob serious exes. I do wish them well.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

Except for one of them, my exes are still friends to me.
No, I no longer love them more than just friendship.

[Nagahime]

No, that cunt can go fuck himself and fall in a ditch and get pulled down under by a bunch of crazy underground animals so they can rip his insides out and eat him alive. I loathe that motherfucker.

[Nagahime]

To answer your update, I hate him because all he did was treat me like shit and manipulated me into getting into the relationship with him and throughout the whole relationship. He emotionally abused me, physically abused me, and mentally abused me. And he was the person who caused one of the most traumatic experiences in my whole entire school career to date. So why tf do you expect me to still love this sick bastard? lmao.

[bamesjond0069]

I love and care for all my exes. They were all really awesome girls that did right by me and they just didn't have exactly what i was looking for.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

I still have love for them.

[DiegoO]

No, not really. From about two years ago, every romantic feeling I had for her, dissapeard.

[Anonymous]

Hell no. I don’t hate them (not all of them at least) but I definitely no longer have any love for them.

[BonnieBoo]

God no, I hate my ex with a passion & hope he hurries up & gets a heart attack. 😊😊

[exitseven]

No, I really do not. I did have a few female friends that I have not seen in 30 years and I might still love them.

[IveGotNoName]

I dont have exes, but I'm sure I would be somewhat still in love with the person they used to be prior to the breakup if I were to ever get an ex.

[NorthAfrican]

Nope
I am fully in love with the man I'm with now.

[Velvet91827]

I think this clip perfectly summarizes my thoughts on this:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/pEa07GOtQs4

[zeitgeist057]

I feel the same way except the pain part, for me it's just beauty and the fact that I'm somewhere else now and so are they; it doesn't hurt because I don't want what I haven't got. I just accept what is and it feels good to reminisce and cherish what was.

[Hellraiser1984]

Nope no love at all. Screw them. I did the right things they lied and cheated on me.

[annabananna]

I’m completely over all my exes. I wouldn’t want them back. They were someone I liked when I was younger but I’ve changed what I like.

[JohnQue74]

Have no hard feelings. Were still friends and still talk to each other