My boyfriend deleted a message from a girl to avoid an argument and lied about it?

[Samanthamariexo]

My boyfriend has always been very honest with me and I never had a reason to not trust him but recently I saw a girls name on his recent Snapchat, however the conversation was cleared out so I couldn’t see who started it and how many messages were sent. The girl was someone he took on a date before we started dating and I remember him telling when it happened how awful it went and how he rejected her for a second date.

This girl does not know that we are together (I don’t think) because me and him are both very private with social media and we haven’t been dating for that long. She also kissed one of his friends recently… i’m a very jealous person and so my boyfriend claims that he deleted the messages and hopes to hide it from me so that we wouldn’t fight about it for no reason since it was nothing of importance and it would’ve caused a stupid fight between us.

He first admitted to it being a picture of her and his friend (the one she kissed recently) but then admitted right after that it was actually a picture of her at a bar in his hometown but there was no caption (I assume she was hoping he would come find her). He was out of town on a ski trip at the time (which is true) I’m really hurt that he lied to me but was it justified? If what he came clean to was true I think that it is forgivable because I do tend to be overbearing and jealous when it comes to other girls and I do start fights.

So should I be worried that he’s lying about other things or did he just not want to fight? He deleted the girl on social media after this and offered for me to look through his phone but I said that that wasn’t necessary. He has never been sneaky and often wants me to go out with him to bars but I’m worried that they may have spoken more than what he is admitting to and I don’t know what to do. Should I forgive him and give him a chance and try not to be so crazy about other girls? Again he rejected this girl in the past before me and him started dating.

[Kat_Marie]

Maybe something that you could do is tell him how you're feeling. Don't start with "this is what I think" or "I think you doing that makes me feel ______ because _____." Say "I feel ____." Make it short and simple. Your feelings are valid whether or not other people get like that or not. Your feelings are valid whether your boyfriend thinks it's unreasonable or not. You're a whole entire person who has been through whole entire traumas and life experiences that alter your mind. You are human. You are valid. If he respects your feelings, he should want to avoid things that make you feel bad. If you would like to work on things that you may be able to change, maybe go to a therapist and explore some of the issues you may be uncomfortable with. Maybe you can change and heal, or maybe you will still feel the same in these situations, but will learn to understand yourself better and advocate for yourself and how you feel in certain situations like this and have more compassion for yourself, and express your needs better to your partner as well without feeling shame or guilt, which will also lead to healing and healthy boundary setting.(:
What do you think?
If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. ♡

[Kat_Marie]

I guess I should add to make sure you let him know that you really just need him to listen. You can't change over night, and you also don't even know yet if you can change the way you feel about things like that. You are allowed to have boundaries. You're going to need compassion from yourself and him since it's eating up at you like this.
Remember he is human too and ultimately will make his own decision whether or not to give you care in these moments, or to disregard your feelings and want something different. If he can't care for you with something little like this, maybe he either doesn't care that much and isn't willing to understand.. or maybe it will just take time and talking about it together more than just once. Remember, he's human too.

[Samanthamariexo]

Thank you for genuinely giving an appropriate answer unlike a lot of people on here! This was very helpful

[Kat_Marie]

Your welcome. I find people on here are very insensitive and unmindful. I've been listening to a lot of podcasts about mental health and started seeing a psychotherapist a couple months ago, so I'm learning a lot! (:
Would highly recommend!
Again, if you ever wanna chat, just send me a message. Sending hugs!

[PrettyPriya]

Yes, I would be concerned if you caught him lying. Especially about a girl that he took out on a date. What has he to hide would be my question.

[IMuser]

Unfortunately my personal experience says that there are a lot of girls who say that I want the truth but when you tell them the truth, instead of understanding your intentions, they start fussing in their head.

It's therefore, sometimes better to hide

[spartan55]

You admit you are crazy jealous, so he wanted to avoid it. She probably just hit him up and he didn't want you to freak. Look, if he's going to chest or be with someone besides you, he will. Acting like a jealous lunatic won't stop it.

[allielynn]

well he hid it and then lied about it because he knows that you would freak out if you saw it. why would you check your boyfriends phone in the first place? y'all are so weird, get a life.

[Samanthamariexo]

I wasn’t checking his phone, he was showing me something and I happen to see it

[allielynn]

mhm sure

[Anonymous]

You sound like a jealous lunatic.

I don’t know why the fuck young people are up each other’s asses constantly with social media. “OMG someone messaged him and it was a girl! OMG he blocked me on Snapchat!”

Get. a fucking. life.

[Kat_Marie]

Most older people don't use social media the same. It's very uncommon at least.

[Samanthamariexo]

It’s not about social media necessarily, it’s more about him showing me something on his phone and I happen to notice some thing that stands out to me and then I find out that he lied. It’s about lying, it’s not about a girl snap chatting him

[Anonymous]

You're an over thinker, I can tell just with this question and your right up. He knows this also and didn't want to get you going because it was probably nothing at all to him. So he didn't want it to become "a thing", like it has for you.

[boobliker]

why is he still your boy?

[Abdulwahh]

You need to discuss this with him