I agree with everything on your list except the very last one.
"expectations that are achievable", an expectation is an idea that someone else comes up with in there own frame of mind about how another person is so to react or accomplish.
Havin dealt with that scenario personally, it is extremely selfish (in my opinion), to expect some one you love and care for to perform or gain, task wise or monetary wise, just because you said/thought so.
Due to the fact that you will never know whether or not there physically, mentally or socially capable of it, aka you dont live in they're mind so you'll never know.
Don't ask a snail to win a race against a dog and get angry cause they lost.
I hope i worded that properly... and Ill throw an example out for you.
Me and my ex started fighting back in 2019, she wanted me to get a job.
Which on the short end of the spectrum makes sense, and i was trying to find a job.
However I needed to play my cards correctly because we had a child and because i was home and job searching, I was the only one capable of watching our daughter, we could not afford child care.
So even though i was job searching and no one wants to hire someone who needs Fridays and sometimes Saturdays off due to having a kid, or because there not "qualified". I was constantly turned down. however catch 22's at least I could watch our daughter and we didn't have to pay child care.
However, she expected me to be a "man", and get a job now considering i was never hired how was that my fault?
It was extremely selfish of her to "expect" me to get a job and watch our daughter at the same time, and every other aspect of owning a house. Not that I wouldn't do it, but the load would stack so high that it became physically impossible, but in her eyes it was possible and gave her a right to be angry at me due to it.
Im not fucking superman.
This wedge eventually grew deeper on multiple levels, I don't, won't or ever will "expect" any person I date in the future to achieve something that I would personally deem to be needed/achievable.
I really hope i explained my opinion properly.
I agree with everything except that last line, kind ties in with the 2nd to last line i do get that.
Cuddling, sleeping in the same bed, agreed upon things to keep agreed upon, spending most time with me, doesn't try to change me from who I am.
Is not of conservative mindset (No need to be with someone who will just disagree with me on everything morally), not religious or at least not following a organised one, not vegan, don't believe stuff like Flat earth, astrology etc. These last ones here could be less expectations in a relationship and more just someone I wouldn't date but it's still an expectation for them not be that or become that i suppose.
Not much else.
There is quite a lot of things that would turn me off in as to likings, but I think that's stuff to just look over and not try to change the person for who they are. It would make them less attractive to me though so it's for like ever single one I will be more inclined not to go near them. But I can look over many if I like the person.
Anyway I think my first lines are more relevant to the question you asked than the more getting into weeds I did afterwards.
Aside from the obvious things like be nice, respectful, loyal etc,
As a diagnosed neuroatypical, firstly he has to understand that the way my brain is wired is different from what's considered normal. Without him being an empathetic and accommodating person a relationship just won't work. Clear communication is literally essential for me, not in a way how most people say that communication is important and then they end up doing the same old playing games throwing hints thing, but rather that I just don't understand things if I'm not being told directly. Next is that he must not take it personally when I'm going through mental health issues. Sometimes I'm not happy and if he takes it personally all the time it's stressful for me. And one more thing I realized very recently is that, no matter how much people say that in relationships you don't expect rewards or anything else in return for the good things you do and the compromises you make, I am the kind of person who sometimes does things for his sake even if it doesn't make me happy or even makes me suffer a bit in the moment. I realized that I hate when it is not acknowledged because I chose to do it, I don't want to be put on a pedestal but some acknowledgement and affirmations would be nice.
Before I was in a real relationship I had unrealistic and high expectations of relationships lol 😆 then I did read lot fan fiction. I literally had no experience or knowledge of out life. I assumed it was straight forward being in a relationship
you have sex get married snd children and the rest is history.
in stories they never mentioned in between times the real life side of things that happen day to day.
I was far from wrong with my belief
even naive.
lol 😆
it has its challenges and conflicts. And I mean in relationships in general.
But I learnt no one is perfect. And no couple stay the same though the relationship we change in our interests to hobbies to even love.
i learnt it about learning to understand one another and communication and understanding is a big thing.
Opinion
56Opinion
I love for consistency, cooperation, kindness and compassion
RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING: If you want an Ephesians 5 husband or your emotional etiquette met THEN be good in Sex department. We are not wired the same. Woman: E to Sex; Man: Sex to E‼️
—Women, what a pain in the 🚼 BECAUSE none of you listen. Talk about communication and unrealistic Expectation 🤷🏻♂️.
—Most of you could never be fantasied about by “Spouse” because you are so “what I’m missing or require” focused. Old and bitterly divorced is destiny there.
--Let me break it down Simple one more Time. A woman with some FEMININITY, integrity, character, and not trying to be a man, whether gorgeous or not, can be quite happy. For the last time 💋🍆 are Number One. Everything else will prune up and implode but the jaw, as much as ya’ll talk-with or without teeth 🦷, serves‼️
—You want a confident man, both gentle and serving, then Rethink your Doing. The definition of both Stupid and Crazy is Continuously Doing the same thing that was/has not been working 🤷🏻♂️
—UNDERSTAND HOW WE WORK IF YOU WANT TO KEEP US. There’s a Reason, that the Nanny or Secretary, replaces the wife or girlfriend. 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
I think a lot of those can be expectations in a lot of relationships. Two of them very much being friendships and relationships with family members. That's why it can be really weird when some people seem to treat family members and friends then they do with the person they are in a romantic relationship with. Though a lot of those can be applied to the expectations we should have when it comes to our relationship with yourself.
Though the last part can explain a lot. If our relationship with ourselves is not meeting some basic expectations like those laid out on that list it's no wonder our relationship with a romantic partner is bad.
This is a fun question.
1/2 my age plus 7 minimum, then her dads age is 18 above mine, and she isn't a day older than me. <The complicated age equation.
Then she matches me in my present. So presently, she must be attractive, she comes in peace, she is in shape, not overweight, she is never married, no kids, doesn't have a big judgmental head to judge every thing around her, so maybe more laid back.
(I'll be single forever!)
I think this is the definitive list. It is extensive. Yes, I'm... still single. Perhaps because..
I have a tons of expectations for my idea girl but I give you a couple of the main expectations.
1. Honesty
2. Friendship (Just because we might be an item doesn't mean we can't hang out like regular friends.)
3. Not judgmental
4. Not racist, sexist, or homophobic I don't want to date a hating braod no way.
5. Sweet
6. Pretty (Let both look good!)
7. Intelligent (She doesn't have to be a super genius but I ain't into really dumb girls not for me.)
8. Goal Oriented
9. Independent ( I make my own money and she makes her own money.)
respects me and MY FAMILY
basic common sense
not too clingy
has some self respect
and lastly, the most important being, that both of us should be comfortable enough to talk about anything (Honesty). People usually think, saying something would hurt the person, for me if i am with someone, if i 'love' someone i listen to their advices, i take them in a good way, so pointing out and telling me, HEY YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT, OR WHAT YOU DID WAS NOT RIGHT. YOU COULD HAVE DONE THIS LIKE... makes me feel cared and loved. had they not cared they wouldn't have pointed out.
So basically, even if it is harsh, say it on my face.
1. Reciprocate and put effort into the relationship.
2. Vocalise. If there is something bothering you, be straightforward about it, even if you think it will make me unhappy. I want to work through our issues together.
3. Do not expect me to read your mind. If you want something, tell me. I will be more than happy to oblige.
4. Do not invalidate my feelings and experiences just because you have been through worse.
5. Be there when I need support.
6. Trust me. Or let me know if you have trust issues and we can slowly work it out together.
7. No toxic or passive-aggresive behaviour.
8. Make a conscious effort to set asidetime for the two of us.
9. Practise monogamy.
I expect that no has or will live up to such a idealistic fantasy... cause when we have its or available perfect right in front of us we pick it apart or redefine or fall short of the ideals we set for others... less is never More, more to much, better than enough of having less. Since our individual experiences as are different our interpretation of actions, events
Our age gender past n present experiences can equally feel as sinconicity to one an other in one moment or so far out of alightment next monent cause I'm perfect I'm right according to how completely bullshit drama our relationships turn out. Men guilty but as are woman in saying one thing but the opposite is the real way it is.. but admitting that we could be wrong about our selves.. wow could it be I'm a fake false flawed person.. probly not cause your way too pretty n smart n educated.. to see any other way
I never really had any. I'm more into adapting to the circumstances than trying to adapt to the circumstances. So if I was really clicking with a girl, I gave it shot. After enough shots, I got my wife. I don't think I had any expectations or standards the whole point.
- Respect, Trust, and kindness
- Loyalty and monogamy
- Love, affection, intimacy
- Monogamy
- Shared Values and beliefs
All hard to find these days. Not worth trying after all the untrustworthyness, selfishness, disloyalty, false claims of love, and false claims of monogamy as well as lack of shared views and beliefs. Too much of all that turned me cold hearted. No one wants someone who is cold hearted
I haven't been in a relationship, so I don't know 100% what I want in a relationship... except these 2:
No control over me in any shape or form.
I'm not good at reading emotions. So if my What-If/Would-Be is upset, don't expect me to simply "pick up the cues". And have to actually tell me.
Cute looking,
highly intelligent and from STEM fields only, otherwise it will never work between us. Girls from other fields will not like guys like me.
Kind and willing to help at animal/homeless shelters with me.
at least can play one instrument... I play three
can cook or at least help, I can make great food but it's tiring to do all every day. I did for the last girl and she left anyway.
No sex work, onlyfans...
love to travel and explore new and rare places, not bars and pubs only. A city can have miraculous hidden gems...
no countless amount of past boyfriends or too many male friends, they are not just for me
I’m not in a relationship but I would still want a guy to be kind, respectful, sweet and caring ☺️
Hopefully he could try to learn sign language that would really mean a lot to me too, even though I know it’s really hard
1.) Communication
2.) Loves kissing and hugs
3.) Loves to cuddle
4.) Loves kissing and sex
5.) Understanding both of us
if she is sick or I'm sick I hope
we comfort each other
6.) Honesty
7.) Respect
8.) PDA
I have high standards and low expectations.. for expectations, I want back massages for life, not just after he reels me in and claims me his and we tie the knot.
I'm really big on "we are going to figure out how to fix whatever the problem is" instead of breaking up when things are rough. I need her to have that same mindset. Some people give up too easily.
Loyalty and intimacy.
I should be the only one seeing her naked. No onlyfans.
She has to want and be good with kids. She has to be the kind of woman I would want my daughter to be when she's an adult.
I'd say these are reasonable expectations.
Open communication, emotional support, 100% effort, loyalty, affectionate, trust, and interest in eachother's interests. No talking to anyone you slept with in the past. And not being intelligent is a turn off.
For me it's as follows.
Love
Loyalty
Compassion
Generosity
Affection
Intimacy
Kindness
Those are most important to me, there is more, but I won't make a long list.
I feel like what you listed exactly, it’s surprising tho how rare it can be when you get granular because all of that can be different to many people.
I expect that she be above average in compassion, above average in intelligence, and I must find her physically attractive.
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