Am I causing trouble to their relationship?

[Anonymous]

I have a close friend. We have known for three years and been close for over 1 year. I recently found he has a girlfriend and they have dated for almost two years. I found out because I asked after I saw them together. He hadn't mentioned her.

Well after that things have been weird. He said they are going to breakup after I found out. I got mad at him because he hadn't told me and I found that weird. We have now talked about this and we are friends again. The reason he hadn't told me was because he forgot. He said that he wants me to trust him even though he kept this secret and that I'm important and close to him.

Now I have this feeling that his girlfriend doesn't like me. She seems upset everytime she sees me and doesn't talk to me that much even though I try to be friendly. Everytime I talk to my friend she shows up and interrupts. They are now trying to continue their relationship and make it work. My friend says it's okay to his girlfriend that we are friends but I doubt it because of her behaviour. However my friend seems really happy everytime he sees me.

Am I causing some trouble or am I overthinking this? Should I distance myself from my friend? He is really close friend so I don't want to lose him but I want to respect their relationship.

[Losalt]

Talk to her.
Let her know that you *really* aren't interested in him as more than a good friend, that you don't want to get between them.
And perhaps see if you can find some shared interests where you and she can both spend time with him without her feeling threatened.
And possibly if she does say that she feels uncomfortable with you two if there's anything you or he can do to help her feel more comfortable.

Fundamentally if she's feeling jealous it's because she's not feeling safe in the relationship.
And if you want to have a relationship of any kind with him (friendship is *also* a form of relationship) then you need to take that into account as the three of you have 6 interconnected relationships to deal with.
You with him, him with you, you with her, her with you, her with him and him with her.
Each and every one of those can influence the other ones and if you value any of them you'll need to do your part to help all 6 of them to be healthy.

[Losalt]

"need to help your partner with all of them" not "do".
Typo -_-

[Miristheiss]

I don't know how much time you spend alone with this guy. If you two are close and he hangs out with you a lot and talks to you all the time and you two go out on friend "dates" and do stuff alone then you very well may be a source of issues between them.

[Asker]

We don't have friend dates. We usually just have long text convos about deep stuff. If we see each other somewhere then we usually hang out and sometimes just two of us. But not that often.

[Miristheiss]

"deep" stuff.

Well that could be seen as him sharing his heart with you and having emotional intimacy with you... something she may have a boundary about... that is the stuff SHE gets from him as the girlfriend. His heart is for her and he shares his deep stuff with her... not some girl "pal".

[Asker]

Now when I think about it we may have an emotional affair.

[tulipgirl18]

Maybe talk to the girlfriend? And honestly in the girlfriends side of view she might be jealous because of your guys close friendship, and might see it as threat that you guys have a stronger bond than him and her.

[Anonymous]

He forget? That he had a girlfriend? And you buy this? 🤨

[Asker]

So why did he keep it as a secret?

[Opinion Owner]

To string you along. To keep you on the back burner in case it doesn’t work out with his current girlfriend.
His girlfriend seems to have sense enough to know this.
Why don’t you?

[Asker]

I don't believe he would do that to me.

[Opinion Owner]

What you have already described shows that he would.

[spartan55]

Your 'really close friend' is a liar and sketchy af. He 'forgot' to tell you he had a girlfriend and you bought that? Wow... I've got some land in Florida to sell you too.

[Asker]

So why did he keep it as a secret?

[spartan55]

Because he wanted to present himself as single...🙄