Yes. More often than not, its weird.
As someone who used to perpetually date older (19 dating 30-32), I can say in hindsight that very often the younger 20s person is much more willing to change and comply to the demands of the relationship, whereas by mid-late thirties, that person is closer to the 'accept it or don't' phase of life.
In my personal experiences, it was the small things that turned into big things that really showed this dynamic. One person wants to go out and try new foods/restaurants and the older person has already done that so prefers to stay in.
It often turns into bigger complications like the older more established partner refusing to move (even if it's 1 town away) to accommodate for their younger partners job sucess. Or an older person refuses to hang out with their younger partners friends because 'it makes them feel old'. Or the younger partner constantly trying to act more adult for someone who isn't a functional adult either.
Dating an older man often means that this man is not particularly attractive within his own age group, hence why he is dating down in age and lifestyle expectations. A woman his age often wants marriage, kids, a shared mortgage. If he can't give that to a women roughly his age ( /- 4 years), why would he give that to you?
Obviously, it does work for the minority (probably about the same as high school sweetheart romances). If it works, don't break it. Just statistically yes, it's weird.
I wouldn't worry about the age itself. I'm dating a guy 21 years older and it's easier the best relationship of my life. In fact, I'm confident the age gap is part of why it's the best relationship of my life. Guys my age (at least from my experience) aren't interested in commitment, are selfish, and just want to get in your pants (and are selfish when they do). I think older men are much more likely to be interested in commitment, selfless, and want more in the relationship than just sex (but be much more interested and better in/at pleasuring you when you have sex). So in my book the age gap very well may be a plus.
However, the problem I'd have is that he lied to you about it. It's not necessarily the end of the world. Most all of us tell white lies on occasion, and maybe he was just nervous you wouldn't give him a chance. But at the same time a lie isn't a good way to start off the relationship.
I wouldn't break up with him, but I'd definitely talk to him about it and make sure honesty is expected going forward. I'd also be on your guard and observe very carefully how honest he is with you going forward.
Well it's up to you if to stay or leave based on him lying. The age thing is a weird thing to be concerned about though since it's more common the older people get to have a bigger age gap but when they are younger people says it's an issue. From that aspect I don't get it much but I will say when your younger and that happens, you both are at very different mind sets in your life. Your still going through things that is still shaping who you are, he's already gone through that. Other than that, I say it is what it is
I really don't get what it is with you girls. You get disrespected, and LIED to by a guy. And what is the most important question you want answered?
Not, should I dump him?
Not, how do I go about setting some boundaries with him?
Not, how do I improve my dignity and self respect so I can avoid fuckhead like this?
NONE OF THAT
Instead "is that weird of him that he wants to be with me?" I think you are possibly focusing on the wrong thing here. I mean wtf...
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Im dating a younger woman. I didn't start out with the intention of dating her because im a lot older than her... she's 27 and I'm 49... I know... its a 22 year difference... we would just hang out together with friends. We got along so well all the time, we laugh till we cry. We ended up getting together because we are great together. she just the best thing thats ever happened to me. I wouldn't worry to much about the age difference... I would be more worried that he lied to you about it...
Ugh, no. He probably wants some woman who's young and easy to control. I have several red flags up about him lying about his age, so he was already trying to decieve you.
What else has he been lying about?
Not hugely strange but dump him for lying.
if he can’t be truthful over it, then should let him know
No, but it's also not normal to lie about your age.
And if he lied about his age, what else could he be lying about?
Lying about one's age is never ever acceptable.. That's the most troubling part of this.
some people may judge , but dont worry , they would be most likely target the guy , not you , because he is the one who older
Definitely. I always feel really gross when older men try to talk to me or pursue me. Some serious issues at hand with any man or woman who wants someone young enough to be their child.
It’s a large gap, but not undoable... personally I think 10 years apart is ideal, man 10 years older
Nope its normal I'm dating a cute 21 year old too
is not weird.
Nope
Very
Nope
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