Can a major rejection affect you for years?

[RonsH]

I go on dates but don't make them my girlfriend. I tell them on the first date or so that I'm not looking for anything serious. I don't care about love nor commitment nor believe in it.

Whenever my close friends joke about when I'm going to settle down and have kids, my reply is an ''They day you all go to the moon on a space shuttle''.

Even though I appear as hardened and anti-commitment to everyone, I wonder if this has something to do with the past even though I rarely think about it by now. I was 22 years old at the time. My then long time girlfriend since my HS years (we met when we were 16) rejected me. She wasn't sure if she saw herself growing old with me, needed more time and gave out more excuses. We've been together for 6 years and she still wasn't sure. I stupidly thought she was the one. I've offered her the highest level of commitment (was willing to risk it all) and she rejected it, rejected me as whole. Truth be told, if she had said yes then I would've already been a father.

Is this true.. that a major rejection can affect you even years later and change you, change your views, your personality etc?

Updates

+1 y

I've never experienced the ''falling in love'' emotion ever since. I've never loved another girl since. I'm just not able to. It's like my brain shut down completely and I couldn't feel that emotion since.

[SueShe]

That would be a good question for a psychoanalyst or psychotherapist.

My personal opinion is that an emotional rejection could in a way impact on how how perceive the entire situation if you are placed in the same context again.

Also, you seem to be very negative about relationships, which is fine as long as you don't make others suffer the trauma you have gone through yourself as you were rejected.

Based on your statement, it seems that this rejection has affected you deeper than you want to admit and the fact that you need confirmation leads me to believe that you already knew the answer.

[RonsH]

When it happened, I couldn't understand why she needed more time, how could a woman say No to her long-term boyfriend's proposal, what did I fail in, was I not good enough, why did she waste my time, etc. My mind went in circles. I was so confused. This might sound silly but in my private moment (when I was alone), I ended up crying; the only time I ever cried for a girl. It felt like the highest rejection ever, the ultimate rejection.

I don't lead girls on. I tell them from the start I'm not looking for anything serious. I guess I never recovered from it.

[SueShe]

I guess that this incident left a much deeper scar than you would have thought.

While I cannot judge the circumstances, I would recommend you seek the assistance of a professional because living with such a deep wound in your soul will only make you more and more bitter, the older you get.

Rejection is part of life and part of any attempt to find a suitable partner.

[Flower_Power]

Of course a rejection can affect you for a while. It's hard to move on sometimes, but never impossible. You need to find a new place to put your heart. Something that will take up time. You also need to realise she probably wasn't all that. This is way easier said than done. You need to take baby steps.

Do you look at social media accounts of hers? Stop doing that. You need to give yourself some space from thinking about her. Take care of yourself. Don't punish yourself!

[RonsH]

I've stopped looking at her profile when I found out she had updated it to engaged. I must admit that was hurtful, she said no to me but said yes to someone else 2 years later. I stopped looking since and blocked her.
I tell girls I'm not looking for anything serious because I don't want to waste anyone's time. I won't do what she did to me. I understand how frustrating and crappy it must feel for the girls that are gfs for the longest, there is a break-up and the guy ends up marrying someone else. When she declined and then later on got engaged to someone else, I felt that she never loved me.

[Flower_Power]

i’m so sorry ❤️

[Iron_Man]

You’re meeting the wrong girl start over fresh don’t take the date so seriously go with the flow and see what happens

[iJokeTeeth]

Yeah if you have very little self confidence

[RonsH]

I think some rejections can run down deep that our brain shuts down and our stances and views change.

[In_Trance]

Only if you let it

[flirtatiousgirl]

Of course yes

[RonsH]

I think I never fully recover from it.