What would you do? How would you feel?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been married for two years and my spouse has never called me beautiful or anything. He says he sucks at communication but when i ask him what he likes about me… all he says is that he thinks i look nice with my hair straight… it has now completely killed my self esteem/confidence and i have become mentally ill. I want a divorce but he writes it off because I’m just “having a bad day”. where do i go from here?

[virtue2332]

It's never easy to feel like you feel and I'm sorry you are having a difficult time in your relationship. People show love and receive love in different ways. If he isn't comfortable telling you the things you want or need to hear it's not going to change without effort and some professional help. One thing I would suggest though is at times we have to look beyond words and find out what his actions or gestures or words mean the same or could be translated to convey the same emotion. An example would be something he does now or that he is comfortable with. Like a kiss on the forehead as his way of saying I love you. Or the extra squeeze when you hug his way of saying how beautiful you are to him. He may not know how to show you love in ways that you think are normal and it may not be his fault but these things that you feel are natural and easy to do are taught to us from the relationships that we are exposed to. Relationships take work and it's easy to get caught up with what's not working without considering why you got together and what is good. The other thing is be carefull of the people that bring around the relationship. If vent to a friend and they jump on that negative band wagon and cannot offer any pros to the cons they are not who you should be talking to. Don't compare your relationship to the face book public displays of love that are oversold

[daster4442]

maybe he's not good with emotions or interaction

[Asker]

If your partner cried all the time though wouldn’t you want to try to help her? He wants to talk to a councilor but he can’t even talk to me.

[daster4442]

i never had this issue tbh because i make sure i interact with my girl and emotionaly support her and talk to her so she dont feel bad

[Asker]

It’s not even so much looks. He doesn’t ever lovingly touch me or anything. It’s like I’m married to a wall. I’ve never been with someone who i just don’t feel loves me like i love him.

[daster4442]

hmm thats a difficult situation to be in tbh.. im sorry for you

[daster4442]

What has made you love him?

[Asker]

His smile, laugh, and awkwardness. Just so much. I’m a domestic abuse survivor though and every time i tell him i need these things he just says things like “you act like I’m a monster like your ex, at least i don’t physically harm you” so when he says that all i hear is just “well I’m not as bad as the last one so deal with it and quit complaining”

[daster4442]

i think you fell in love with him for the wrong reasons. you deserve to have your needs fulfilled such as emotional sexual financial

[Asker]

I think you might be right…

[daster4442]

Your welcome

[IMuser]

Stop obsessing over looks and focus on something else? As an experiment, try being deliberately ugly (like not combing your hair etc) and see how he responds.

If he lets you know that you are not looking good (or anything which can show concern), then he values you... If he does not react to that, he is probably indifferent to you

[TheMajesticKing777]

I have social anxiety and I can still compliment a girl, he has no excuse

[spartan55]

And of course you didn't know any of this before you got married?

[Asker]

He was not like this before. That’s kinda why i feel the way i do.

[KrakenAttackin]

So get divorced. Odds are your husband is miserable as well. You can go back to the carousel and your husband can reclaim his sanity.

[ImNoOne111]

Thats way too cruel of him. Surely fix this shit, you can't continue like that

[Waldoe]

have an affair... fill you Love tank, he won't care

[QuietRunner]

if the emotion of love isn't there then maybe it is time to go

[In_Trance]

So are you proceeding with the divorce?

[Asker]

He won’t mutually consent so after holiday I’m gonna have to contact a lawyer.

[In_Trance]

Good luck

[Nahid1707]

Have you tried talking to him a little bit?