How did you know you were in an abusive relationship? How did you leave?

Question

WhatTheHeckkkk · Accepted Answer

Didn’t realize I was in an abusive relationship until we broke up for the last time. No one taught me or told me what was considered emotional abuse or verbal abuse, etc. All I knew was, “if they are physical with you, that’s abuse.” Even then, I was so emotionally abused that I thought a shove or a slap was deserved. Yep... During the entire relationship, I didn't even think to label it as abusive, because I didn't know, I thought it was normal.

I got broken up 2 times prior, I went back to him those 2 times because I thought it was me to blame for the breakups because he blamed it on me. I believed that it was me because he constantly nitpicked every little thing about me that he did not like, and I never once thought it was him to blame. When you hear these things constantly, you eventually believe them, especially if it's from someone you love.

The 2nd time we broke up, I said to myself, my mom, and my friends that I will not get back together with him if he breaks up with me again. I told him that too... Lo and behold, months later, I was to blame for something. I eventually just accepted the breakup. I mean, I was hurt because I loved him. He was the first person that I genuinely loved, not just infatuated with. So, the breakups destroyed me every time, but I loved him and wanted to change for him, despite not even needing change. Everyone around me knew how much I loved this man... before he changed into an abusive monster.

The last time we broke up, I just moved on. I decided to ignore his number, etc. I didn't text him, I didn't beg, I didn't look at his social media. I didn't contact him at all. He noticed that was off, and contacted me after a while. He knew that I usually chased him. The cycle of abuse. The cycle of abuse is something to look for, and educate yourself on. In the beginning, things are like the honeymoon phase, then the tension builds, the abuse happens, then reconciliation, then the honeymoon phase again... Cycle repeats...

I realized I was in an abusive relationship when it ended for the last time. His actions after realizing I was done being his victim, proved even more that he was abusive. I left and didn't give him another chance like I used to. I moved on with my life months later, I found an amazing boyfriend and was doing great. He came along, found out I started dating someone else, and started harassing, stalking, and emotionally and verbally abusing me, and harassed and stalked my boyfriend. If that ain't abusive, I don't know what else to call it.

Juicyj76 · Accepted Answer

One too many punches in the face and me left alone crying while my 3 beautiful toddlers slept. I knew I had to leave him the love was gone. I was a shadow of my former self and I wouldn't even dress nice. As I was afraid of being beaten for it. Just I was lost beyond repair and I was wanting reassurance that I was not deserving of this treatment.
Only I did a wrong thing but I was young and I had been living a life of being scared and controlled. Then someone I had got to know and always chatted to me. As my partner would get me running back and fo to the betting shop. if I didn't he would get into a mood. so this guy ended up asking me out and I said I was with someone. Just once I told him my story. He was so upset and he was so lovely to me. It went on for months. I did tell my then partner that I didn't want to go there any more. I told him about the guy and he laughed and said they are making fun of you obviously having a bet. So I did end up leaving him and nothing came between me and the guy. Even though I liked him so much but my baggage was too much I think. But it made me feel. attractive and deserving of better love.
I felt guilty because my partner would stalk me and climb through windows. He would be waiting for me knowing when I would be alone.
It was soul. destroying and I felt guilt for me leaving because I thought I would love again. Just he bullied me for ages and I was worn down. I even tried with him again. only to realise he didn't even want me. It was all. to do with control.
Its hard to leave and the longer you stay the harder it gets. Don't accept it though its not right

ImNoOne111 · Accepted Answer

Sadly, I was the abuser. Before all your comments judge me. It was unintentional. I didn't mean to abuse her feelings, it just happened automatically. The how I left was I took a break from her, re-read all my chats and things I have told her and realized what exactly was wrong with me. I was stonewalling and gaslighting her on a daily basis (nothing to be proud of, really) Then I asked her to leave me as I technically wasn't able to control myself from doing those again

libsaretards · Accepted Answer

When my best friend intervened. He is not the type to say something. He believes it is better for people to figure things out on their own and learn from them but he will be there as moral support when things finally hit the fan. When he attempts to intervene in a situation, it means something drastic is going on. So when he started questioning my relationship with her, I started paying more attention and caught many of her mind games.

Random18x · Answer

I was in a really bad mental/emotional abusive relationship with 2 different men from the ages of 13(he was 15) & 15(he was 19). I realized I was in a mentally/emotionally abusive relationship when comments such as “I purposely hurt you bc you were to perfect” or him (15) calling me faking as if he was shooting him self or harming himself was a constant routine of our relationship. When I finally got out of both of them it took almost a year of healing each to be able to somewhat move on. I did my own therapy with meditation and what not to try and somewhat heal. Just takes a lot of wanting more for myself & selfworth/love going sky high & never settling to be treated that poorly again (now I’m 18 in a healthy relationship more mentally stable).

Anonymous · Answer

A cycle of constant self hate caused by the other person. Always trying to fix yourself when you don't need fixing. I left but that nutcase came back to destroy my life.

michael1469 · Answer

When i paid all the bills AND raised her son as mine... i lost my job in 2009... i asked her to bring home 400 a MONTH to cover the short... she refused... i walked out the next day.

How did you know you were in an abusive relationship? How did you leave?

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How did you realize that you were in a toxic or mentally abusive relationship?

How did you know you were in an abusive relationship? How did you leave?

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How did you realize that you were in a toxic or mentally abusive relationship?

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