Guys, I love my boyfriend but I wish he was more affectionate. How else do I address this?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is a decent boyfriend. He’s def not the type who expresses anything though.. he never says anything that makes me feel special or loved. I’ve told him this before and he got upset because he has CPTSD and telling him that I wish he would be more affectionate by cuddling me more (or just expressing his love in any form of affection) apparently triggered his emotions because me saying that made him feel sad and then he said he can’t help it? I had to apologize just for bringing that up because he just seemed so hurt and distant by me expressing that which makes no sense to me because if your girlfriend is telling you something like that then I don’t see the issue in making the effort to try and make her feel more loved in those ways that she tells me she wants to be loved. Last night he asked me if we could switch spots on the bed cuz I was in the spot he likes to sleep in (although the spot he likes to sleep in isn’t the spot he likes to relax in) so he asked to switch and all I said was “if we switch will you cuddle me?” and he just literally didn’t say anything at all then pretty much repositioned himself where he was & passed out. It made me sad because what’s so hard about doing that? It’s upsetting because I’m always the one comforting him by massaging his back or his feet or rubbing my hand on his shoulder in a nurturing fashion. I express the love that I wish to have by the love that I give but he just never seems to mimic that. I know that everyone loves differently and I can’t expect him to be any certain way but holy fuck man, we’ve been together for over a year now and I just don’t understand why he doesn’t think enough to comfort but if I tell him it feels like he doesn’t care because of his lack of affection he just gets upset? I don’t know how to make myself any clearer.

[caring__1]

Never choose a partner based on what you believe is his potential. If you don't like what you see, you'll just end up frustrated and disappointed if you expect him to change. This is who he is or chooses to be. Any change a person does due to pressure from another tends to be temporary and/or conditional. Either learn to appreciate him as he is or leave him and find another partner. The more pressure he feels from you to change, or the more negative judgements he receives from you, the more his desire and motivation to be affectionate will dissipate.

[Asker]

True, you’re right. Thank you❤️

[caring__1]

You're welcome. We all want to feel accepted and appreciated as we already are.

[caring__1]

If you want to experiment, you can get a pet. Sometimes, people find it easier to be affectionate with pets. Once they see the value in that, it may be possible for them to transfer that experience to humans. Just be patient, subtly appreciative of whatever affection you do get and make the most of what does exist.

[Asker]

I have 2 kittens at home and I see the value in it lol I’m just stubborn and want affection from one person

[caring__1]

I wasn't suggesting you get your affection from your kittens. I was suggesting seeing if he attaches to the kittens and learns the value of affection. Play with him and the kittens together and see what happens.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You might love him, but he doesn't love you.
Any guy who actually loved you would be clamoring to give you affection.
PTSD from being asked to cuddle? What kind of bullshit is that?
More importantly, if the very idea of being affectionate with you causes him distress, thats about as big of a red flag as you can get in a relationship.

[Asker]

To Clarify: his complex form of PTSD (cptsd) just means there’s no one specific event that causes his ptsd it’s more so from a bunch of recurring events overtime whilst growing up, it’s oddly different from general PTSD.
Aside from that it just feel like he doesn’t even know what it means to love. He’s had 4 ex girlfriends before me and only one of them lasted a year. She left him because he couldn’t move in with her cuz he was in high school at the time and she was 24. I don’t want to leave him because I don’t want to be single but I also don’t want to start dating again because that was extremely annoying to go through :/

[TheSpaceGnome]

You are staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons.

Dude dosn't love you, and based on what you just said, you are only staying because you're scared of not being able to find someone else, so you don't love him either.

Just end it and find someone you actually get along with, someone who shares your hobbies, your interests, delights in your company, and can't keep their hands off of you in bed.

The longer you wait the worse off both of you will be, and the longer it will take for either of you to find a real match.

[Asker]

Yeaaaa I’ll probably just put up w/ this because I’m not tryna date again that was a veryvery annoying 5 years. I’m not tryna be single again either because that was “fun” but got depressing real fast.
I like what I have w/ him because we do get along, we laugh a lot together, I get along w/ his siblings and I enjoy what we do together. *sigh* I don't know I’ll just keep @ it because I’m not tryna quit just yet, thanks anyway

[TheSpaceGnome]

Thats nuts, but you do you.

[TenkRealist]

And then there is me, dumped because I'm too cuddly and affectionate. Dude like freaking choose someone who is like that.

[Asker]

when I was single I tried to find those cuddly/affectionate guys and usually those kinds of guys were unstable in other areas of their personality which made it hard for me to embrace their cuddly/affection w/ reciprocation.
(Not saying you’re unstable, I’m just saying It was weird how the affectionate guys I had found were like that.)

[TenkRealist]

Nah, you're right. I am unstable when it comes to sensitivity. I don't mean I go around whining or crying over everything. But I found myself being more sensitive to things people say over the generic dude. But yeah, whatever.

[Asker]

Aw❤️ I understand what you mean

[TenkRealist]

No you don't. But it's cool. We're strangers anyway 😅
But thanks for interacting. Hope you your boyfriend gets better or you get a better one soon :)

[TheMajesticKing777]

You can't make yourself any clearer, you know what they say, you can't change someone that doesn't want to change

[Anonymous]

I assume he was the one who asked you out

[Asker]

Lol nope

[Asker]

It was all me

[Opinion Owner]

Interesting that's the last thing you'd expect a girl to do