How do I make my boyfriend more affectionate and romantic towards me?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and half. I love him to bits and I’m sure he does too. My boyfriends the type of person who’s not big on social media he hardly posts pictures etc. I just find that sometimes his not as affectionate/romantic towards me maybe it’s just his character. He hardly ever plans cute dates together like going restaurants, surprises me flowers or take the initiative to do things. It was our first anniversary and we didn’t even celebrate apart from just say happy anniversary. Even before it was valentines he said he really disagrees with the idea of Valentine’s Day. He says we shouldn’t celebrate one day to be all lovey etc everyone should still be all lovey everyday. Since he knows I like that sort of stuff he still did buy me roses. We hardly take photos together, it’s usually my initiation. I did confront him about this & he said his not the type to take pictures in general he says when his with me his having way too much fun to take his phone out and take pics. When he does it feels forced because I mentioned it. My birthdays coming up soon, he makes a comment what do you want me for your birthday. Rather than asking me why doesn’t he think outside the box, pay attention to what I talk about sometimes. He can easily get anything and I’ll be happy it’s the thoughts that counts. I can’t really explain it, it’s just nice to see someone care about you spoiling you, planning cute dates, surprising you.

Is this normal for guys to act this way? How can I make him more affectionate and romantic? I always go all out for his birthday or whether it’s Christmas?

It’s just upsetting my sisters, cousins and friends relationship their significant other is so affectionate towards them. So loved ur both of them posting pictures plans posts about each other. The boys going all out for girlfriends. Makes me feel like shit, am I over exaggerating everything? He does treat me well and loves me, he just doesn’t do all the above.

Tumeric_ginger123 · Accepted Answer

Men have an extremely different love language than women and commonly show their affection based on how they were influenced or even raised. My current partner and I have been together for a total of 5 years and in between that time we took a two-year split and saw other people, due to actually the same issue you are currently having he does not show affection in large doses nor romantically I felt constantly neglected due to the lack of attention and affection.

In between that split I met somebody else who was the complete opposite I quite literally felt like I was living in a romantic movie all the time he took pictures of me and of where we were posted them on Facebook, he was constantly affectionate always had his arm around me kiss me in public. It was quite a drastic difference and it took quite a bit of time for me to feel comfortable having somebody offering so much to me.

When me and my partner considered working things out we agreed to have help this time around, I had finally experienced everything I wanted in a relationship yet I knew he could not offer it in such quantity. And like most situations the resentment started building can cause issues. We sat down with a few third person parties and what I found in the long run was the difference between the two that's how they were raised let alone who was their major influence, let alone how I feel in a relationship have a lot to do with how my life has gone as well and that should always be taken into consideration.

My current partner raise himself from the age of 14 and up, his siblings and him were never close, his mom was never a steady individual in his life and for a lot Of time at a young age she was also not a great influence, he never met his dad and unfortunately he grew up in a family full of drugs and struggled with it himself for quite a long time and even was homeless. He and he alone built himself up to be where he is in his life now 27 bought his own house , he is the lead of his Union at work , and paid his way through school working long hours nothing has ever been giving to him.

The partner that I had previous has a completely different Homelife. His mom and dad are still together and married and they supported all three of their children and live together, even the oldest with kids moved only 2 minutes away. They do everything as a family and are even close needed with distant relatives. In fact the reason we didn't work out was because of this , the relationship never felt like the 2 of us , it was like dating a whole family.

You should consider these aspects let alone consider how are you yourself have been raised. You should also consider what's going on in his life right now unlike women when we are struggling with emotionally rely on others to help us feel better. Very rarely do men follow that way of reliance. Not everything is black and white and though he is making changes to benefit our relationship it takes time and patience. Sometimes just teaching yourself this new form of patience takes time in itself and he also needs to understand that you need time 'deal' with this unwanted behavior until he's ready to make those changes.

ryoru · Accepted Answer

Communicate your intention, wants and preference directly. Guys don't pick up hints, they pick up random information that your eyes light up when you talk about it in passing. Guys don't like mind games and cold shoulder treatments either. Boyfriend's had been in relationships in the past... He says it's refreshing and unique being with me 'cos I communicate and don't hint/assume.

When both of you are having a fun time, most likely he is too busy staring at you and thinking 'why didn't I meet her earlier' or ' I wanna smoother her in kisses but gotta hold it in to not ruin the moment' to snap a photo.

Since he isn't the type to randomly take photos or initiate selfies, add it to his to-do list for the day... before you meet up for that day, Text/call him and say you want to take a selfie together that day or you want him to take random pictures of you when you are not looking. Then graciously thank him for taking a good shot. Repeat a few times until it becomes a pattern and hardwired into him.

MannMitAntworten · Accepted Answer

His behavior is more on the normal side for men. Especially if affection was a foreign thing for thing for him growing up. It definitely was for me and largely nearly all my girlfriends were not affectionate either or it tended to be insisted upon and one sided. It wasn’t till my last girlfriend when I had a paradigm shift in my showing of affection which was entirely because how she was towards me. Simply put, she showed me affection. Nearly 46 years and affection received had been nearly entirely foreign to me till her. It had me wanting to return affection and I did. Still, it didn’t gush from me. I recall talking about seeing affection and how some women would dote over their men. That this was completely foreign to me which she thought was odd especially considering my exposure to women. That she would come up from behind me with her hand to my back in a rubbing motion and a smile asking, “how are you Baby?” had caught me complete off guard really began it illustrate just how much of a clean slate I am. Small gestures and affection are foreign to me in spite of having been with women. Women to me till her were not affectionate themself. Some like being shown affection but one-sidedness sucks.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I’m going to say yes for him it’s probably “normal.” I’m pretty much the same way. I did not grow up like this, my stepfather wasn’t like that toward my mom so that’s probably where I learned it from. To me caring for my girl is by working, paying the bills, etc. For you as women this tends to come more natural cause when you’re growing up you’re allowed to express your emotions, for us as men most of us were laughed at for crying. As for why he ask you what you want for your birthday, my logic is that if he’s asking it’s because he cares enough to get you exactly what you want rather then getting you a gift you don’t want. You can try talking to him about his lack of “affection” but chances are he will co to us to be like that. Through your eyes he isn’t affectionate, in his mind what he does or says is.

sagevalentineee · Answer

Firstly I think some people just aren't into that sort of stuff.

However, you can still try. I would recommend you being more affectionate and romantic towards him. Appreciate him and be affectionate... not online too his face. And he will surely notice and see he needs to give you some attention too. If not, honestly talk about it. Say you want to spend more time together, etc.

Honestly maybe he's not very assertive, or not very secure in the relationship... I don't want to make you worry, I'm just suggesting it. From my experience... when a guy is thriving in that relationship, he really does give it his all. Perhaps he is having struggles in other areas of his life that detract from his energy for the relationship.

Oceanlust · Answer

You can't and shouldn't change him. He has his views and opinions, you have yours. His lack of participation is nothing personal, it is just who he is.
We create our reality. If you want to feel romance, create romance. Be the one who sets the cute dates and fondu fun. Be the one who takes the romantic lead and pictures. There is nothing wrong with a woman being the romantic one. And yes there are guys who are romantic and shower you with gifts and so on, nothing says these guys will love you more than the guys who don't do those things.
If he is a great guy and you love what you have with him, focus on what he does do that makes you feel great and stop focusing on what he doesn't do.
Your need for him to be the picture taker, Valentine, or romantic person is more about you than him. If you need that in order to feel romantic towards him or good inside then you either need to create it for you guys or you should find someone who is more like that...

Nuespeed · Answer

No not all guys are like that at all. Me personally, I can relate to not being big on posting pictures on social media or using it. But the rest of it sounds like he is a bit of a stick in the mud and not just having fun. As to what you could do that is a tough one. Maybe he is having difficulty opening up maybe try doing something together that is really fun I don't know

SphynxUK · Answer

Stop comparing him to everyone else. He’s not the romantic type. Deal with it!
If you want a gift, tell him what you want. Be upfront. Don’t hint. He won’t get it it.
There’s no shame is asking for what you want, and it’s the only way when someone isn’t forthcoming with showy affection.

Anonymous · Answer

I bought the woman I love a 400+ dollar earrings that's 1ct diamonds in 10k gold and a diamond heart 1ct necklace in 14k gold that's 500+ dollars for her birthday and all I got was a don't mention it to anybody. and I got a plane ticket to see her for her birthday and all she talks about is the corona virus. I didn't even get so much as a thank you from her. How do you think that makes me feel? Last year I got her a piece of an asteroid and told her if I could give her the moon I would but this was as close as I could get. and the year before that I named a star after her. And I didn't even so much get a thank you for that either. So how do you think I feel? She doesn't even tell me she loves me anymore.

Kimgary · Answer

Since you know that is the kind of person he is, i believe it’ll be better to just understand the kinda person he is and not try to change him. Remember he’s been like that forever , it’ll be hard to change

spartan55 · Answer

Wow, you chose him, and now you want to change him... what a big surprise... He probably wishes you wouldn't nag him, but that won't change either...

KaylaJoy · Answer

Have you ever heard of the 5 love languages? Maybe you should look into it. You might be surprised to find that he expresses his love to you in different ways than you are necessarily looking for

Jess1812 · Answer

Some guys are like this. Talk to him, love language is important in relationships. He needs to speak yours.

Unit1 · Answer

Facepalm

Anonymous · Answer

If you want those things make them them known and if he can't give you those things. Find someone who can, a lot of dish in the sea and you're already starting at an advantage being female... 😅

reptocarl2 · Answer

You can’t and it won’t ever change so you have a decision

Anonymous · Answer

cool the guy is probably thinking "how do i make my girlfriend give more sex towards me."

briantracher1 · Answer

Love is more than words, gifts and Valentine's Day, love him as he is.

jimmy2 · Answer

Show him your love and cuddle him he will be more shaper.

sensible27 · Answer

Treat how you wanna be treated I guess...

Desconhecida · Answer

Have you tried to be honest with him?

wendy90 · Answer

By looking sexy to him

PhxLover · Answer

How often do you nag him?

HATR3D · Answer

You can't it has to be his choice

remi96 · Answer

He’s got have or doesn’t.

asshole_ · Answer

You can't

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