It’s been approximately 3 months, is it valid for me to still be hurt over this?

[Anonymous]

The fact is, I walked in on my girlfriend all over our best friend who I was messing around with first. No conversation with me, no consent. Just to find out she’s been sucking all on this man’s neck when we are all drunk, no wonder he always wanted to be in the middle and mostly would turn to face and cuddle her. Everything makes so much sense. For me, that is a core memory and I feel anyone else would have cut both of them off for that shit. That was not okay and I feel like I was gaslight into believing it wasn’t a big deal and “it just happened” is it valid for me to still be hurt over this?

Updates

+1 y

By the way, my girlfriend and I are poly and she knew I was messing around with him and was okay with it because I told her about it.

[PrettyPriya]

It sounds as if this is a case of her doing something behind your back that you had given the courtesy of letting her know that you were intimate with this friend.

I think it would only be right she should return that courtesy. Of course, she didn't. That is a valid reason to be upset if there are boundaries in your relationship that she has crossed. The 3 months is not important. People get over things at different speeds.

You are justified to be hurt. Best to sit down and try to talk out those feelings to prevent this from happening in the future.

[Asker]

Thank you. I definitely do feel I need to get it out. I just wish I knew how to verbalize to them how it actually really affected me. The fact that it really really hurt.

[PrettyPriya]

That is the tough part. Maybe take some time alone and either write down or just think about how you would go about saying how you feel. Don't go into it until you are comfortable and at peace with how you feel.

When I say "at peace", I don't mean the situation. Just that you understand your feelings and can communicate them.

[Asker]

Thank you so much. This is definitely advice I’m taking. I definitely want to be more secure in myself and my own feelings because I really express the way this made me feel and have it all together. I really appreciate you for responding.

[PrettyPriya]

You are most welcome and my pleasure. Best of luck to you both and keep a positive attitude that you can get this resolved and move on happily.

[Secret6620]

I think you are definitely entitled to your feelings. It makes sense why you would still be hurting.

Healing is a slow process.

[Asker]

Thank you. I appreciate it. I do feel like it’s definitely something I’m gonna need more time to recover from.

[Secret6620]

Yes, please be gentle with your self.

Healing takes time.

[Secret6620]

Yay! Thank you for most helpful girl!

[Fireguy17]

It can take awhile.
Keep yourself busy, get involved with friends, being with others not sitting alone.
You may need to force yourself at first but it will really help you get over it.
Been there twice.
I handled the second one much better than the first one.
Got over it much faster than the first one.

[Guy13]

I have no pity for you as you are freely choosing to not do what is good. You are simply violating the laws of God and this is a form of judgment. Seek God in prayer.

[Asker]

Lmfao I do not believe in your god💀💀💀

[Avicenna]

Well, of course, but anyone would wonder why you've stuck around

[Asker]

I've been friends with these people for nearly a decade and this was the first time they have EVER done anything like that. On top of that, like I said, I was kinda made to feel it wasn’t a big deal

[Avicenna]

They betrayed you. Are you going to let it happen again?

[Asker]

Maybe. Maybe not. We will see how much growth I achieve and security in myself and my identity. Only time will tell. My goal though, is not to let that happen again.

[boggboss]

What do u mean u was messing around with him?

[Asker]

We were intimate. Making out, cuddles. Cute stuff like that

[boggboss]

So she was doing ehat u was doing so whats the issue

[Asker]

Well the difference is, I informed her I was messing around with him. She didn’t let me know, I just kind of found out and that’s breaking a boundary we discussed in our open/ poly relationship.

[Asker]

Hence why I said “I walked in on it” meaning I didn’t know prior

[boggboss]

Oh fair enough if u feel this way now clearly it was a big issue for u then and u need to address it and stamd up for yourself as from what your saying she cheated and if she did clearly she could be or will do it again as its not a big deal

[Asker]

You’re right. I’m in the process on working on how to express those feelings constructively

[boggboss]

Good to hear

[Anonymous]

Polyamory is a joke.