look I’m not suicidal or something but I feel like such shit I act all day like I’m confident and doesn’t help at all people always tell me I seem so put together but I can’t do anything right. There are very few things I’m special at but what’s the point when they’re are brown girls at my school who look just like me but prettier with better social lives, same hobbies but better, and smarter. Guys don’t want me at all, honestly I’m jealous of girls because of how shit I feel in comparison to them. I DONT GET HOW I GO FROM FEELING SO CONFIDENTA BD CONTENT TO FEELING LIKE SUCH SHIT I HATE IT I HATE IT GOD IM WANNA CRY I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING WRONG I’ve faked it till I made it so hard and guess what im still anxious and fucking up 27/7 I get opportunities just to screw then up completely. I’m so anxious I can’t socialize or even bring myself to start conversations with guys. I go to therapy and I try and I try and the facade cracks every single time I don’t know how to get confident I don’t know why everyone else gets to know what to do so easily did I miss a rule book or something. I’m so scared of ridicule I don’t even think I can formulate opinions of my self on my own. I feel so alone and unloveable and fked up why can’t I do shit normally. Why do I try so hard for nothing to ever change why don’t I get lucky why do I always have to be the one to embarrass myself.
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