Will my (21F) ex (27M) come back?

[Anonymous]

My ex and I had a messy fight a few weeks ago and he hasn't been the same since. Before I knew I made him happy, he has told me several times that he has never loved someone as much as he loves me. But he told me something changed after that fight. It has been on off for just under three weeks until a few days ago when he told me to move out. He told me he needs space and maybe we can try again when he's back. He's going to Spain next week and will be gone for two weeks. I made the mistake of not giving him space because I wanted to talk, I hadn't had a chance to explain how I felt. I showed up and he was so happy to see me. He showed me how he's been Journaling about me, how he went down to a print shop to print a picture of me from the beginning of our relationship when things were good to keep with him at all times, all the things he said and did pointed towards him missing me, wanting to get back together and fix things. I moved my things back in. Then, out of the blue, he feels depressed. He said it was too soon, then he said he doesn't want this at all. He said he's just been trying to convince himself that we can go back to normal even though he knows we can't. This confused me because in the last two weeks he had told me that he's so proud of being seen with me, that he wants to move overseas with me, that I'm the only person who understands him, he has been telling me that he loves me a lot more than usual. Now I don't know what's true, the person he is when he's happy is so different from the person he is when he's resentful. I begged and pleaded, it wasn't a good look and I don't know if I ruined my chances. I need a second opinion please, do you think he'll come back? Do you think he still loves me? If he doesn't, why has he said all these things?

Yes

Maybe

No

[caring__1]

It's not uncommon when we're frightened to act impulsively, and not generally in our best interest. The trust has been shattered, and he's not sure if he can trust that he will be a priority and feel safe in this relationship. If we want people to reconsider, it tends to be helpful to identify what we did that was dysfunctional and what made it so. Also share how the results of your choices have impacted you and what you plan on doing differently if you encounter a similar situation.

Picture this. You go to the beach and grab a handful of sand. The sand starts flowing out from between your fingers. You squeeze tighter. The sand comes out faster. Don't smother a relationship out of fear of losing it.

Once the trust has been shattered, you'll never get blind trust back. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, as it leads us to stay observant and, hopefully, address things when they are still small. No one can say whether he'll return to you, but, if you write him a letter, explaining the specifics of your behaviors you regret doing and what you've learned from the experience, there is possible hope.

[nachosaresexy]

He sounds confused/conflicted. I think he definitely needs space along with adequate amount of time to sort through his own internal feelings and sort of hit the reset button and hopefully get a fresh perspective on everything.

From what you described, I think it's clear he still has strong feelings for you but until he can process all the other "noise" it's creating too much pressure or stress or whatever he's feeling.

I know it's tough but you need to give him that space. Maybe just let him know that although you want to be there and talking with him and supporting him directly, you understand that it's important for him to have space and let him know you won't contact him until he's ready. I think it's worth it for you to take that leap of faith.