Men, what age do you think of settling down and starting a family?

Question

Curious 😇 I don't know is valid

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well, believe it or not, I would have like to have been a father when I was 16. Don't get me wrong, I know what the data shows about teen parents and their kids. That is also why I have such huge respect for those teen fathers who stay with their child and, if possible, the mother of their child. These are good, fine upstanding young men and if my own sons ever find themselves in that situation, I hope that they act with as much integrity, even though the road will likely be a hard one.

That said, my high school girlfriend and I had a pregnancy scare when I was 16. There is no doubt, it caught be by surprised and I was not carefree about it. However, here's the funny part. I was psyched! I was going to be a dad and I knew I was young but I was ready.

Of course, when it turned out that it was a false alarm, there was a little sense of relief, to be sure. Still, I have to admit, I was disappointed. I was all set to hold my son or daughter in my arms and when I found out that it was not going to happen, there was a sense of letdown.

Still, I know in a way that I was ready and - again, at least for me - that would have been a fantastic age to become a dad. Since then, I have gotten four women pregnant. One had a miscarriage. The second had an abortion without telling me and I won't lie. I was 24 and when I found out what my ex had done, I sobbed. To this day I miss my little angel in heaven that I never got to know.

Of the other two women, I had one son with a one night stand whom I only learned about two years ago. Then there is my girlfriend of almost 11 years with whom I have had three children - two boys, both unplanned, and my little princess who was planned.

In the case of my son by a woman with whom I had a one night stand, she opted not to get in touch with me to tell me she was pregnant and raised our son on her own till about two years ago.

Then she decided, as our son was 12, that as he was becoming a teenager that he ought to know his father. So she tracked me down and a test confirmed it. It was a shock, no doubt. However, I am getting to know him and I love him as much as I love my other children. My only regret being that I missed so many years of his growing up. He is an amazing young man and although he does not live with us full time, he is as much a member of our family as my other three.

As to the three - two boys and my little princess - that I have had with my girlfriend, they (and she) are the center of my universe.

Our oldest - currently 9 - is a live wire. His life's motto seems to be - "Why walk around obstacles when you can just walk through them?" We are pretty sure that he was the first second grader ever to apply to join the Marine Corps and we are pretty sure he was on the team that took out bin Laden.

He is also ferociously protective of his younger brother and sister. When once his younger brother was crying, saying he was being picked on at school, older brother said, "Don't worry (name), I'll protect you." We were pretty sure he would, too - with a tank.

Younger brother is his older sibling's temperamental opposite. So much so that I've asked my girlfriend what the mailman was doing the week our second son was conceived. He is our little cuddler.

When I get home and the other two are flying around the house, he will climb into my lap, look at me very earnestly, and say, "Did you have a good day today, daddy? I was very busy today..." "Oh were you?," I reply, to be then regaled with the days doings at school. (He loves school and he loves his teacher.)

(CONT.)

Datboi65 · Accepted Answer

Most men would ideally want to settle down by late 20s/ early 30s. Depending on your occupation, that can take longer.

Ultimately, there are 3 things we think off before:

1) Securing a job (duh).
2) If we can afford to buy a house.
3) The 401k/savings.

Now, a lot of women dream about honeymoons, lavish weddings and expensive wedding rings, but that would mean a dude would have to work for at least 15 years to afford all of that. If a guy graduates college at 22 and let's say he immediately gets a job, realistically he would have to be at least 37 to afford all of the madness that is pushed on him today by society, if we also account for his student loans and inflation.

This is why I say delayed gratification is important. Ladies listen: you want a man who is frugal, not someone who will drop 500 bucks on a dinner date and then spend the rest of the month being broke. Most men don't make that kind of money, and the guys that do will not commit to you, because everyone wants them. Frugality means saving when you are younger, so you can have more when you are older. Maybe you won't go to Hawaii for a vacation trip for the first 10 years of your marriage, but that retirement money will be enough for a lifetime.

Now for myself. I am planning to get married by 32 ~ 34. I chose to go into a very academically demanding field of studies, which means I have to stay focused for the next 12 years. If everything goes right, I will start looking when I'm already accomplished, and not before the end of the process. I don't do relationships in my 20s, because they are a waste of time. I have an idea of what I want to get done in the next 10 years, and I don't think a partner is a good fit for that if she will slow me down.

I hope that helps.

JustAnj · Accepted Answer

I wanted to start having kids at age 23 and he agreed, I actually unintentionally got pregnant at 23, my now husband and I were broken up at the time but we couldn't stay away from each other.

We married at 23 he wanted to wait but I didn't want to give birth before marriage because I wanted to know he was serious about me. He told me if I loved him he would marry me, not because I am pregnant, but because I loved him. I told him I never stopped loving you. Marriage was always on the table since 16 but I needed him to see that I loved him not having a big wedding, he was really hung up about giving me everything when he was my everything. We got married it was small intamate and beautiful wedding. I was grateful we did he really wanted his father present. He himself admitted he loved the small wedding. Six months after our wedding his father passed.

Just a snip bit of my story.

I think people should settle down when they have emotionally gained tools that will allow them to grow in a marriage and partnership. I think people should not have kids until they have therapy to ensure they are ready mentally to be able to find that right person or to know they have the tools to offer a partner reliability and safety. This is one of the reasons churches want couples to attend counseling before marriage. To resolve issues and to insure both partners understand what marriage is.

This is equally important for having kids. You want to be the best influence for them. ❤️

So if your goal is 18 or 25 or whatever age, just do your future partner and your future kids a big favor and learn to be your best self and see a therapist to see where you might need improvement.

Wish you all the best. ❤️

lachimolalalala · Accepted Answer

It’s dependent on each person’s wants and needs at a specific time. I found myself changing the age I wanted to get married and have kids. When I was a kid, age 25 sounded good, but I’m approaching that age and I’m nowhere close to settling down lol.
That being said, I have a personal want to get married and have kids before my mid 30s. I wish to have kids one day and I have a fertility issue that may not be cured. The longer I wait the more complicated the process may take. That’s the main reason but my decision can change anytime tbh lol.
Ultimately, I always advise people to go through life on their own pace, there really is no one size fits all.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

There is not one age at which all guys start thinking abot finally growing getting married, having kids, etc. For many guys who go to college, it starts happening a few years after they graduate and start getting established in their field. Some guys never grow up. BUt if a guy EVER wants to have kids, he should be thinking about whether he wants to be 5 years old and still have a kid in high school!

Apple1996 · Answer

I'll answer for my husband. He wanted to settle down right away at 18/19 and that's what we did

HaveaGrtWeekend · Answer

Sometimes you can't know the change of winds in advance, you have to let the cookie crumble... LOL! Ideally I would have liked to settle down by the age of 23 - 25 years of age. Not through lack of trying, I got settled down & married at the age of 40, A year later was the birth of my eldest daughter. I would have wanted to have had 3 children but only had 2 children. I was older & couldn't hack having another child. If I had married in my early twenties, I would have welcomed a third child, plus I would have had a lot more energy when my kids hit their teenage years compared to now.
We can plan all we like, but at the end of the day, life flows. Sometimes in the direction we choose, & sometimes not.

I married my wife who is 8 years younger and she had our kids by the age of 35 years of age. It was a weight of her mind that was for sure! I think for a woman it is more critical. I know of a lady who never married, hit 35 years of age, & hit her like a ton of bricks falling on her; she was not married, had no kids, her biological clock was ticking away, & she is still in a flap about her predicament to this day. If I had my time all over again, I would relax, have more of a cheerful countenance, be more confident, & not stress as much. But my ideal age to settle down was a lot younger than what transpired. I speak as a Man.

Anonymous · Answer

Biologically you really need to start in your early 20s, every year after that is harmful.

Realistically in an industrialized cultures which expects women to be educated and have jobs, that is quite unlikely for most women.
Hence why every one of these cultures all around the world are in demographic decline and will cease to exist on this Earth in the foreseeable future.

Other cultures and whatever survives of our culture will have to have figure out how to get women in the business of being mother first again. The women that try to have education careers first are currently being weeded out of the species.

Reaper1985 · Answer

honestly in the modern western culture setting down and starting a family. isn't really wise for many males regardless of their age. unless they manage to find a real gem of a female.

but if marriage and/or children is a females end goal then the wiser ones would want to find a good partner. they can build a long term relationship with while their still in their prime years 16-25 range and not waste time fooling around with fuck/bad boys. because couples shouldn't even consider marriage and/or children until they've been in a exclusive relationship for 5+ years. but waiting to have sexual encounters until they've been in an exclusive relationship. will help to limit the amount of people they sleep with which can increases their valve as a marriage partner. since many males would rather not marry a female who's been with over a dozen plus other people.

Kaamraj · Answer

I advise men against getting married unless and until they can dictate terms. More than half the marriages end in divorce with men losing vast majority of the alimony, and child support battles not to mention half of their assets. If still you really do want to get married then I'd say by mid 30s when you got your affairs in order and can dictate terms is a good time.

Shamalien · Answer

I think the age should definitely be earlier for women since they mature faster and pregnancy is safer in their 20s than in their 30s. For men, it’s career dependant, you ideally want to make enough for your wife to stay home with the kids, at least during their formative years. So men, get your career on track early in life, and women, forget the bar, forget the club, focus on meeting a guy you could actually be with and who would make a good dad. Even if you decide not to get married or have kids, you give yourself optiond

Ευδεμονια · Answer

As good old Professor Oak said, “There’s a time and a place for everything”.
I think it’s basically ok to form a family when there’s a partner (!!), there’s the will of both partners to form a family and there are context conditions (employment stability, education, maturity, sense of responsibility, entente…) from both partners.

MrCon10t · Answer

I was ready to “settle down” at 17. I never wanted any wild life. No parties. Nothing of that nature. To have the companionship of a loving wife and to make a family with her is all I’ve ever wanted, even since I was only 13. I’ve known this whole time. Now I’m 26 and still single, and I don’t even have any prospects. Ain’t that a b-word! XD

shaysh87 · Answer

Most guys start thinking about marriage in their early 30s (if they are still single). This is the time where they usually start taking dating more seriously, taking more initiative.
Late 30s is when guys are more desperate and pursue the hardest. Most guys already have kids by 40.

RobT312 · Answer

29. It finally clicked I guess. I was on a family beach trip and carrying around my niece and realized I wanted to have kids and I was ready for it. So it’s in the works... getting married this yr and hopefully kids shortly after

Mitt15 · Answer

In my opinion when a Man starts earning good and is matured enough to handle responsibility it's the correct time , like in India marriage by or before 30 , and kids by 32 , though i would also prefer another kid at 45 as at that time it gives you a purpose in life.

Sarahr123 · Answer

Ideally I wanted and thought I’d be married at 21 and have a baby by 22 but now that I turned 24 and am not engaged or anything I think ideally as things stand I would like to be married by 27-31 and wait a year before conceiving a child so have a child between 29-33. I wanted two kids and would ideally want to space them out 3-5 years so that means child #2 would come between 34-38 if I space them out five years and #1 comes between 29-33 as planned.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Its rare to meet guys who always had that intention. I was never into partying, drinking, smoking, etc. I’m not into hookup culture either but I’m a huge flirt when single. Still, the goal was always to be a wife and mother. I want a guy who had the mindset of wanting to be a husband and father since forever. And it would be better if he was ready for it while in his 20s too

MarkRet · Answer

For a long time, my own life was all jacked up, and I had to work out personal issues as far as relationships, dating, sex, and all that. For years, I figured that settling down and starting a family was just not in the cards for me, so I didn't think about it much. By the time I was in late 20s, I had worked a lot of those issues out, and I just kind of got whisked into getting married and having a family. It seemed like it all happened just by chance.

Sugar100 · Answer

For me 25, I’m that age ocotber this year but I have no guy wanting live with me or be a boyfriend meet my family. So I’m stuck alone forever.

RavVid · Answer

I don't think it is the same as for women. A girl probably thinks about when it is a good time physically emotionally, financially and if she has found a suitable partner. A guy probably drifts into it more without feeling a need to map it out.

Having said that some guys have told me that they always wanted children and thought it time to settle down. I never did feel that need so I'll be interested in what other guys say.

BCA6010 · Answer

25+ usually, but depends on the individual. Most of my similar-age male friends who have gotten married still don't have kids.

The women on the other hand... Some started immediately out of high school.

genericname85 · Answer

i think that considering ones "age" is quite infantile. age isn't what matters. what matters is: are my finances in place? is my occupation stable enough? is my partner good enough and am i at a point in my personal development, where i can actually rise a child... those are the important questions. not the question of age.

GreatnessBack · Answer

Depends on the culture and ability to have financial resources to have a child.
I see in Asian cultures, it's like as soon as college is completed and have a good job, around 24-25 years old.

In America, I think 28-30 is a good age, but longer if need be and health is good.

Gotta pay for those kids.

Anonymous · Answer

It's not always age related. Life and circumstance affect it also. Especially for guys because we think more practically often (compared to many women), and worry about things like money and providing for a family. Women tend to be more "selfish" in the "I want" a family, and that's what matters more to them often.

Lliam · Answer

Even though I had a series of relationships beginning at 16 years old, I didn't start thinking about finding a life partner and settling down for good until I was in my mid-30s.
I never had any particular interest in starting a family.

SkyCastle90 · Answer

Unless he had a good start in life where he could focus on his goals without outside stressors (supporting his parents, illness, etc), then most men don't start getting serious about life/career/etc until their early to mid 30's.

sean1234 · Answer

39? I'm still single. It better be 39-40, lol. In this world you have to believe in Jesus and his commandments 1st, then everything else 2nd... another reason why I've always been single, I believe, but others don't.

Whatever2929292 · Answer

That I don't know. When I find someone I want to marry. I am kind of going on God's time on that but I would LOVE to someday.

Anonymous · Answer

Many men, myself included, don't plan to do it at all. Marriage is not what it used to be and not nearly as appealing for men in general. In the areas of reproductive rights, parental rights and child custody men tend to get screwed and have their lives ruined. That's not very appealing to me.

HighValue · Answer

I have always wanted that even when I was in high school. I was never interested in casual sex/hook ups. I always wanted the emotional connection part and building something together.

MikeInHawaii · Answer

The right time to get married is when you’ve met the right person, whether that’s at 18, 35 or never. Starting a family would be when you’re financially able, even if that’s many years after getting married.

Anonymous · Answer

In this culture with high body counts, promiscuity, disloyalty, narcissism and misandric behavior that is just laughed about... you got to be kidding me. There is no age... it's over.

mark000h · Answer

There is no benefits to marriage for men anymore. I would only settle down with a woman who is worth it which is extremely rare nowadays.

VanillaSalt · Answer

Without marriage early 20s. Marriage just isn’t worth it.

DrewJay · Answer

I guess with me it would have been in 2018. A late starter in the wanting to settle down and start a family. Still hasn't happened but it will.

SimpleGuy95 · Answer

I don´t think it depends on the age rather on the state of majurity and feeling self-secure and financially stable enough to be a father. I

UniquelyBasic · Answer

Depends on a lot of things really but if I was financially stable and had a great relationship with someone then maybe sometime in my early 30s.

Shadow_Monarch · Answer

Ideally, as soon as possible. I've had enough of the party style life. And I want to be young when I have kids, so I can run around with them and play sports and other fun activities.

VikingWarLord · Answer

What if I choose to do it at age 60  when I'm a multi-billionaire and  have multiple wives who give me multiple babies?

exitseven · Answer

I was 25. Lookling back I was not mature enough. I really did not have my life straightened out and all of a sudden I had a wife and kids.

Lynzerilee · Answer

When they realize they're older and becoming less desirable.

lightbulb27 · Answer

a great idea. I see it happening around me. At 22 I thought nothing of it, no way...:)

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I hope I can start a family before my mid 30's, I want to see my family grow up

james_d0007 · Answer

If I find the right woman and then once we both feel we are ready - then will go for marriage,
Currently single - so the only thing in mind is to become financially stable and maybe then if i find the one along the way

CasaNorba · Answer

never!

ReasonCalm · Answer

I thought it would be between 25-30 but thanks to the way women are in this world and the Pandemic now is not the time.

bolverk · Answer

For me it would have been in my early 30's, when my career was established etc, any earlier than that would have been foolish.

Valso · Answer

In my case the question should be on what planet do I think of having a family. Cuz it surely ain't happening on this one! 🤣🤣

bamesjond0069 · Answer

I think i started thinking about it at 29 maybe. The issue is there are no girls worth doing it with basically. Most women are useless in terms of being a mother let alone a wife.

Anonymous · Answer

I think having kids in a dying world is stupid and cruel.

sheikalana · Answer

Late 20s early 30s or whenever you feel comfortable in life financially and career wise.

SeekingVirginWife · Answer

For women 18 to 30 years old. For men 21 to 90 years old. Sorry ladies.

JakeS00 · Answer

When I become focused on that aspect and it's the right time.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm well past the warranty date as far as starting a family goes. As far as finding Mrs. Right, well I guess I still have hope, even if it's small and shrinking by the day.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I'm thinking that it realistically won't happen for me until my late 30s or early 40s

Iron_Man · Answer

That still hasn’t happened for me yet I guess some people are not meant to have a wife and a child sad face 😞

one1wild00 · Answer

Probably 20-22, but them I'm 48 and still don't have a family going yet.

DiegoO · Answer

I don't want to start a family and I have no interest in settling anytime soon. There is no age I think about, when it comes to settling.

clampfan101 · Answer

All I can say is “eventually” because I haven’t even found a girlfriend…

007kingifrit · Answer

i just got a new job so finding a wife and getting married and having kids is my next goal

TrillXHippy · Answer

In my fantasy right now. In reality it’s not going to happen ever

IsoUser · Answer

Having being married to young I would say that mid twenties to early thirties would be a good time. But then again that is my humble opinion.

Ghostluck · Answer

I didn't settle down until I was 32, and since I am a single father raising my kid by myself with full custody, clearly I did not wait long enough.

Men, what age do you think of settling down and starting a family?

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Men who’s are single 38+years old does it worry you and want to already settle down and have a family?

Men, what age do you think of settling down and starting a family?

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Men who’s are single 38+years old does it worry you and want to already settle down and have a family?

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