How do you deal with the feeling of not being “good enough” for your S. O?

[Anonymous]

I have a lot of insecurities in my current situationship mostly bc it is just a situationship. We’re exclusive but we’re not official, but we’ve been together for a little over a year. I’ve been really feeling like I’m not good enough for him and that’s why he won’t make things official, plus I feel like he’s still way too hurt by his past relationships…

He loves me a lot (according to him), and he’s always been super supportive of me, he’s the only person that’s been there for me. He said that he’s not ready for a relationship bc he’s too scared of his past repeating but with his ex he was super loving and I feel like he still has a soft spot for her. I just wish that he would choose me as his first option :(

How do you counter the feeling of not being good enough? I know I’m a catch and I have a lot to offer but I can’t help to compare myself with how he used to and is still currently treating his ex

[TheSpaceGnome]

"We’re exclusive but we’re not official"

No, being exclusive is what makes it official.
"situationship" really needs to be retired as a word.

Also, he's full of shit, as you already are official, but he plans to leave you for someone he thinks is better.

You deal with it by breaking up and getting someone who actually loves you.

[Asker]

Wow I never really thought about it that way. I’ve always thought that “exclusive” = we’re boyfriend/girlfriend. He still wouldn’t refer to me as his girlfriend and I don’t call him my boyfriend, but we’re technically acting like we’re in a relationship. So confusing.

I don’t see him leaving me for anyone else, but I do see that he doesn’t appreciate the boundaries as he’s still letting his ex get involved with his life. I definitely need to reconsider this whole “relationship”

[TheSpaceGnome]

You are splitting hairs.

Being exclusive romantically/sexually = boyfriend/girlfriend.

You two can arbitrarily choose not to call eachother that, but thats what it is, so its not a "situationship" it's denial.

[Asker]

Oh man, here I am overthinking about the fact the he won’t make it official bc he said that he’s “not ready for anything serious just yet” when in reality we’re pretty much already in a relationship…

I think him and I definitely have different expectations of what a relationship is tho

[slatyb]

He's stringing you along. End this unfulfilling relationship so you can meet someone capable of living you. Get some counseling to overcome the feelings of inadequacy that least you to accept the unacceptable.

[Asker]

Thank you, this is a wake up call… I do think I deserve someone that wants me as their first choice. I know this man loves me but he’s not ready to give his all for me while he’s expecting me to give my all to him :(

[shaysh87]

honestly, i don't think your relationship with his person will last unless you solve both your mental issues. trust is an important part of every relationship. you can't trust unless you have confidence in your man.

[Asker]

That is sad but true… I think I’m just too insecure to continue being with him. I guess we’re just not compatible bc we have different expectations esp about not keeping the ex around :(

[es20490446e]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/cQu1yA0k87U

[Asker]

Thanks for sharing this!

[es20490446e]

Happy to help whenever I can 👍

[Asker]

Short but very helpful video right there, much appreciated!

[Manoftheeast]

You're not "not good enough"..
He has issues
You're being patient with him

[Asker]

I think I really just needed the reassurance, thank you… Do you think I’m being too patient with him?

[Manoftheeast]

Really tough to say..
Over 1 year sofar is a lot of time but maybe he's worth it?

It's your life so it's for you to judge and decide how much you're willing to tolerate

[Asker]

I thought he was worth it but now I’m not so sure anymore… he’s being very untrustworthy lately so I will have to reconsider. Sad that I feel like I might have been wasting my time with him :(

[Manoftheeast]

Well that's a tough talk to have with your guy so good luck with that.
You'll be okay 👌

[Asker]

Thank you so much for the support, you’re awesome!

[RuthlessAggression]

We tend to self depreciate, when we are bored

You might just not be into him anymore, so, you start saying "im ugly"

[Asker]

I’m actually still super into him but he doesn’t seem to be that into me (even though he says he is but his actions say otherwise), which is why I’m feeling inadequate.

[RuthlessAggression]

HAHHA, that's a laugh. I knew women lie, but you just took it to a whole nother level

[Asker]

Not sure why I would lie about being into him lmao

[RuthlessAggression]

because women lie, and i guarantee you, you are, especially because you're anon. i find anon's lie more often

[Asker]

Ok sure, looks like someone’s been hurt a lot in the past. Good luck to you!

[RuthlessAggression]

Not at all

[summer_of_91]

For sure I was good enough for her... she is a 10 and I am a 2

[Asker]

Love the confidence!!

[Jouth]

If he's still talking to his ex, that might be a red flag...

[Asker]

They don’t talk anymore (as far as I know), his ex still hasn’t moved on from him and he’s not shutting her down. His ex is still posting about him and basically telling people that they’re trying to work things out while he told me to just ignore her without even telling her that no they’re done for real…

[Jouth]

If he hasn't told her that they are done for real and you have been together for a year then that's a HUGE red flag.

[Asker]

I know 😔 this is why I’m super insecure. He finally texted her and told her that he’s seeing someone new which is great but I can’t get over the fact the he took so long and how he was treating her and excusing all of her behavior…

[Jouth]

You're getting played. You need to get out of there.

[Asker]

I agree… thanks for looking out for me

[Guy13]

Don’t over analyze everything…

[Asker]

Thanks for the reminder. I’ve just been feeling really insecure esp after his ex posted an old photo of them on their anniversary day 😔

[Guy13]

Hopefully he’ll detect and help end that insecurity thing..,

[Asker]

I think I’ll need to talk to him about it, he doesn’t seem to notice bc I kept it to myself

[Guy13]

Oh, great... self-inflicted and living inside one's own head. Look, you're probably a very sweet young lady. There are behavior patterns THAT must stop now. I'm not an advisor or expert.-But... and so forth :)

[Asker]

I tried talking to him about it once and he got upset with me (I told him about being uncomfortable about his situation with his ex). Which is why now I’m kinda scared to bring it up again… but you’re right I do need to really discuss this with him.

[Guy13]

Pardon my delay- Perhaps a "clean source" is best for you personally. Itemize the bullshit like a 1/2 PIECE OF PAPER. 1. Reaction, 2. Reactio. If you give me a thesis..."get out of office"... Go see a Counselro? Go see a College Counselor ORGANIZED?

Find your own bearings first?

[Asker]

Great advice, will give it a try. Thank you!!

[Jaguarsxr051]

Give him time that's all

[Asker]

Time to do what exactly?

[Jaguarsxr051]

To forget his ex

[Asker]

Well I’ve given him over a year and he claims that he’s over her, I think he really just needs to be proper single right now. We started dating pretty soon after he broke up (only like 1-2 months after he just broke up I think)

[Jaguarsxr051]

1 month short time I think he didn't heal very well

[Asker]

Yeah I agree. I think I need to let this go so that he can properly heal without me around slowing down his process