Is this an unhealthy way to deal with arguments?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I just had an argument (well a couple hours ago). When we argue I feel like he doesn‘t listen to me and only waits to speak and tell me what he thinks, disregarding what I had just said. It got to the point earlier I had to physically walk away for a few minutes. When I came home just the sight of him irritated me so I went to our bedroom and shut the door. A while later he comes in and asks a completely random question about where something is in the kitchen, like really? Your girlfriend‘s clearly upset and you’re just brushing it under the carpet. He did this a couple times. Ok then … I was still so annoyed at him later that I asked him to sleep in the living room. He agreed and went to the living room without ant questions; he didn’t even try to resolve the situation that he caused. Is this a res flag? Shutting down after an argument is often his thing and it drives me crazy. I want to resolve things like adults and he shuts down. For once I would love it if would take the first step. But clearly that’s too hard for him. I’ve been with this man for 4 years and I just can’t stand the way he deals with conflict anymore. Normally after an argument I’d cry but I haven’t, eyes just got a little watery. I just feel so exhausted by our constant repetitive bickering. My question is how much is too much? At what point do you know you can’t stand the person anymore?

[dynamicyandere]

This book was recommended by my psychology professor who had over a decade of experience as a licensed couples’ counselor: Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson


Reading through that book was a big eye-opener and it helped me confirm things I was doing right in my relationships as well as things I could be handling better.


In the book, it goes through all kinds of unhealthy patterns a relationship may go through, how to recognize them, and how to handle them maturely in a way that restores harmony.


I highly recommend you two take the time to go through that book together as it’s been a huge help to many people. I’d read several relationship books including The Five Love Languages and I think Hold Me Tight is most important relationship book a couple can read.


What he’s doing is called stonewalling. Which isn’t a good response to conflict. As for you, it’s like you’re punishing him through forced physical separation. You need to both try to do what’s best for the relationship, especially in the midst of conflict.


Hopefully, it’s not too late and you two will be willing to cooperate with each other and learn how to avoid these unhealthy patterns and replace them with healing ones.


I wish you two the best. 🤞

[caring__1]

It is impossible to argue and communicate at the same time. Choose which one you prefer. If you don't have the tools to understand the difference, find a therapist who specializes in communication and learn the basics. It's best to learn with someone else, so you have someone to practice with.

It appears you are more interested in being heard than communicating. Communication is about showing you care enough to want to understand the other. It's not a competition to see who is right or who wins.

[driven159]

you have reached it time to go your relationship is dead now move on

[BungusHighFivePizza]

yeah prob u both got probs

[BarryLiverstone]

When you feel apathetic towards him