I've heard about couples loving each other and staying together for more than 20+ years, yet they're arguing ca. 2 - 3 times daily. Not about major things like economy, but minor things like having too loud sound on the TV, standing in the front of the fridge without moving so the other partner can grab something, the way the other person words themselves or said the wrong word although it was obviously what they meant, complaining about the SO's short attention span, about a silly joke that didn't make fun of anyone and so on.
A similar argument I've heard about earlier: Partner 1: - I've heard about the new president. What do you think? Partner 2: - Nice weather outside. 1: - Did you paid attention to what I said? 2: - Yes, I did. He's a funny guy. I wants to go outside. 1: - OMG!!! You didn't pay attention to what I said and didn't answer my question. What do you think about him? His policies!!! 2: - Do it matter? 1: - I wants to hear your opinion. You're just ignoring me and I'm so fricking annoyed now. 2: *Leave the room* 1: *Finds the SO* - If you don't want to talk about it, just tell me. If you're not interested, tell me. Say sorry for your behavior. 2: - I'm interested. 1: - Say sorry. Go on! 2: - I'm so sorry. Going to listening to you next time, honey! 1: - Thanks. But you're obviously not interested. *Leave*
3+ times a day (Why)
Daily (Explain Why)
Several times a week - more than twice a week (Why)
Several times a month - more than three times a month (Why)
Never too much arguing, but depends on what we're arguing about/how we argues (Why)
Never too much arguing, as long we loves each others (Why)
Every couple will have conflict. Couples who don't argue are not rare exceptions to that rule. They are simply examples of couples in which one partner always gives in, always compromises, always keep their mouth shut. How miserable that must be! I DON'T want a relationship in which we never argue.
The word "argument" has some bad connotations. An argument does not need to include name calling, throwing things, threatening divorce/break up, dredging up conflicts from the past, or screaming uncontrollably. Assuming that it is a "good" or healthy argument. . .
Sometimes, you simply need for your partner to hear why you think they are wrong, you need them to understand that there is a basis to your feelings and they don't need to give in but they should at least respect that you are not being unreasonable because of disagreeing. If that makes you feel better because it dissipates some of the tension, then that is a good argument. (I also think post-argument sex is a great way to dissipate tension but I've never had a partner who agreed with that statement!)
If a couple is arguing about a problem and they can turn from complaining to seeking mutually agreed upon solutions, then that is ideal. What starts out as "This house looks like a shot hole on steroids!" can end up with an agreement to work together for 30 minutes every evening until things are in order.
If a couple is arguing about nonsense ("How dare you move the cheese!") quite often, it usually means that they have an underlying conflict which is not being addressed and their anger is coming out whenever they have the slightest excuse. These are unhealthy arguments. And if they are name calling, throwing things, threatening divorce/break up, dredging up conflicts from the past, or screaming uncontrollably. . . they may need to reassess why they are together, because those kind of arguments can suck the joy out of life!
From someone who's lived longer then the majority of us here, who's experienced more than many of us have, along with being thoughtful, yet straight-forward with his words, I couldn't help but to compliment you on this! There's a good reason why people appreciate your words and why you're one of the most important community members here! I can't thank you enough for your contribution here for all of us to learn and enjoy from you :)
Normally those "arguments about nothing" are really just symptoms of a much bigger problem that the person doesn't want to talk about (or is afraid to talk about). Obviously it's dumb argue over little stuff, and it's just as dumb to hide big issues until they explode - but people do that all the time. It's NOT healthy (anything but!) and people need to be able to communicate better - and to listen better and be better about taking bad news.
Actual arguing: anything over 'rarely' is too much.
But discussing what you want for dinner or which movie you're going to watch is okay, as long as it's friendly arguing. This does not include passive aggressiveness over things like how your partner needs to do more cleaning or needs to pay more.
I don’t buy the whole idea that arguments make a couple stronger. That’s not normal. It means you’re not compatible. It also depends on what you argue about. Petty things like, where to eat, is not worrisome than arguing about finances or your family.
I agree almost completely. I compare fights/arguments in relationships to workplace accidents (i know, it's extreme but still). What's the ideal number of days since last accident and how many accidents are ideal for workplaces? Go figure...
Your example of an argument sounds like a very immature couple.
To much arguing like everyday is unhealthy. Even every other day. And the relationship will likely fail unless they find a way to communicate better. And if you love each other enough you'll both find a way.
That's great but still very immature to argue over standing in the way of the refrigerator. Lol! I know with my man he gets to talking and blocks it. And its definitely annoying but I just say excuse me or wait patiently. I hope they've learned to communicate better throughout the years.
I'm agree. I also thinks it's immature. I do at least know when I gets a partner in the future, I won't be like that and won't get a partner like that either. How I learns from by own mistakes I also learn by observing and listening. Also heard about a couple where one of them gets very angry because the other one wants to leave the table after finishing the meal.
That's controlling behavior. Its toxic and wrong. I'm glad you will be a good partner. No ones perfect but there's some behaviors that are unacceptable.
Depends on the argument and the ongoing process of it. If it's about something trivial or stupid, then one-two of them (if prolonged) are enough before considering calling it quits.
Now if arguing is in a peaceful or understanding manner or the argument is about a valid topic (not the what do you think of the president/celebrity/dinosaurs/bam-dooze-wooze-koo, more like which car/house to buy, where to spend the vacation, what to do on the weekends...), i suppose arguing can be done infinite amount of times, so long it's not nagging.
Bonus: If there's any blame game involved, then consider NOW calling it quits.
Never been in any relationships, I know they tend to happen sooner or later and depending upon how it all goes it can sometimes be the very beginning of a relationship going downhill to a relationship being over. Look on the bright side, if you have nobody and if you're not with anybody, then you also got nobody to argue with, that is of course and unless you really like to and enjoy arguing with another person?
It sort of depends what you define as an argument. It's pretty easy to get on without arguing constantly if your communication is decent but some amount of butting heads is inevitable. I'd say anything more than a few times a month that persists more than a few months would be a pretty bad sign. If it's up to daily things are getting heated.
More than 2 times a years is too much. I seriously hate arguing. hearing my parents arguing a lot made me hate all arguing / fight. Arguing is never healthy, not agreeing with your partner and talking about it is healthy but arguing, screaming, etc... this isn't healthy and mean the person is immature and unable to have a proper talk if they don't get their ways.
We NEVVVVVER argue. If there is any chance of an argument, one of us stays quiet after a potentially arguable statement. Been like that for 20+ years of marriage.
That typical statement so common in American household: "WHAT are you talking about?"... That has no place in our relationship. We have never used that. And we absolutely hate it when we hear "typically" guys say that. Absolutely disrespectful.
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