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I love how things are going with my relationship. We've been dating (separately; no cohabitation) for 11 months now and there hasn't been a single heated up argument, no drama, no cold shower, none of that.
Honestly do you really need to have arguments in a relationship? I see no point when it starts getting awful, there is too much drama and both start to even yell at or insult each other.
This is like asking if rape is necessary to make love. You can communicate or you can argue, but you can't do both at the same time. In arguments, it's not uncommon to hear the other person say something that makes sense, but we can't accept it, due to the argument. If you can't accept something that makes sense to you, how can you expect the other to accept something that doesn't make sense to them?
Arguments are defensive maneuvers, where we do everything in our power to keep the other person from hurting us. Some people say "You said this in an argument, so you must really mean in." No, take whatever a person says in an argument with a grain of salt. All words and actions in an argument are merely used to get the other person to stop their attack.
For those who don't see a value in arguing, find a professional who can teach you effective communication skills. Knowing the differences between talking and communicating, what words trigger what responses, along with the importance of showing interest in seeing things through the eyes of the other and truly understanding that person's perspective (rather than constantly focusing on being heard) makes communication easier and more effective.
No, arguments are a sign of incompatibility. The less you argue about, the more compatible you are, ideal is 100% compatible.
Indeed. In comparing to my last toxic relationship where arguments were started by him practically all the time (he even had the nerves to call me stupid and scream at me, making me cry in anger), I love how peaceful this relationship is.
Yeah people often say being the same mentally as your partner is boring, but typically they are boring types of people who pick wrong, argue a lot, and divorce.
I disagree. I fell out of a relationship where we never fought.
Arguments and disagreements are normal and it teaches empathy toward others views.
Sometimes letting your partner rant and be emotional helps them work through the experience that may be bringing these extreme feelings.
@IAnNobody
What if I really find nothing to argue about? I can't think of anything to argue in my current relationship.
Thats a good thing.
high teir compatibility
@IAnNobody Nah, arguments are bad, you can't please everyone, gotta stick with a likeminded partner, empathy is another matter entirely, and opposing views are very bad for romantic/sexual relationships.
I'm not sure. I do see a difference between an argument and a fight. What you're describing to me sounds like a fight.
Are they needed, no. I do think conflict - and that simply means having an opposing view, opinion or expectation - is normal in a relationship. Not that it's inviting a screaming match, as it is possible to resolve a conflict without fighting, but if we were to agree on everything, personally, I would find that weird.
Like I said, the question is a matter of semantics to me. Are fights needed? No. Is conflict, as in resolving differences, to be expected? yes.
I think since we don't live together, there is no conflicts yet. That must be part of the reason. I just can't think of anything to argue about in my relationship, nothing at all.
You don't need to create an argument where there isn't one. You just need to be prepared to handle it when/if it comes. When couples have differing opinions, or miscommunication, taking the passive approach is only going to diminish your relationship in the important ways.
So what is needed, always, is growth. And often that is founded through having a disagreement, communicating maturely, and coming out on top of it.
@SnowedIn
Indeed
Opinion
19Opinion
You will not always agree on things, and an occasional argument is good to get your feelings out in the open, rather than let them stew inside you and turn into something really bad. Besides, makeup sex after an argument is the best!
I guess as long as I'm not getting yelled at suddenly (I don't yell unless I get yelled at first) nor called insults then I'm fine to point out the differences in a healthy and civilized manner of comunicating and come to a compromise, hear out his stance too.
It's bad when they try to force their views and even yell at you or insult you.
Yes. Yes you DO. I feel like you don't fully KNOW your partner until you've seen them really angry with you. How do they behave towards their partner when they're that mad? It says a lot about a person.
However, it's certainly possible to go 11 months without any fights. Unusual, but not 'problematic'. But if you and your boyfriend are together a year from now, and STILL haven't had a big fight...(or several medium-sized fights) that's FOR SURE a problem. 🙂
Though it's bad when it gets to the point of yelling matches and insults. That shouldn't happen in a healthy relationship. I think you can argue with getting to that point.
How do you avoid it ⁉️ Not trying to be a smart ass but tell me how this is avoided
If you're very compatible with them and have a lot more in common (and even have similar personalities), then you might find yourself in a peaceful relationship.
It takes both people willing to communicate clearly and respectfully instead of getting into an argument when discussing an issue that isn't agreed on by both parties.
@Subarugirl Yeah, wake up and look around you and snap out of your Fantasy World. Good v Evil, Baby in the Womb killing, Putin thing, school shootings.
Man/Woman are fallen and self consumed and unable to educate or enlighten him/her Self to improvement.
Again, nice thought and pie in the sky...
Well that’s how it works in my relationship. Not everyone is willing to communicate clearly and respectfully, that’s why I chose someone who does.
@Subarugirl Everyone has self-interest, agenda, and are fallen. Because one "communicates well" does not mean his/her standing are Good. What good is a false communication for the sake of "looking good". Sorry but your reply identifies one with the depth of fescue grass roots.
Who cares that you communicate well when your underpinned values, such as baby killer abortionists, man with Being is to be treated as or same as animals, or a list of other absurdities which are flawed. Optics... your worldview is one of Optics.
Well that’s why I am not talking about false communication for the sake of optics. I’m talking about healthy communication in heathy relationships.
@Subarugirl
Yes and it's ok to agree to disagree in a healthy relationship. It's bad when a partner presses the other one to agree with him/her and is an extremist fanatic in a topic and doesn't even compromise
Since @Guy13 mention about abortion being murder, while that was a topic we both talked... we agreed that is a horrible circumstance such as rape. In that case, we agreed it's a case by case and that it's hard to decide what can be done in such terrible case. He didn't go all ''abortion, even if it's rape is always murder'' fanatic on me. Being a fanatic in anything and not even trying to listen to your partner's views is (even if you decide to disagree in a peaceful way) is bad.
exactly which is why I sated that tt takes both people willing to communicate clearly and respectfully instead of getting into an argument when discussing an issue that isn't agreed on by both parties.
Need? No, you don't "need". But they do and will happen and that's okay. The key is to be willing to be open and thoughtful and respectful. The word 'argue' particularly in America has been given some really bad connotation. Oxford defines it as "give reasons or cite evidence in support of an idea, action, or theory, typically with the aim of persuading others to share one's view." Arguing isn't just or only yelling and anger and badness.
But, more to your question: relationships will have arguments solely because there are humans involved and they have opinions and will disagree. My wife and I almost never argue anymore because we've figured out what matters and what doesn't but it can still happen. We talk through it and move on.
True. I think once it gets to the level of yelling matches and insults, it means the argument has gone too far by then. Honestly I find that so disrespectful. No one deserves to be treated like that. In my past relationship, it was really my ex boyfriend that would turned a small disagreement or different opinion into horrible argument, where he would yell so badly, even said ''ARE YOU STUPID ARE WHAT''.. I was left in tears of anger, shocked and wondering ''Omg, what happened, what on earth happened''.
With the support of my family and through psychological sessions after breaking up with him... I realized he was really a narcissist. He would keep saying I stressed him out and I had no idea what
I was doing wrong. I was peaceful, not into drama, faithful and don't recall ever nagging him. Those are the type of people that someone can't make them happy not even if I were a sweet woman that doesn't like nagging nor yelling.
I'm now in a healthy relationship and no arguments... finally peace. I was never in the wrong.
Drama is some bullshit. I think what ends up happening a lot of the time is one or both become dependent on the other for some reason... insert the conflict of interest and that's where the drama starts. For instance, an attention whore getting with a guy that's not interested in being a cuck... those two are going to fucking fight and you know it. Attention whores are better suited with guys that cheat on them all the time on the DL... not to a dude that's just trying to have a family of his own and have a life partner with a special bond. Basically, I'm saying if your morals and values match up then there isn't any drama. Too many liars out there though or desperate people that will fake being a certain way long enough to cause the issue of dependency and eventually the mask will slip and reality sets in on the reality of things for both.
Arguments or disagreements will happen if a couple is involved to a degree. The more they care about one another, the more possible disagreements. They should be fair arguments, is the key. If you don't fight or argue fairly--then that's not a good sign that they relationship would last. How much the couple values the relationship will determine the length of it.
True and that's exactly the point. I'll give you an example. For instance we were once talking about the topic of abortion. While he originally thought the baby should be given a chance to live, I pointed out the case of rape, even worse if the rape victim was a 10-12 year-old girl and her rapist a pedophile. We both agreed there are horrible situations such as rape and it's a case by case, that it's a tough situation in that case.
A horrible argument would've been if he were to be ones of those ''every single type of abortion, even if she gets raped is murder'' fanatic and tries to push his views on me, or were to call me stupid for not agreeing with him. That would've been the case of disrespect in the relationship. It shouldn't get to that level. Yelling matches and name callings seems to create toxic relationships.
To push your views on anyone, is wrong. That' why I don't believe in discussing religion or politics with people you don't agree with. everyone is different. As for me--the way I think about abortion is--let it be the last resort to a pregnancy. I am pretty much aware that women should be in control of their own bodies, but let's play it safe by not having women go through this procedure in the first place. I do believe men can be on a pill or take the responsibility of protection as well. It takes two to solve how this will later play out. As for rapists with those 12 yr old girls, it's a real shame this happens all. In this case--I don't even think a child going through this is capable of handling an abortion emotionally. If there was a pill to stop the pregnancy--and I think there is--then the would be my option.
Yeah it makes sense. I feel terrible for the child rape cases. On one part she might not be emotionally prepared to handle abortion but on the other hand, if she carries the pregnancy full term or has to have a C-section that can be a risk for her young, undeveloped body (high risk pregnancy) and there is a chance she might not make it.
Wow this is something unique, usually arguing shows that the relationship is healthy because after the argument ends you both understand each other more well. But seems like you and your spouse are already really understanding and careful not to hurt each other verbally and it's good.
Or we're compatible and have more things in common than differences.
Yes that's a point too
Constant drama and argument means there's something off with the relationship and more than likely you aren't suited to each other.
On the other hand no argument at all may mean you are too much alike to keep the spark alive in your relationship! Without difference, life can become bland. Do you truly want to be with someone who's the mirror image of yourself?
Maybe you do. If that's the case, then you're in the perfect relationship.
I like a bit of friction. Not knock down drag out fights. But some spicy conversations where we might agree to disagree. It's all a matter of taste.
Yes I love how things are going now. I was in a horrible relationship with my past ex boyfriend where he would create arguments.
For instance if I didn't pour one whole lemon on my tea but only 1/2 of a lemon, he was already upset with me, argued and gave me the cold shoulders, or blow up suddenly for trivial things or if I wanted to place boundaries and kindly disagree with him on something, he gaslighted me and we would argue. He would started the arguments and all of the sudden was yelling at me and another time ever said ''ARE YOU STUPID'' so loudly an hurtful. I was wondering how, when and why would a beautiful Saturday or Sunday turned into a sudden yelling match and insults or what I did to make him blow up like that if I'm a peaceful, loyal woman. Needless to say he was really a narcissist. I ended up hating him in the end, hating the drama and wanting peace.
Now I'm in healthy relationship, no yelling matches, no name callings, no gaslighting and I love how things are now.
In my last relationship, my ex boyfriend kept saying ''Atheists are stupid'' (basically insulting me for not believing in god), kept trying to shove down his belief on the bible towards me. It was to the point where I had to fake it and lie about believing in god to keep the peace and for him not to consider breaking up with me. In that relationship I felt like walking one eggwalks. I was against corporal punishment on kids and he used to try to force me to agree that you're suppose to spank kids, that's the only way, etc. It's like I couldn't state my views on anything and I was losing my real identity, my true self. I feel free in my current relationship.
In comparing to my new relationship, I feel at peace and that neither of us are forcing other each's ideas. I can finally be an atheist and not be criticized nor disrespected (called stupid) for not reading a bible nor believing in a god.
Sometimes it takes time and pain to understand that a relationship is not working! Good for you!!!
True. When I got rid of my ex boyfriend, my parents and maternal grandma were all happy that we even celebrate it with a cup of wine, lol.
Are they necessary? No, but I would be surprised if a relationship didn't have any.
Assuming you and your SO are two whole individuals, I'd think there would be disagreements as you merge lives. Arguing and disagreeing are different, though. It's totally possible to disagree and have a mature discussion without fighting.
Arguments are unnecessary. My partner and I hardly ever argue at all, and we're happy as larks. As long as you two can be honest and discuss important issues, you'll be fine.
Great to hear that.
They don't need to and it most certainly sucks when they do unfortunately happen
Just be prepared for them if they ever come smh
I'll be prepared. As long as things can be discussed in a civilized manner and we can agree to disagree peaceful without yelling matches or name callings then it's ok.
The only time I see myself arguing back is if I were yelled at or insulted first. In that case, I won't tolerate getting disrespected.
Of course arguments are necessary at all. It's amazing that you guys have had a healthy situation.
The only thing is that arguments aren't improbable. Sometimes it may happen in the future, but just cause it hasn't happened doesn't mean something's wrong.
I think as long as an argument can reached a compromise and both respect each other's different views, then it's ok. If an argument gets to the point of a yelling match and insults hurled... then I think that's bad and it's disrespectful.
An argument doesn't have to be negative or "heated". I feel like you are viewing arguments in a negative connotation. With that said I think I know what you are trying to say. There are ways to have proper discussion that doesn't involve screaming or insults. It is obvious that that way of speaking isn't necessary in a relationship. That is just immaturity.
Maybe I speak of arguments in a negative way because that's how most of my parents' marriage and my past relationship with my toxic ex boyfriend was like; full of yelling matches and name callings. Though in my past relationship with the toxic ex boyfriend, he used to say ''all atheists are stupid'' and yell at me too much when I didn't get an answer right or keep saying ''you're damn stressing me out'' and continue yelling meanwhile I was left wondering ''Omg what on earth happened, why did a beautiful Saturday turned into a nightmare, what the hell happened'''
I love peace in this relationship, no more worrrying about stressing someone out, no more worrying about when he throws a tantrum again suddenly for no reason, no more out of control heated arguments, etc.
No. It's your business, not the world's. You don't get to ruin everyone else's experience because you are upset. It's not all about you and people need to learn to be considerate of others.
yeah if other people want to stay in toxic situation, let them. I love the peace my current relationship brings. In comparing to my last relationship with a narcissist that would suddenly create and elaborate arguments (he would start them... he would start the yelling match)... it was a living nightmare.
Communication and discussions are required. Arguments are not. They are not the same thing.
You have to be able to argue with each other respectfully. You should NEVER get to the point of having screaming matches with your partner.
I wouldn't say it's a need... it's just a thing that will happen. And how the couple handles it... will either keep them together and make their love stronger. Oooor it will give them murderous thoughts.
To an extent, yes. Everyone is different and not everyone will agree on everything, each person's opinions should be stated then if they disagree, work it out
True and I know at some point, there will be certain difference but as long as it doesn't include yelling matches nor name callings then it's normal to disagree in a healthy way. I think if a partner yells and calls you stupid like my ex boyfriend would do, that's a toxic person.
Arguments are just disagreements on a higher level if u cam disagree and solve it through conversation then ya good
It's not good when it becomes a yelling match and all of then sudden they make you cry or even hurl out insults.
Yes it was and he's been dumped and blocked for the longest now.
Arguments are not needed but discussions and communication certainly is
Yes. At the very least it’s venting natural human frustrations to a trusted partner. At most, it’s a way to fix issues in the relationship. My wife and I have arguments all over the spectrum, mostly just venting tho.
That's different. You guys are married. We're just dating now. I guess it'll be different once married.
No arguments and excessive near violent or violent arguments are also toxic.
Healthy arguments are cool.
I mean you don't need to have arguments but it's eventually going to happen. You should not force anything just for the sake of doing it.
A lot of women think argumets as healthy. They consider men not doing that as not properly into them as they don't fight for what they love and consider them boring.
Actually I'm happy with my current relationship and wouldn't trade what I have for drama. My last relationship was horrible... it was with a narcissist that would blow up easily over trivial things and create argument. 99% of the times, it was him yelling first, him starting the insults and suddenly he would go on and on with the argument, not stop. It was horrible.
I'm actually a reserved woman in real life, a bit shy when meeting new people and try my best to avoid drama.
If I'm not yelled at, nor called stupid then obviously I would have no reason to argue.
I think there is no need to have arguments in life :)
Some arguments are needed as this allows blunt communication , however too many arguments are bad for the relationship.
Yes too much is bad and if drama is already happening in a relationship, then it'll likely get worse if married. An argument is also bad if someone starts yelling badly and hurls out insults. It should not get to that leve.
Its normal as long as its drama free.
True. I love how things are going and wouldn't trade that for anything.
disagreements and differences of opinion are normal
You need both arguments and fights in order for the relationship to be healthy and long lasting.
After all I've gone through with my past relationship and wasted tears with that guy, I think it makes sense why I want peace by now.
Arguments can create misunderstanding. It my thoughts
True and when it gets to the level of yelling matches and insults, it means it has gone too far.
If she used to be a prostitute she will not be happy with money her boy friend or husband making. I mean why fight? Money
How is this related to my question?
Enjoy your relationship.
Thank you
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