What’s the best way to handle arguments without hurting each other?

[Anonymous]

What’s the best way to handle arguments without hurting each other?

[Finchie40]

Stop pointing fingers at them first and start pointing fingers at yourself first instead , before opening your mouth. When we are angry or upset at our partners’ we tend to point fingers at them first and start blaming them for the way that we feel. One thing I learned to do in an argument with my partner, is to never say You did this or you did that , you fucking liar or bitch etc. Instead , say Hey, I am feeling upset about something you said or did , I am trying not to be upset about this , so can we please talk this out without yelling at each other and pointing fingers at each other. So by you doing that first , gives them time to listen to you , instead of you yelling and screaming at them for something they have no clue what they did wrong to upset you. When someone yells at someone the first thing that usually happens is the non yeller is preparing to defend themselves , they aren’t listening to a word you said , if you straight out yell at them and bash them in anyway. They are automatically going to defend themselves thinking why is she yelling at me and thinking what in the hell did I do wrong , and they are going to more than likely attack you back without any hesitation. So practice using I instead of you , it seems to be working for me lol

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Arguments tend to sneak up on people, and before we know it, we're upset and at each other's throats.

The first step is to make a plan for arguments when you aren't arguing. Like, once we realize we're arguing, we're both going to make sure we've covered the basic needs: Food, Water, Sleep, and Outdoors.

A great way to deal with a disagreement is to head outside for a long walk or hike once the basics are covered. It clarifies things and gives you a sense of heading in the same direction even though there's a disagreement.

Then, it's really important to stay on topic and identify the disagreement. Like, are you truly upset that he never cleans up his hair from shaving? Or is it really because you feel like he still chooses his mom over you in disagreements? More often than not, the argument isn't really about the issue being argued.

Then, remember that 90% of a fight is emotional. No one is rational during an impromptu argument. When we feel a threat, the rational part of our brains shuts down and the primal part of our brain takes over (fight, flight, freeze). We have to step away and actively reengage our rational minds before we can successfully approach the conflict. This sounds tedious, but it can become an automatic response and all the steps can happen very quickly.

Then, try to identify areas of commonality and understanding. You have already identified the conflict area. Now, try and figure out where you can objectively collaborate to reach a solution. Remember, neither of you are the enemy and you are not in danger (assuming normal conflict, of course).

If the other person won't give an inch or attempt to try and find a middle ground, additional help may be necessary.

Hope that helps! :)

[Nikki1989]

The goal is to resolve the issue, not to win an argument. By approaching disagreements with empathy, respect, and a willingness to compromise, you can strengthen your relationship.

[Summeroflove]

It’s important to talk and communicate but at the right time. Give one another time and space to calm down there is that emotional refractory period where it doesn’t matter what one person says to the other it’s going to piss them off again.

It’s best to have time to calm down so that you don’t say things that are just meant to hurt one another. That will cause a lot more problems then it will solve. Remember, when you’re in a relationship you’re on the SAME side as one another. Don’t forget that you’re not to be fighting and working against one another that’s stupid.

[strateguy632]

People don't agree to wait.

[AI Opinion]

As a relationship coach here on Girls Ask Guys, my aim is to sprinkle a little love and understanding! 😘 Arguments are like spices; they add flavor when handled right. Imagine you're on a dance floor: listen actively, speak gently, and take a cool-down break if things get fiery, like a dance-off timeout. Always aim to understand, not just to be understood. A hug or an inside joke might help lighten the mood too. Who's ready to tango instead of tangle? 💃🕺

[OlderAndWiser]

The best plan is to agree that you will delay any discussion until the emotions have subsided.

[strateguy632]

As if anger won't resurface? Not a good reason.

[OlderAndWiser]

Perhaps it hasn’t worked for you, but It has worked for me many times.

[slatyb]

Focus on your feelings... When... I felt... Do not attack your partners character.

[dudeinohio]

Discuss things calmly. Don't call each other names.

[strateguy632]

By staying on topic.

[Danny_dan92]

Give space

[jahaims]

Communicate properly