He never makes the bed and never treats me as a priority?

[Dream-er679]

My boyfriend doesn’t make the bed - I’m mostly always the one doing it. It drives me insane because it’s so easy! You learn to do it when you’re like 5! So when I came home today and shock horror the bed was still left as it was this morning, I was livid. I even reminded him to do it (like his fricking mother, I know). Is this guy every going to mature and make the bed or should I cut my losses and leave? It’s a simple thing but it’s symbolic of other issues we have, like him not being able to stop his video game to pop to the shop for me (which is literally 30 seconds away downstairs). I’m just noticing a lot of mannerisms lately that suggest he forgets about my needs and focuses on his own. I ended up going to the shop myself for the can of cold coke I needed in this heat. He knew I’d had a b*tch of a commute home and yet he still made excuses for not being to get his work-from-home ass off the couch: he had to keep playing to get to a point he could save the game. Does any other woman feel unattracted to their partner when they play video games? Cos I do. I’m always second priority when it comes to that damn thing :(

[Anonymous]

Oh well, that's just how he is. No one's perfect, and once you get into a relationship you need to know and understand it.
Before getting into one, would be nice to ask yourself if you're okay with this person's imperfections. If you can be okay even with their bad habits.

Now, you need to decide if he's not making his bed and playing video games is something that you really can't stand or not.

But knowing that everyone and in every relationship will have imperfections, and your partner will always have some habits that will annoy you.

I get annoyed sometimes by even some of my parents habits lol.
Living with someone is bound to have lows and highs. It happens to the bests.

[caring__1]

What you see is what you get. Never assume anyone will change for you. Making that assumption will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Often, we overlook issues when a relationship is new, yet when the newness wears off, these overlooked issues become major irritants.

You say he learned how to make a bed when he was five. Were you there then? Could he not have learned at five that mom preferred making his bed, so it was done her way? He is showing you his preferences and priorities. You expect him to respect your preferences and priorities and then minimize his preferences and priorities. I'm not declaring either one of you right or wrong. I'm saying the two of you are just different. If the differences rub you the wrong way, then this isn't the relationship for you. I don't care how much you want your cat to bark, it's very unlikely to happen.

[Dream-er679]

Thanks for your reply. I was talking generally about making a bed at 5 - I just meant its like one of the basics of keeping your house tidy. Maybe we are just different people.

[caring__1]

"No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick."
-- Erma Bombeck

People are all raised differently. What makes sense to one will make no sense to another. Never assume what makes perfect sense to you will make perfect sense to everyone else.

Actually, a simple way to encourage people to make the bed is to teach them how to make it before they get out of bed. Scoot to one side of the bed, and place your hand over your belly and onto the bed at your side. While holding the blanket and sheets down, use your other hand to pull back what remains on the other side of your hand. Throw the blankets/sheets back across the bed, and they will lay down flat. Next, place your other hand where your first hand was and slide out the side of the bed. Straighten the little bit from getting out, and the bed is made. This works well, if you make sure to use hospital corners at the foot of the bed after laundering your sheets/blankets.

[MTC29]

If he's in your age range then he won't change; those patterns are locked in. Imagining that you can change him, either by pleading or nagging, will only lead to anger and frustration... for both of you.

[Dream-er679]

Thanks for your advice!

[kylee2437]

So you complain about how terrible he is, but you haven’t left. It’s less than likely you are going to make changes to your life that will help you not whine anymore whether that be leaving him or conversing with him - no offense. Why am I saying this? Because you want to complain to strangers instead of voicing your issues to him personally. That’s a first sign that more than likely you aren’t leaving a relationship that is making you miserable.

[Dream-er679]

I am voicing my concerns to get a variety of advice (what this website is for). Leaving someone is a big decision, and I’m sure you know no issue is black and white. I appreciate your feedback though, I should go talk to him. But he, like every dispute we have, has gone quiet on me and not tried to resolve it.

[kylee2437]

@Dream-er679 you are right, leaving someone is a big decision but what good is it staying with someone that doesn’t want to hear out your issues /doesn’t want to solve anything? These are pretty big issues and I assure you, if you can’t leave someone for the issues you have presented, you just need to come to terms that you don’t really mind how someone treats you at the end of the day. This isn’t a “he ate my last bit of ice cream, how rude” kind of argument.

[Dream-er679]

Do you think the arguments above are a good enough reason to leave someone? We’ve been together for four years so I feel like every little thing he does that perhaps wouldn’t have annoyed me three years ago, really irritates me now. Because even though I've told him these things bother me he still does them. I get forgetting to make the bed once or twice but when I've been out all day at the office and he’s been home… like really? These kinda things make me less and less attracted to him, thats why I find it so annoying. And I suppose I haven't done ‘anything’ about these behaviours yet because I only discovered them after we moved in together 18 months ago… we defo have argued a lot more since living together full time.

[kylee2437]

The big issue I am seeing here is he isn’t willing to hear you out and solve issues when you need to be heard and have an issue. That means he isn’t willing to compromise. That’s a pretty big issue right there

[Guy13]

YOu should get used to that because after you marry it is not going to change :-)

[Dream-er679]

That’s what scares me

[Guy13]

And, he's to leave his crusty jeans.. with the socks still stuck in bottom on the floor on his side of bed... Shower before bed... you kidding me ;-)

[Chazmatazz269]

Do him a favor and leave. You’re a jerk and he deserves better.

[Dream-er679]

Wow. I guess you’re one of ‘those’ guys.

[Wade12345]

Dump your boyfriend and date me.

[Dream-er679]

😂 haha nice advice

[CubaPirate]

Bye bye 👋 boyfriend is my advice

[Dream-er679]

Haha really?