Is preserving the romance in a relationship less crucial than being friends with your S/O so that you may remain close friends in your commitment?

[sheildagent]

I recently got into an argument with a friend over the importance of maintaining passion in a relationship for a long, fulfilling marriage. But according to my friend, it's more crucial to find a best friend than a lover since relationships end and it's necessary to have a friend by your side to raise your children and go forward in life. I believe it is important to have both a lover and a best friend in your S/O. I'm interested to know your opinions?

[kylee2437]

I think you are both right. I think it’s important to find someone that is a friend to you first - but also they do need passion. For example I have female friends that don’t put in as much effort as others. You need them to be a friend first and then the passion comes second. Is the friendship so powerful to the point where passion comes into play and they start doing things for you like buying your favorite drink or food from the grocery store because they think about you while doing their daily routine. Passion can come in platonic friendships too. I have a better friendship with my friends that are more passionate towards me.

[caring__1]

Healthiest relationships tend to be balanced. Putting all your energy in one direction implies other directions are irrelevant. I'm not saying you can't have a healthy relationship with no romance, but this is something for the couple to discuss and determine together. There's no one-size-fits-all approach that works with all relationships. You will choose a partner based on what works for you, and your friend will choose a partner based on what works for her.

[Anonymous]

I can see both sides.

Best friends accounts for a lot because marriage and kids are not free or easy. You'll need to cooperate and tolerate effectively.

But this is the most intimate, enduring, and close relationship you will have. For me, it needs to reflect that in terms of romance and intimacy.

Otherwise you're just housemates and the relationship is workable but compromised and maybe one of you will look elsewhere to fill a gap.