What is more important to maintain in a relationship: love or compatibility?

[Anonymous]

My partner and I have been together for almost 4 years but we are incompatible but love each other so much. Sometimes I find myself unhappy and wonder if I should break up even though I love him.

Love is more important

Compatibility is more important

Results?

[Rosexøxø]

Love. Compatibility is if you want easy.

compatibility doesn’t mean you’ll be attracted to them and such.

Love means we always try to make it right, and at the same time while knowing the other is not trying to take advantage of us or her us, that they’re just being themselves. Usually they being themselves doesn’t hurt us..

If they aren’t into touching or cuddling- what’s wrong with them? Lol maybe they have a reason but it sums down to they don’t love you enough. Vice versa applies.

Love is selfless… it’s sacrificial. Passionate. Understanding. It observes. It’s every GOOD THING.

As the Bible puts it anyways.

I uphold and believe that.

My sister was my best friend. I loved her. We weren’t similar but we got along. We looked out for each other.
My grandma and I had a bumpy start to knowing each other. She was feisty. I LOVEDD hearing her talk on no end. Story after story and her spiritual criticism or queries of other people. I loved her prudence. We were different. Especially so I’m wisdom. Yet I loved her with all my heart and let her be.

Loving means you can be different.

Love works it out.

Not many have a real sound defined love. 🤷‍♀️

Even now, I don’t meet a lot of people, that I can live in their differences because they don’t show love even in courtesy back. They also are sometimes directly and unintentionally? Hurtful.

Best to you. Be honest if you don’t love him and vice versa.

If you’re married consider if it was the wrong decision. No one should live a whole life unhappy. Missing out on the people who’d love them for them.

[Rosexøxø]

Okay I did NOT check my grammar or punctuation-
AND I APOLOGIZE lol

If you say you both love each other. Then you’ll be happy most of the time.

Consider if that’s enough for you or if you are someone who VALUES compatibility.

Just Compatibility itself will have limits.

If you mean realistically- compatibility and love can be ideal and more better.

I don't know if that’s possible to find. If you do please let me know. 🙌✨

[Rosexøxø]

Voted love

[Datboi65]

You said "if you want it easy" like that's a bad thing. Why do people like overcomplicating things? Life doesn't have to be harder than what it is. If you have compatibility, the love will grow naturally within time. If you only have "love" and have zero in common, it just won't work. There are cultures with arranged marriages that last forever, and then there are cultures where people date for 10 years before they get engaged, and then get divorced within 2 years after marriage. The whole "love" thing is for people who are in denial and don't want to accept that they are missing something, so they tell that to themselves to make them feel better.

Also, if "love" is a reason to get married then it's also a reason to get divorced. Imagine a perfect family with a stable income, beautiful children and a healthy environment that is torn apart not because the parents have any marital issues like cheating, abuse or financial mismanagement but rather because of the good 'ol "we lost that spark" excuse. Just think of how ridiculous that is.

[Sweetener_]

Love. Many people divorce after getting married because there's no "spark" or "compatibility". But being in a relationship is much more than that, when people leave relationships because the spark/compatibility is gone it makes me think that the people were both in a relationship because of selfish reasons, because of what they both could get from each other. So when you build a relationship with the foundation being compatibility it'll fall. But when you build your relationship with the foundation being God and then love the relationship will be stronger and much harder to break. Even if the fire in the relationship is gone, love is what will make you want to have the desire to start things over with your partner and bring back that spark or compatibility in the relationship.

[TheSpaceGnome]

1. People only love someone or something if they are compatible with them/it, love is the admiration and appreciation of that which brings you joy. So love is just awareness of compatibility.

2. The "spark" is a myth. its a thing people say exists because they get all excited in the begining over a fake or imaginary version of a person. If you love the real version of them do to true compatibility, that never fades, it's as permanent as your DNA.

3. Wanting someone who doesn't like your personality to be with you, is just as selfish as wanting to be with someone you're compatible with, so your "high horse" is imaginary.

3. God isn't real, in fact all religions are fake.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Last one was supposed to be 4*, forgot to edit it when adding a new 3, oops.

[Sweetener_]

Your definition of love is very synthetic. I prefer the way the Bible puts it.

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (ESV) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

Love is not awareness of compatibility, you can be aware of compatibility and still not love the person.

Love is a feeling of deep affection, it is sacrificial and biblically, love has a much deeper and richer meaning, it transcends a feeling or emotion. This is what we see in 1 Corinthians 13 it tell us that love isn’t merely a feeling but a way of relating to others.

The spark is not just a myth because believe it or not these are things that happen in relationships and still continue to happen. Your definition of losing the spark is very accurate too because people tend to fall in love with the person they represented in their head which is not ok. But sometimes even if you love someone the spark might leave, but it's the love that brings that spark back up.

[Sweetener_]

And just in case we both have two different definition of losing the spark... for me, losing the spark means that the couple is missing the initial feeling of infatuation or that the long term commitment has become challenging.
It's when the couple starts wondering how to keep the relationship alive and that's when compatibility is not enough to keep it alive.

And I'm not on any high horse, I'm not saying to be with someone that is not compatible with you or to be with someone you don't like personally, that would be ridiculous. All I'm saying is that sometimes compatibility dies out, and people can change, and this happens a lot in relationships, but what can keep the relationship going is love.

God is real, and if you have a problem with me including God in my speech then you can keep scrolling. We can have a normal debate or conversation withouth you diminishing my beliefs or religion.

[TheSpaceGnome]

As with pretty much everything else in the bible, that definition of love makes no sense, and contradicts itself. If you hope all things, you hope for everything negative too, which is hate, not love.

Love is not sacrificial, love is protective and considerate, and anything worth loving does not desire your sacrifices. Love also does not transcend emotions, thoughts, or physical feelings, nor are those worth discarding as trivial.

Love IS awareness of compatibility. You only feel an affection for things that bring you joy, and for something to bring you joy, is to be compatible with it.

This can be as distant as sunshine from the sun, or as close as a sexual partner, but in all cases, its admiration and appreciation of something or someone that is compatible with your happiness.

If you do not love the person, then your "awareness" of compatibility is false. (love and commitment are not the same thing by the way, you can love something and not tie it to you, nor abandon a previous tie for it's sake).

Think about how people use the word love:
I love my wife.
I love pizza.
I love video games.
I love this song.
I love this book.
I love these clothes.
I love this car.
I love this town.
I love my cat.
etc.

It is always talking about admiring/appreciating what something is or does to make your life better.
it's not a "synthetic" definition, it's a literal one. Are you making sacrifices for pizza? Or a book? No.

You can love anything that brings you a positive experience.

Even love in the form of generosity is still self fullfilling, because no one is compassionate/selfless unless it pleases themselves to make other's happy.

The spark does not exist,

Stop reading religious nonsense and think for yourself.

[TheSpaceGnome]

The reason the spark does not exist, is because if you lose interest in continuing the relatioship, then it started off based on a false idea of the person you are with, so the version that gave you a temporary infatuation (ie a spark), isn't real, instead, the one you became disappoined in is real.

Lasting relationships aren't formed with "sparks", they are "fusion reactors", they burn on and on and on until their fuel is gone (the fuel being the people, so it's a death analogy). compatibilit creates that "fusion reaction", and noticing it is what love is.

[Datboi65]

Love means nothing. It's a feeling that comes and goes. Compatibility is more important.

You need to be compatible in your values and in your future plan. If your partner wants to get married soon and you want to wait, then it won't work. If your partner wants many kids and you don't, it won't won't work either. If you have different boundaries for what's considered cheating, then that relationship won't go anywhere serious.

I believe in compromise, but compromise can be established ONLY after you have created a solid foundation which comes from a high level of compatibility. If you have nothing in common but "love" each other, you will end up being the toxic on-and-off couple.

[Datboi65]

Also for the future, do not wait for years until you decide you are incompatible with someone. You can usually tell early on in the first few months if you vet them well. The worst thing you can do to someone is waste their time and make them by you a ring and propose, only to cancel the wedding after 6 years of dating because you don't see it going anywhere.

I'm saying this because you're been with the guy for 4 years and you didn't know any better. Now that you are made aware of this, try to not do it in the future.

[Asker]

Yeah for sure. I just keep ignoring what I want in hopes that we can work things out and learn to accept our different values but it’s definitely draining me now. My needs aren’t meant and I don’t think I can do this any longer. It’s just that when we are together, I still feel this strong love for him as a person bc we get along and enjoy being in each other’s presence.

[Guy13]

You may love someone and they may not love you back (FriendZone) and likewise you may be compatible with another in the absence of love (Friend).

Compatibility can foster Love but Love does not necessarily mean Compatibility, therefore, one’s preferences, ideas, habits, values, communication style, etc can destroy and terminate love.
That being said, our differences may also be compatible if our relationship is emotionally stable and assured by the other party.

Ultimately, Worldview and being equally yoked is the most important factor in Relationship.

[OlderAndWiser]

What's more important in a cake: flour or sugar?

[Mybeachlife8888]

Trick question…..

Compatibility is necessary for love….. (not for lust).

If you must get more of an answer out of me then compatibility can only mean so much, but love conquers all. The answer is obviously love, but compatibility has to be there for love anyway.

[Rosexøxø]

Agreed

[Miristheiss]

Lust and communication.

Love? That should be a given. Love can be very low key and mild. You want to try and maintain that passion and lust for each other.

Good, open, honest, understanding communication is vital.

Compatibility? You should have already worked that out before you two decided to become a couple.

[sunkissedwolfe]

We want love to be enough but it's not. It takes more than that to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Think of it this way, when you envision being with him for the rest of your life, are you at peace?

[Asker]

My mindset back then was that love conquers all. Even if we have different interests, as long as we love each other then we will be fine. Crazy how it feels different after being together for so long. Not feeling fully satisfied and everything sucks. Wished I didn’t drag this relationship on for so long

[Paulalove98]

I feel like both because In order to grow together and build the foundation of love you should be compatible with one another, otherwise if there’s too many differences you’ll just clash with each other and so on.

[Haha456]

an incompatible relationship with love basically means you're willing to put up with a volatile unstable relationship. Compatibility is one of the basics to a happy relationship.

[LiamJHayden]

Depends upon how love is defined. If love is defined as the "feelings" then compatibility is far more important. If love is defined as the choice to commit to seeking the best for the other, then love is.

[JamesHarrys]

It's not always about lust.

Love is ups and downs. Affinity and compatibility is more stable.

But ultimately, you need both.

[Anonymous]

Love. But love usually springs from shared experiences. So compatibility is kind of essential for love. If you have a partner that is less uptight though the more potential for compatibility there is.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Thats the same thing.

You are only going to love a person you are compatible with.

[Crankor]

Love is usually dependent on compatibility. It's common for people to confuse being comfortable together as being "love"

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by Compatible? That shouldn't matter if you love each other

[Asker]

Different sex drives, different financial goals, different hobbies etc

[Asker]

I used to think love matters more but after almost 4 years together, things are getting complicated

[Rosexøxø]

Yeah life partners should be compatible if they both have clear dreams. Otherwise one will have to deny their life to help build the life of the other partner.

You want both people to win.

[Rosexøxø]

I don't know it just doesn’t seem like love can be applied there. The sacrifice would be a deep love but it would be costly. I don't know if you both want to make that decision

[KathrynTaylor]

A bit of both.

[Drumlin2001]

In what ways are you not compatible?

[Rosexøxø]

Good question

[serious]

High compatibility is important

[Wise4myage]

Both love and compatibility are important.

[Heterosketero]

Love is compatibility.

[CoolCatMar1]

Compatibility

[Anonymous]

Depends on what the incompatibility is about.

[Asker]

Sex, financial stability, hobbies

[Rosexøxø]

Comparability should be like seeing eye to eye and if you aren’t doing that a lot is that really love?

[TJ1892]

Always love and more importantly LOYALTY.

[thegreenyogi]

Both.

[Guardian45]

Agreed.

[wannabeCuck]

Communication trust.

[Anonymous]

Good sex