I truly cannot stand living in this house with my husband's dog anymore and I don't know what to do?

[Anonymous]

My husband was dead set on hating dogs up until a year ago when he started harping on me to get a dog. We have been together since our teen years and this came out of the blue. I never wanted a dog. I don't have the time or mental capacity for one, as we have 3 kids as well. But regardless, he got the dog. Didn't do a wink of research on the breed and ends up bringing home a high energy, anxious breed (Corgi Heeler). He immediately developed an extremely unhealthy relationship with the animal and refuses to train her out of certain things (like jumping on people- including random strangers) because he truly just thinks she is so cute that no one will mind when they truly do. He brings her everywhere with us, including places she is NOT allowed (beaches with strict no dogs allowed policy) and almost always ruins our trips with the kids because he insists on bringing her because he thinks it's unfair to leave the dog home alone. If him and I finally get a kid free night and decide to go out, he brings the dog and leaves her in the car with it running for AC and goes out multiple times to let her out and play with her in the parking lot.

Well recently he got a new job with longer hours so now the responsibility of this animal falls 100% on my shoulders. So I'm working from home, taking care of the chores and kids and now this dog as well. I do all the heavy lifting of the household while he just gets to come home and be the fun one and get everyone wound up after I've been the one dealing with it all day. Well recently his dog has started nipping anyone EXCEPT him that goes near her cage. Me and all 3 of the kids have been nipped at least twice. She doesn't listen for shit. I've tried training her and he destroys all my efforts the second he walks through the door. I've spoken to him about it several times and he is super dismissive, saying she is "just a baby" or that I am "so mean for no reason". I don't know what to do here.

[quaranta]

There are multiple wrong things you're reporting here. First of all, a dog in a cage? And are you surprised the dog bites? Dogs need emotional attachment and feel their family as their real real family. If you don't treat the dog like a family component, the dog will understand that and will feel rejected. Dogs don't bite out of the blue "because they are dogs", if they do that it means there is something wrong in how you're doing with them (I worked in a dogs shelter and had dogs). They do that because they learnt there is a threat around them.
Probably you're educating the dog with punishments and you consider it a "training", but that's really not how it works, it's just really like with kids: if you educate a kids with punishments instead of with rewards, the kid will grow up with a messed up mindset, more oriented to crime and to apply punishments too, when adult. Same is dogs. All, literally all, the dangerous dogs I've seen in my whole life, were like that because mistreated when young. Humans are the same, there is no escape from that.
It's clear you're not perceiving the dog in a healthy way because you even complain your husband doesn't want to leave the dog alone for vacations, as if it's something wrong. Imagine leaving a kid at home alone. The dog feels abandoned and rejected the same and will remember that until you make up to repair the offence.
Pets are a big responsibility. If you can't hold the responsibility, you should never take a pet.
Your husband shouldn't have taken a dog regardless because if you have young kids they might annoy the dog or do something dangerous because they mean it like a toy, and beside being dangerous for the dog it will turn dangerous for the kids too in return, of course.
So I think given your worrying mindset about how to treat a dog and how the relation with the dog got of course deteriorating as a consequence, and you still don't want any dog after you had time to socialize with it, well, I think your husband should protect the dog and its mental health by giving it back or finding a new owner by himself, hoping it will go well and the dog will slowly adapt to the abrupt change of family, who should be more prepared for a pet this time...
I don't know in the US but in my country you can't get a dog from a shelter, an association or a breeding center without filling up a paper with requirements and withough having operators checking how you're going to equip yourself and your house for that. They don't give you any pet if you're not eligible, and there are obvious reasons for that...
So, do a favour to this dog and contact a dogs association (you can find them on FB) or a dog shelter who you're sure treats the dogs correctly, and ask them to help you finding a new owner. They will put ads on their sites and spread the word on Facebook, while you should do the same in dogs groups. You can invent a story about incompatibility with kids and schedules.

[Asker]

I'm not even going to read everything you wrote because it's pathetic and assumptions. Never once did I say I leave the dog in the kennel. Literally not once. If we go near her kennel at all, whether she is in it or not, she lunges forward and bites us. She is never locked in that kennel. Literally never.

For two, we don't go on vacations. But if we bring our fucking kids to a restaurant or an amusement park, the dog needs to stay home. But instead he insists on bringing the dog and either getting us kicked out OR leaves me to deal with the 3 young kids by myself for half hour intervals so he can go play with the dog in the parking lot.

As I said, I refuse to read the rest of what you wrote. I don't give two fucks if you have experience with dogs because quite frankly, you sound as uneducated as they come. Dog lover or not, you don't push your family to the side and allow biting or untrained behavior to continue simply because you feel your dog is cute. Your inability to see past your eyelids and immediately jump to the worst of conclusions versus read and take in what I've actually written just proves that your ignorant to the real world and have your blinders on because of your one track mind. Bye.

[quaranta]

No, it's you getting offended because I hit the nerve on the spot, regardless from shades of the word "trip" or insights about the "cage" you didn't provide, and you wouldn't be this triggered otherwise.
The proof the dog is not being treated correctly is that the dog bites, what else do you need to see that? There is no excuse for this that saves your figure. Even worse if the dog is never locked in the kennel but needs to protect her territory, why do you think she is doing that, but doesn't with your husband? Do dogs randomly go crazy and bite by default, in your opinion, because "nature", without a strong cause that comes from the treatment they get? Could you really, seriously, rationally and culturally believe something this absurd, while being 25-29 and in 2022?
Give the dog to someone adequate immediately, you can't understand the basics of how a pet works and it can only go worse for the dog itself and you/kids. If you can't perceive the dog like a family member, then don't even waste time with educators or stuff because the problem will come back again. Educators are for when you get a dog from a shelter or street, who wasn't treated correctly in the past or who suffered in the shelter. If this is a puppy and you need an educator it means you fail the requirements regardless. Give, the dog, away, as soon as possible, to an association of volunteers.

[Anonymous]

I think you best option is to take control of the dog situation and start training and raising it as yours. As he is at work most of the day you can have this opportunity. There is no easy way out it seems and that the only way is to work very hard to try and reach a point of stability with the dog.

It sounds like he is having a phase or mid life crisis thing going on, so maybe just try to ride through it

[Asker]

I've been trying to train her. Especially with the biting and jumping on people but as soon as he walks through that door, he fucks it all up. Like the other day she bit our 6yo and he pointed at her, said no, and then snuggled with her on the couch. So she is learning absolutely nothing. She doesn't know right from wrong because he rewards her bad behaviors when he is home with treats.

[Opinion Owner]

damn... its time to get everyone together family, friends EVERYONE and have an intervention with him

[DryGermanGuy]

How about getting a dog-sitter to give you some breathing room? Also the dog-sitter could then be the person to take the dog to a professional trainer. 🤔

[Asker]

I've mentioned both a trainer and a sitter and my husband out right refuses. Says it's a waste of money.

[DryGermanGuy]

The man is stubborn as he is ignorant. :-( Is there maybe an older male family member he might listen to? Otherwise I guess you will really have to put your foot down.

[Asker]

Unfortunately not. He has no male influences in his life at all. Only has aunt's and has met his dad maybe a handful of times throughout his life.

[boggboss]

Not much u can do but demend he gets rid of it but not sure how that will go down

[Asker]

Yeah unfortunately I've already done that and he told me he would get rid of her if I felt that strongly about it. That was 6 months ago. Now whenever I bring it up he says he can't get rid of her because she will "be so sad that we abandoned her".

[Gloree]

This message is too long

[Asker]

Cool, leave.

[In_Trance]

move out