Husband doesn't want to let the dog go, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

My husband has a dog he had for 12 years, even before we met. The dog is old and very sick now. The dog is pooping and peeing in the house (that I have to clean up) My husband's dog can't even walk anymore, my husband has to carry her in and out of the house. I'm a stay at home mom and my husband works so I have to clean up the dogs vomit, pee and poop. I have suggested to my husband he put the dog down, but he thinks I'm being cruel and inhumane about it. I think it's cruel to make the dog suffer. What do you think?

Updates

+1 y

My husband's dog just died, while my husband was at work☹️... I had to call my husband and he left work early to get the body and have her creamated.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

It is definitely not cruel to humanely euthanize a suffering and deteriorating animal. I've had to make this decision several times over the years, and it's always better a day too soon than a day too late.

Remind your husband that an animal who is losing its mobility is not living a quality life. They cannot be happy being completely sedentary and having extreme difficulty getting around, as they're meant by nature to be up and moving the majority of the time. They're also mentally wired much differently than humans, so losing their mobility can be extremely stressful for them.

Also, remind him that animals live in the moment and do not have any concept or care about the future. However, they do feel pain and it is better to let them go before the pain becomes worse. It sounds like she's succumbing to age and there is likely nothing that can be done for her, so it's only going to get worse, and it is most definitely inhumane to allow an animal to suffer unnecessarily. An animal doesn't need to be barely clinging to life in order for euthanasia to be the right choice.

Maybe have him discuss this with your vet if he will not listen to you.

I'm sorry that both you and your husband are going through this. I know it's not an easy decision to make, and I know he is having a hard time letting her go. No one wants to make that decision, but it's necessary if they are suffering and their pain cannot be alleviated.

[Anonymous]

My friend had an extremely hard time letting go of her dog which she had had for 10 years and was in almost verbatim the same situation as your husbands dog. It's hard because a dog is basically family and you never want to see them go.

Her brother and I convinced her to have him put down by hiring this amazing service that basically allowed a vet to come in the home, she made the dog extremely comfortable with special soft bedding, and his favorite toys. She essentially held a funeral service for the dog where she and her brother and I shared our favorite memories and really got to say goodbye, and then she put him down, and then took an imprint of his paw for her to keep before we buried him in the yard under his favorite tree. I would encourage you to have your husband really speak to a vet about the dogs condition and how living like he has is really causing him more pain than good and to try to find a similar service like this one which can help your husband find closure. Whatever you do, don't emphasize the work you have to do cleaning up after the dog and such but more that truly you want to not have the dog suffer as he has because that's not good for anyone.

[HungLikeAHorsefly]

When you take on the responsibility of taking care of a pet, you also take on the responsibility of helping them at the end. That could very well mean euthanasia.

It's all about the animal's quality of life. Once that degrades to the point at which they're suffering - whether that means they're in pain or just uncomfortable - then it's time to do something about it. It's your solemn responsibility and one of the greatest demonstrations of love you can make to that animal to do this at the correct time.

So, I'm sorry for your loss and also I agree with you that it should have been done sooner.

[MrHopper]

It was and still is the hardest thing i had to do in my life, and i lost one of my parents.

Its kindness to stop the suffering they have. Make it a beautiful moment, feed them cream cheese and whisper your love as they drift off... if only we could pass on with the ones we love there at the end.

[lumos]

I think it's cruel to prolong the inevitable. The dog would have already naturally died if he wasn't intervening. I understand that it's hard for him since the dog has been with him for 12 years, but he needs to let go. It's clearly suffering. Putting it down would be the humane thing to do.

[Jesse0]

Death is humane? 🤔

[backdoorman]

@Jesse0 Wow, I hope you don't have the same mindset about people

[backdoorman]

@Jesse0 Sorry, that was supposed to be tagged to @lumos

[WrathSin]

She means it's inhumane to make the dog suffer, if you had a family member who you loved dearly go brain dead but life support is keeping them alive, it's usually best to just pull the plug, if you love them don't drag it out, say your goodbyes, and end their suffering I know it's not easy, losing family never is but putting it off will only make it worse, I'm not saying force him I'm saying sit him down and tell him what you're seeing, tell him that you see him making his friend, his family, suffer for no reason and that he has the power to end that suffering

[backdoorman]

@WrathSin There is a reason it is illegal to do to a person what she is suggesting be done with the dog.

[WrathSin]

I know this

[lumos]

@Jesse0 @backdoorman death is humane when you've already lived a long, happy life and you've gotten to the point where you can't even walk and all you're doing is peeing/pooping/vomiting on yourself. It's clearly suffering. Vomiting all the time is extremely damaging to the throat, it wouldn't surprise me if it stops eating soon because of that. It's clearly in pain. Why would you want to keep it alive and in pain when you could let it go and end its suffering? I wouldn't want to see my dog like that. She deserves better than that.
And yes, I'm all for euthanasia in people too. Plenty of people are suffering due to chronic and painful illnesses, and want to end their lives in a dignified/peaceful way. I support that decision.

[lumos]

@WrathSin I agree.

[lumos]

@Jesse0 @backdoorman if you could choose between bleeding to death for several days or having someone inject something in your body that makes you fall asleep and pass away quickly and painlessly, which option would you choose? This dog is clearly dying and at the end of its life, I would say it doesn't have more than a month or two to live. Maybe even less. Why make it suffer?

[lumos]

@Jesse0 @backdoorman also think of it like this: would you rather have your dog die on the floor in the middle of the night when you're not even aware of it or there to say goodbye. Or would you take it to the vet, have it be surrounded by its family, let everyone say their goodbyes and be able to hold it while it passes away peacefully? Y'all sound cruel and selfish.

[backdoorman]

@lumos You just described 90% of the people living in the facility where my grandmother lives. I will let them know how cruel and selfish I'm being by not killing them.

[lumos]

@backdoorman ask them first if they're enjoying living like that and if they'd rather have the choice to pass away peacefully.

[Jesse0]

@lumos
Death is not a peaceful thought. That's terrifying for unbelievers, hell no. Death is the enemy, no thanks

[lumos]

@Jesse0 I'm an atheist and I would rather die and become nothing than suffer in pain for a long time just because someone else doesn't want to see me die.

[Jesse0]

@lumos
This is about a dog right? Yeah I would put a animal down, they don't have souls 😂, but for humans -- nope, endure until the end there's a plan for all.

[lumos]

@Jesse0 why? The outcome is the exact same.

[Jesse0]

@lumos
No the outcomes are not the same, we all have two destinations at the end -- either the wide path which is hell or the narrow path which is heaven.

Jesus didn't die for the dogs, cats, ants or monkeys 🙈. Like I said dear, we all got a plan -- a destiny that should be worth yearning for and not be cut out abruptly by death. Just my beliefs 😁🤷‍♂️

[lumos]

@Jesse0 riiiight...

[Jesse0]

@lumos
What's the disrespect for? Life is too precious to me, to simply be thrown away by decision devalues it all. It's just my belief..

[GirlyLove101]

Coming from someone who works in veterinary medicine, the pet sounds like she needs to be euthanized. It sounds like the dog’s quality of life is poor. I hate to put it this way, but it sounds like the dog is alive for your husband which is unfair because it’s not in the dog’s best interest. If the pet is miserable, has to be carried and urinates/defecates on herself, what kind of life is that for her. I’ve seen people wait the last second to decide to euthanize. It’s horrendous to watch a pet gasp for air and eyes nearly out of their skull because the fear of dying. I’ve seen some pass before the doctor is finished pulling up the euthanasia solution, it’s awful. Trust me, it will kill him to see her like that. All owners who waited regretted it because they let their pet suffer for so long. Euthanasia is sad but it’s also a blessing to know you put that pet out of their suffering, especially if they were at death’s doorstep anyway waiting anxiously and full of fear.

[Goforit1010]

Cruel? Inhumane? Hardly. The dog's quality of life is ended. We put our dog down after she was 15 and started doing the same behavior yours is doing. It's not cruel and inhumane.

Does he have a plan of what to do when he wakes up one day (very soon) and sees the dog dead? Or you come home from work and find the dog has died? It's easier to deal with a dog you put down than finding it dead and its body fluids oozing out into the carpet or floor somewhere.

[Wewladdy]

If he really loves the dog he's in denial about the condition the poor thing's in. A dog who can't go outside or walk around and enjoy life isn't truly living. He's just suffering, his life is just suffering. The good years he had are behind him, and it's normal for your husband to want to hold onto him. But he has to come to terms with the fact that it can't go on like it is. It's more than likely not happy going through what it's going through, and keeping him alive is just making the heartbreak even worse for you two it seems like.

[alc24]

It’s inhumane and cruel to have the dog suffer. I went through the same thing not too long ago with my dog. He couldn’t walk and went pee & poop in the house. We were too heartbroken to keep him living this way so we brought him to the vet to put him down. I would try to convince and comfort your husband and let him know it’s time and it’s the right thing to do.

[StephenCF]

He needs to be put down. The owner is only adding to his & the dog’s misery by letting it wither away 😢 When my dad told me our first dog might need to be put down, I demanded that it happen that day instead of holding onto him for as long as I could, even when I was drowning in tears at such horrible news 🐶 I wanted him to die peacefully before I regretted it & lived with guilt.

Your husband loves his dog I’m sure, but a part of him is selfishly putting his own feelings before the poor canine’s

[StephenCF]

*SHE needs to be put down

[_SOARER_]

I had to put my dog down 2 years ago. It was a hard decision, that i made for my family because they were incapable of letting go.

Your husband needs to man up and put the poor dog out of its misery.

I don't know, what you should do, ask your husbands family to convince him to put the dog down.

[_SOARER_]

Sorry for your loss.
Be supportive and comforting these next few days, God Bless ❤

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think it's way more cruel to let the dog suffer. You can't explain to the dog what is happening like to a human, so they just don't know what's going on and feel in pain needlessly. At least when humans get sick there is an awareness of what is happening, and they can feel comforted by the fact that they will get over the sickness, or that something is being done about it, or just undersanding what's happening is good. Your husband is very selfish, first for making the dog suffer just because he does not realize it's time to let go, and seconldy he knows you are the one who has to put up with the sick dog when he is not at home. Maybe you have to clean even when he is at home. Don't clean up when he's home, let him do it himself and see what you have to do all day. And if he is still stubborn just take it to the vet and let him end the suffering. If the dog is not going to get better there is no need to keep torturing him because your husband has no empathy.

[ShadezMcgee]

I would say if it has gotten to that point and even though it hurts to do, I would put him down. Can't walk, can't control his bowels anymore. Sounds like he is suffering more than anything at this point.

I understand where he is coming from since it's never easy to lose a dog. I lost two in my life and it always hits hard, but there is a limit.

[Justacatlady]

Quality over quantity. If the dog doesn’t have a good quality of life, then what is it living for. Give her a fantastic last day, take her to her favorite place, let her have a cheeseburger then take her to the vet and let her go to sleep forever feeling fully loved

[WrathSin]

YES!

[Justacatlady]

I’m very sorry for you and your husbands lose. At least she’s at peace

[DanOh2018]

Letting go is hard, but he must know that the dog's quality of life must be pretty bad at this point.

It's hard, I had put down my childhood cat who'd been with me twenty years a few months ago. It was heartbreaking but you need to be strong for their sake.

[LoU_Hades]

Start with the sweet pill, he is a great dog owner and the dog HAD a good life with him...
then gave him the bitter pill about MERCY to an animal we love but it suffers and it's time to end the SUFFERING.
He has to accept the thought and your wish by himself. For him it's his best friend and family member. So you have to be a little bit manipulative.

[SenNyanko]

As much as i understand his love for animals, it is better to put the dog down rather than to make the dog live on torturously. If you were in immense pain, at the end of your life, you would rather it just happen then and there to end the pain, because you know it will end regardless, so might as well end it them to stop the pain.

[SongBird3]

The dog came before you, so he's not gonna give up his dog just cuz you dont wanna clean up a few messes. If he’s already old and that means he’s going to die anyways, and ur husband probably just wants to spend as much time with his buddy as possible.
Try to compromise, like have him clean up after the dog more often.

[broncobryan]

Hubby needs to realize how bad off the dog is. Suggest a vet visit to at least get the dog checked out. The vet can be very influential if he believes the dog should be put down.

[Justacatlady]

This is a very good suggestion

[19magic]

Honestly I agree with this it's not just you vs him then and it might help him

[crazy8000]

In some countries must he put the animal to sleep by law if the animal suffers.

Don't mention that since he might refuse to go to the vet then.

[Thatsamazing]

This is a good point.

[Jimmy_Jam]

It's always tough letting go of a great companion dog. You begin to realize that chapter of your life has come to an end. But it's necessary to let go. The dog is clearly at the point of needing to be put down, not walking is a BIG sign of that. While your husband may need some time to process, he also needs to understand that there is no putting off the pain forever, he's simply prolonging it. The fond memories will remain, even when the dog is put to rest.

[SarahsSummer]

The dog doesn't seem to be having much if any quality of life and is only there because your husbands inability to act. I think its an incredibly difficult and yet humane decision to end the suffering of the dog.

[spartan55]

I'm with you. If I were you, I would just take it to the vet while your husband is at work.
On the other hand, from what you describe, that dog may be checking out soon anyway.

[emmily2396]

He is cruel to both you and the dog. Typical case of manipulation, he is the one being selfish, because he won't let the poor animal rest in peace because he is emotionally needing it for the moment. he will have to deal sooner or later with the dog dying. So yes, youare right about ending the animal's misery. He is not even cleaning the mess. He should be willing to do it if the wants to keep this torture.

[Massageman]

Sorry to hear of your loss of a cherished pet. Our dog with Cushing's is requiring carrying and more care in general, but until she is in continuous and obvious pain, she will remain a part of the family.