Husband doesn't want to let the dog go, what should I do?

Question

My husband has a dog he had for 12 years, even before we met. The dog is old and very sick now. The dog is pooping and peeing in the house (that I have to clean up) My husband's dog can't even walk anymore, my husband has to carry her in and out of the house. I'm a stay at home mom and my husband works so I have to clean up the dogs vomit, pee and poop. I have suggested to my husband he put the dog down, but he thinks I'm being cruel and inhumane about it. I think it's cruel to make the dog suffer. What do you think?

aWes0MeNeSs · Accepted Answer

It is definitely not cruel to humanely euthanize a suffering and deteriorating animal. I've had to make this decision several times over the years, and it's always better a day too soon than a day too late.

Remind your husband that an animal who is losing its mobility is not living a quality life. They cannot be happy being completely sedentary and having extreme difficulty getting around, as they're meant by nature to be up and moving the majority of the time. They're also mentally wired much differently than humans, so losing their mobility can be extremely stressful for them.

Also, remind him that animals live in the moment and do not have any concept or care about the future. However, they do feel pain and it is better to let them go before the pain becomes worse. It sounds like she's succumbing to age and there is likely nothing that can be done for her, so it's only going to get worse, and it is most definitely inhumane to allow an animal to suffer unnecessarily. An animal doesn't need to be barely clinging to life in order for euthanasia to be the right choice.

Maybe have him discuss this with your vet if he will not listen to you.

I'm sorry that both you and your husband are going through this. I know it's not an easy decision to make, and I know he is having a hard time letting her go. No one wants to make that decision, but it's necessary if they are suffering and their pain cannot be alleviated.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My friend had an extremely hard time letting go of her dog which she had had for 10 years and was in almost verbatim the same situation as your husbands dog. It's hard because a dog is basically family and you never want to see them go.

Her brother and I convinced her to have him put down by hiring this amazing service that basically allowed a vet to come in the home, she made the dog extremely comfortable with special soft bedding, and his favorite toys. She essentially held a funeral service for the dog where she and her brother and I shared our favorite memories and really got to say goodbye, and then she put him down, and then took an imprint of his paw for her to keep before we buried him in the yard under his favorite tree. I would encourage you to have your husband really speak to a vet about the dogs condition and how living like he has is really causing him more pain than good and to try to find a similar service like this one which can help your husband find closure. Whatever you do, don't emphasize the work you have to do cleaning up after the dog and such but more that truly you want to not have the dog suffer as he has because that's not good for anyone.

HungLikeAHorsefly · Accepted Answer

When you take on the responsibility of taking care of a pet, you also take on the responsibility of helping them at the end. That could very well mean euthanasia.

It's all about the animal's quality of life. Once that degrades to the point at which they're suffering - whether that means they're in pain or just uncomfortable - then it's time to do something about it. It's your solemn responsibility and one of the greatest demonstrations of love you can make to that animal to do this at the correct time.

So, I'm sorry for your loss and also I agree with you that it should have been done sooner.

MrHopper · Accepted Answer

It was and still is the hardest thing i had to do in my life, and i lost one of my parents.

Its kindness to stop the suffering they have. Make it a beautiful moment, feed them cream cheese and whisper your love as they drift off... if only we could pass on with the ones we love there at the end.

lumos · Answer

I think it's cruel to prolong the inevitable. The dog would have already naturally died if he wasn't intervening. I understand that it's hard for him since the dog has been with him for 12 years, but he needs to let go. It's clearly suffering. Putting it down would be the humane thing to do.

GirlyLove101 · Answer

Coming from someone who works in veterinary medicine, the pet sounds like she needs to be euthanized. It sounds like the dog’s quality of life is poor. I hate to put it this way, but it sounds like the dog is alive for your husband which is unfair because it’s not in the dog’s best interest. If the pet is miserable, has to be carried and urinates/defecates on herself, what kind of life is that for her. I’ve seen people wait the last second to decide to euthanize. It’s horrendous to watch a pet gasp for air and eyes nearly out of their skull because the fear of dying. I’ve seen some pass before the doctor is finished pulling up the euthanasia solution, it’s awful. Trust me, it will kill him to see her like that. All owners who waited regretted it because they let their pet suffer for so long. Euthanasia is sad but it’s also a blessing to know you put that pet out of their suffering, especially if they were at death’s doorstep anyway waiting anxiously and full of fear.

Goforit1010 · Answer

Cruel? Inhumane? Hardly. The dog's quality of life is ended. We put our dog down after she was 15 and started doing the same behavior yours is doing. It's not cruel and inhumane.

Does he have a plan of what to do when he wakes up one day (very soon) and sees the dog dead? Or you come home from work and find the dog has died? It's easier to deal with a dog you put down than finding it dead and its body fluids oozing out into the carpet or floor somewhere.

Wewladdy · Answer

If he really loves the dog he's in denial about the condition the poor thing's in. A dog who can't go outside or walk around and enjoy life isn't truly living. He's just suffering, his life is just suffering. The good years he had are behind him, and it's normal for your husband to want to hold onto him. But he has to come to terms with the fact that it can't go on like it is. It's more than likely not happy going through what it's going through, and keeping him alive is just making the heartbreak even worse for you two it seems like.

alc24 · Answer

It’s inhumane and cruel to have the dog suffer. I went through the same thing not too long ago with my dog. He couldn’t walk and went pee & poop in the house. We were too heartbroken to keep him living this way so we brought him to the vet to put him down. I would try to convince and comfort your husband and let him know it’s time and it’s the right thing to do.

StephenCF · Answer

He needs to be put down. The owner is only adding to his & the dog’s misery by letting it wither away 😢 When my dad told me our first dog might need to be put down, I demanded that it happen that day instead of holding onto him for as long as I could, even when I was drowning in tears at such horrible news 🐶 I wanted him to die peacefully before I regretted it & lived with guilt.

Your husband loves his dog I’m sure, but a part of him is selfishly putting his own feelings before the poor canine’s

_SOARER_ · Answer

I had to put my dog down 2 years ago. It was a hard decision, that i made for my family because they were incapable of letting go.

Your husband needs to man up and put the poor dog out of its misery.

I don't know, what you should do, ask your husbands family to convince him to put the dog down.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, I think it's way more cruel to let the dog suffer. You can't explain to the dog what is happening like to a human, so they just don't know what's going on and feel in pain needlessly. At least when humans get sick there is an awareness of what is happening, and they can feel comforted by the fact that they will get over the sickness, or that something is being done about it, or just undersanding what's happening is good. Your husband is very selfish, first for making the dog suffer just because he does not realize it's time to let go, and seconldy he knows you are the one who has to put up with the sick dog when he is not at home. Maybe you have to clean even when he is at home. Don't clean up when he's home, let him do it himself and see what you have to do all day. And if he is still stubborn just take it to the vet and let him end the suffering. If the dog is not going to get better there is no need to keep torturing him because your husband has no empathy.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

I would say if it has gotten to that point and even though it hurts to do, I would put him down. Can't walk, can't control his bowels anymore. Sounds like he is suffering more than anything at this point.

I understand where he is coming from since it's never easy to lose a dog. I lost two in my life and it always hits hard, but there is a limit.

Justacatlady · Answer

Quality over quantity. If the dog doesn’t have a good quality of life, then what is it living for. Give her a fantastic last day, take her to her favorite place, let her have a cheeseburger then take her to the vet and let her go to sleep forever feeling fully loved

DanOh2018 · Answer

Letting go is hard, but he must know that the dog's quality of life must be pretty bad at this point.

It's hard, I had put down my childhood cat who'd been with me twenty years a few months ago. It was heartbreaking but you need to be strong for their sake.

LoU_Hades · Answer

Start with the sweet pill, he is a great dog owner and the dog HAD a good life with him...
then gave him the bitter pill about MERCY to an animal we love but it suffers and it's time to end the SUFFERING.
He has to accept the thought and your wish by himself. For him it's his best friend and family member. So you have to be a little bit manipulative.

SenNyanko · Answer

As much as i understand his love for animals, it is better to put the dog down rather than to make the dog live on torturously. If you were in immense pain, at the end of your life, you would rather it just happen then and there to end the pain, because you know it will end regardless, so might as well end it them to stop the pain.

SongBird3 · Answer

The dog came before you, so he's not gonna give up his dog just cuz you dont wanna clean up a few messes. If he’s already old and that means he’s going to die anyways, and ur husband probably just wants to spend as much time with his buddy as possible.
Try to compromise, like have him clean up after the dog more often.

broncobryan · Answer

Hubby needs to realize how bad off the dog is. Suggest a vet visit to at least get the dog checked out. The vet can be very influential if he believes the dog should be put down.

Jimmy_Jam · Answer

It's always tough letting go of a great companion dog. You begin to realize that chapter of your life has come to an end. But it's necessary to let go. The dog is clearly at the point of needing to be put down, not walking is a BIG sign of that. While your husband may need some time to process, he also needs to understand that there is no putting off the pain forever, he's simply prolonging it. The fond memories will remain, even when the dog is put to rest.

SarahsSummer · Answer

The dog doesn't seem to be having much if any quality of life and is only there because your husbands inability to act. I think its an incredibly difficult and yet humane decision to end the suffering of the dog.

spartan55 · Answer

I'm with you. If I were you, I would just take it to the vet while your husband is at work. On the other hand, from what you describe, that dog may be checking out soon anyway.

emmily2396 · Answer

He is cruel to both you and the dog. Typical case of manipulation, he is the one being selfish, because he won't let the poor animal rest in peace because he is emotionally needing it for the moment. he will have to deal sooner or later with the dog dying. So yes, youare right about ending the animal's misery. He is not even cleaning the mess. He should be willing to do it if the wants to keep this torture.

Massageman · Answer

Sorry to hear of your loss of a cherished pet. Our dog with Cushing's is requiring carrying and more care in general, but until she is in continuous and obvious pain, she will remain a part of the family.

FatherJack · Answer

I have a deep love of animals esp dogs and ferrets / polecats. 12 is geriatric age for a dog , the worst thing about other animals , is their all too short lifespans !! I would have had the dog humanely put down , at least she as at peace now... and has crossed the bridge. She may be playing with my late , beloved ferret , Miss Woolworth , lost to accidental death in July , miss her so much.

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

I had a dog and went through the same exact thing. She It got to that point to where she couldn't walk and was suffering. I think you got to know when to put a dog down after its suffering so much, and things are getting worse and worse for it. I don't think its cruel. I think its showing compassion.

Anonymous · Answer

That is so heartbreaking knowing the poor thing had to suffer so much before her death I think your husband was very selfish and cruel for doing that to her I really hope he thinks twice before getting another dog because having allowed the dog to suffer the way she did he doesn't deserve to own any pets ever

rbsid1616 · Answer

See what I think that in the last stages of any organism he should be treated with care and gentle. For the last 12! Years the dog has served quite wonderfully and now it's his turn do so. He's like a family member and when the life of a family member is at last stages the whole family looks after him. So you should not just put him down but serve him till his last breath.
Thats what i think

Guanfei · Answer

I had to put down my dog a few months ago. I understand why he didn't want to. I delayed it too and until the last moment, I hoped that the vet would tell me he was better than I thought.
It's not your dog, you didn't have the same relationship as him. You were seeing things from the outside. For your husband, it was like putting down a family member, who spent more than a decade with him.

October808 · Answer

Sorry to hear. Losing a long time pet can be devastating. My last pet died in my arms of a heart attack on New Year's Eve 2012.

mayur955 · Answer

U r very cruel.
Assume, you r that dog & lived with someone whom u consider as ur true friend.
After some years someone decides to throw u into the dustbin just because u r sick.
How would u feel?
U can't even take care of ur parents when they get older.
Will u throw them into the dustbin?

hahahmm · Answer

I would’ve shoveled that dog sh*t into his favorite pair of shoes & his favorite pants & left them outside the front door with a note, ‘something for you to clean, dear’

Or just gone go live with friends/relatives.

Anonymous · Answer

Oh man, that's a tough one. I feel your pain because I've been in that situation before... both actually, since he was my dog and I was the one caring for him (and cleaning up after him)

I hate to say it but I would suggest you not push the issue. Your husband is obviously very attached to his dog, and those emotions run very deep. If you force the issue he's likely to resent you for it, and that is not pretty and doesn't go away quickly.

Rob171977 · Answer

Would you want someone to put you down if you couldn't walk or peed or pooped or vomited where you weren't suppose to? That should answer your question

Hai_tis_E · Answer

The humane thing to do is to put the dog to sleep. That is no life for any animal

Lyndsielee666 · Answer

Poor baby. I’m sorry to hear about his passing 😓 shit sucks

FakeName123 · Answer

Incontinence is I think acceptable. Unable to move on it's own isn't. So he definitely was pushing it too far.

But naturally you also don't know the emotional attachment. Maybe the dog got him through some really tough times in the past, etc.

Bananaman177 · Answer

I think you're probably going to end up poisoning the dog.

You probably already looked it up online to see which poison would be best, and now you're reaching out to strangers online for validation before you cross that line.

nerms123 · Answer

I think you are right but you can’t force him and it shouldn’t be long anyway

Charlie_King · Answer

Just strangle the dog one day and play it off like it died on it's own. Or feed it some concentrated plant toxins. Hemlock is a nice peaceful way to go out. 👍

Account · Answer

I really hope you are the woman who keeps trolling with such questions. How can you not understand that it is not that easy to give up on someone that you love, be it animal or human-being.

MegaGrim · Answer

Personally I think it’s cruel to let the dog live if it’s in pain

Thatsamazing · Answer

It is cruel to make the dog suffer. Clearly he is wrestling with it. Just be there for him and take his hand and say "I know talking about your dog and his age is hard for you. I understand. Please just talk to me about it." He'll get the idea.

wondergirl26 · Answer

He needs to realize it time to let go the dog is suffering

Izumiblu · Answer

Take the dog to the vet and ask for the vet to give an opinion centering on the dogs quality of life.

winterfox10 · Answer

I agree with you, but it's not your dog. Rather than asking him to put his dog down; tell him that he needs to be cleaning up the poop, pee, and vomit.

Shutupman · Answer

It's not your dog so you cannot decide wether he gets to live or not. Have you guys taken him to the vet to figure out what's best for him?

Anonymous · Answer

Oh boy, you shouldn't have to deal with the mess the dog makes but it's understandable that he doesn't want to lose the dog, 12 years of a bond is a very long one. Tell him he will have to clean up the dogs mess himself or the dog goes to perhaps a shelter

Anonymous · Answer

The dog should indeed be put down, it's obviously suffering.

Anonymous · Answer

Just so you know, he should have put the do to sleep, so it didn't suffer, and you didn't have to go through all that.

Devasena · Answer

You are being cruel. do we kill people because they're old?

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Don't push it. Suck it up for his sake. Obviously his dog isn't long for this world. Don't give him a reason to resent you.

SexyAshh · Answer

Its extremley cruel and selfish of him. It needs to be put down

Anonymous · Answer

I think you should ask your vet and if your vet agrees with you then you should get them to talk to him, i dont think he can let go.

dudeinohio · Answer

Have the dog put down. It is suffering greatly. It has no quality of life.

KieranByrne · Answer

Why post anonymously? The dog is in clear discomfort, it is best for both the dog and the owner!

Jesse0 · Answer

Just let the dog live the rest of its days, it's not long until it will be just you two.

Nadim171 · Answer

I wouldn't attack you since almost everyone else already did, but that's just wrong. Let the dog live until it dies. It won't last for long anyways.

Anonymous · Answer

As hard as it is, he needs to let go. That poor dog is suffering and is only going to get worse. If he loves the dog he won't let it suffer any more.

heavenz · Answer

It's easier said than done an it's like giving up on him (dog) when it needs him the most.

AngelLily · Answer

I think it's time to set the dog free.

Anonymous · Answer

Hey baby, you ready for viscera, the world's largest love machine?

AuroraRoseat · Answer

I think the dog should be put down.

luvstoned4him · Answer

what about a dog house?

Husband doesn't want to let the dog go, what should I do?

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