My wife hates my dog and wants me to re-home her. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

This is my wife's account but she told me to post to get some feedback. She is convinced she is right. I'm convinced I am.

Neither me or my wife wanted a dog but our oldest son started begging for awhile and her and I made a decision that we would give it a trial run. We had a family member with a litter of pups and she gave us one. The dog is now almost 3. From the beginning she has had behavioral issues. She whines excessively (literally 24/7) but that has gotten better. For the first year she refused to use the bathroom outside at all. It was like she was afraid of grass and dirt. She would just start whining and shaking like a leaf whenever she was brought outside and then would shit indoors the second you brought her in. But again, that has gotten better though she still has accidents at random (which pisses the wife off because sometimes it's right after she's been outside for over a half hour already). She's a super anxious dog as well and she panics if you aren't touching her constantly. Even if she is in her kennel (not locked or anything) she will be staring at you the whole time and either whining or shaking. Every time you get up to move she is immediately chasing after you and this leads to no time alone at all. And to top it off, our son hates the dog. This stems from this was supposed to be his dog but the dog took to me and no one else and won't even hang out with our son. She wants nothing to do with him and he's tired of her behaviors. I've been training her since we got her and she is just now starting to act even remotely trained and will only do things for treats. My wife and son want to re-home the dog because they say that we don't have the resources and it's "negligent" to have her here. They say this because the dog won't even eat unless I am standing by her food dish with her. Wife says that I'm enabling bad behaviors by "allowing" her anxiety to continue (I won't medicate her due to other health issues). I say she's family and she stays.

Get rid of the dog

Keep the dog

Updates

1 y

My wife wants to re-home the dog because the dog has been nipping people. Wife is pregnant and doesn't trust the dog around the baby.

Updates

1 y

Since all of you are so keen on rehoming my wife and kid, simply because they are tired of being bitten by a dog, why don't y'all take the dog off my hands? That way the dog can bite and draw blood your kids face instead of my kid or it can bite that back of your wife's legs instead of my wife. I will be getting rid of the dog and it's you sorry excuses of men's fault. "Get rid of the wife and child and keep the dog". Sorry excuse of people.

[zeitgeist057]

From everything you've written, it sounds like the dog's overall behavior has improved and continues to improve. It also seems like your wife comes on and posts contradictory statements, which confuses things bc we can't tell who is posting what, other than the tone and inference by attitude.

It seems like a burden, but I think the right thing to do is to keep the dog. It's a lesson for you, for your family. Actually multiple lessons. Things like 'we don't just give up when things are difficult' and 'we don't just abandon others when they aren't convenient' and "when we want something 'fun' like a puppy, it pays to do some research first and know what we are getting into'" (because if you researched breeds, training, what it's like to have a dog, &c. before all this, things might have been very different).

I think if you keep the dog, it could take some work but turn into a wonderful part of your family. The thing about the dog only latching to you is about alpha pack status (and no, not the Incel BS stuff, this is actual dog trainer nomenclature. Dogs listen to "the boss" and that leadership can be transferred to others because dogs operate on a hierarchy of who they will listen to and respect.)

There are all kinds of undesirable behaviors dogs can have, and there are all kinds of ways to train them out of them. Just giving up is not the responsible choice here. If you do give up, learn from your mistake, and don't subject any other animals to this BS.

[Asker]

I'm the husband and I've been the only one posting to this comment section/post. My wife hasn't been on here at all since I posted (she was pretty inactive on here in general). The dogs behaviors have gotten better but the biting has become worse. The biting continues almost daily at this point. She has bitten my son in the face and clipped his nose (causing some inside nostril tearing). She has bitten the back of my wife's legs when my wife was vacuuming or doing the dishes. She bit me the other day and growled significantly after I attempted to crate her so my wife, my son and I could go run errands. She has bit my wife and son quite a bit. She's only bit me a few times. Usually it's not enough to draw blood but lately she has been. She's been like this ever since we got her in to training courses, which made her aggression worsen.

[zeitgeist057]

OK it's confusing because now you are saying "the biting has become worse" and four days ago responding to another user you said " When we started specialized training with a professional is when she started nipping people. Since I made the decision to pull her out she hasn't nipped anyone."

Biting is not an acceptable behavior and most dogs won't do it unless they are scared/abused or if they are bred for it like the nipping that heelers to to herd cattle, they can do it to humans. Do you think she's biting from fear or from some other reason like a herding instinct? To bite the back of someone's legs while they are not paying attention to you sounds like herding. What is the breed of the dog?

[Asker]

I absolutely see the confusion. The biting has gotten worse since I posted this. It's like a switch flipped. Had an appointment for her this morning and the vet is saying it's due to pain from Lyme disease?

[zeitgeist057]

oh yeah that makes a lot of sense if the dog is sick, just like a person when we are not feeling well we are going to be more irritable. And if she can't communicate by talking then it's limited ways of expressing her anguish.

[Paul09]

"trail run" ? First mistake! It's not a mattress tat you have 90 days to try it out. It's a commitment, just like you had to commit to each other. A dog is way easier to train and care for than a kid.. Someone isn't doing what they are supposed to do. Either your "friend" doesn't take care if the dogs properly, or you people are too lazy to properly train the dog. You have no excuses, especially with access to YouTube or tiktok. It literally can take 10mins a day. Whatever some one did to that dog, gave it anxiety. Poor pup. Humans suck. Research before you ever get a pet. It's not a toy. It should treated like family. Giving away the dog can make it worse for the puppy. "Why is my family abandoning me?" You need to get through all the hard work and it will pay off. Look up the specific behaviors. So much free information out there. Life is hard, get through it.

[Asker]

The dog was like this before we got her. She has always been very anxious and nippy. I told my wife that I wanted to be the one to train her because she's technically my dog. No one in this house has been abusive toward the dog in any way. Can't speak on what happened prior to getting her however. She has just always been super anxious and has nipped basically everyone at this point. I mean even on the ride home from picking her up originally she whined the whole car ride. I had her in specialized training for almost 10 months and her behaviors worsened and therefore I pulled her out of it. And no, it wasn't a matter of us not following the training because we absolutely did. But being around trainers made her anxiety worse and therefore made her behaviors worse. When we started specialized training with a professional is when she started nipping people. Since I made the decision to pull her out she hasn't nipped anyone.

[Asker]

My wife is just now dead set on rehoming her because no matter what I do, the dogs behaviors continue and we have a baby on the way. My wife doesn't trust the dog.

[Paul09]

Then definitely the breeders fault. They must of have them fight over food and everything. And if your dog was under 2-3 months old when they gave her away, can be part of the problem. You might need to find another trainer or look up other methods. And also if dog is use to having one one at home , and then there's no one home the whole day, they can get very anxious. So seems like you need someone more qualified to help you out. Have you also taken dog to the vet?

[Paul09]

That's understandable. But also failing the poor dog. You know there will be a high chance the dog might be euthanized, right? I would never be able to live with myself. I still think you just need to find the right teacher or techniques to help this poor dog.

[Asker]

We have taken the dog to the vet, yes. They have said there's nothing physically wrong with her outside of a heart murmur, which is why I won't medicate her. They say she's just an anxious dog. She was with the breeder until she was about 7 months old and at that point the breeder (my aunt) said she couldn't handle her anymore. She was my aunt's pick of the litter and she was going to keep her but apparently while in my aunt's care she started biting people and drew blood on an individual.

[TheVigilantFox]

If you new the dog was anxious and you knew your wife didn’t like the dog why get the dog then? It’s just an excuse to get rid of an already vulnerable animal. This is why so many animals die in sheltered because of people like you two. I’m sorry but people like you piss me off.

[Asker]

@TheVigilantFox do you have nothing better to do than jump on everyone else's comment? Go back to your corner instead of picking every fight possible. To be quite frank, I couldn't care less what a "man" of your caliber has to say; just based off you making out like man owns woman.

[zeitgeist057]

"dog was like this before we got her"
also
"a family member with a litter of pups and she gave us one"

So the dog was born to your family member, went to your house, but 'was like this before we got her'? Doesn't sound like the dog had much of a history other than you and your family. I don't know what kind of dog it is, but some breed are higher anxiety than others. But for the most part, training can do a lot.

"definitely the breeders fault": sounds like it was from a family member, no mention of a professional breeder.

All in all, it sounds like you took on a responsibility that hasn't turned out well and now the wife and son are wanting to bail out. It is a bad situation and would be irresponsible to ditch out on the dog because it wasn't given proper training. That's like getting rid of your wife and son because they have anxiety. Family is family, at least in my family.

If your wife does get her way, and you abandon this poor dog, please, please don't go out and get another animal. The lesson is there.

I personally don't think it can be that bad, it sounds like you've had some success with training and getting the dog to stop nipping.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to say this in the nicest way possible, but the problem is you. Your training is not working but you continue to do the same things that yield worse results. You need to take her to someone else outside the home to start your dog off with a baseline training and then involve the whole family. There are ways to break her behaviors, but they involve probably more time than you have right now to dedicate to it because it has to be constant and consistent to yield good results especially given its been going on for so long now. You can't just go, oh well, her whining is annoying so lets give her a treat "this one time," because it adds up and the behaviors will continue. Dogs can also pick up on emotion, and if your son hates the dog, his attitude and the dogs aren't going to improve unless something changes which will involve your son being made to be a part of the training so the dog learns that he is just as important as you in the home. If you truly intend to keep the dog, please seek outside assistance with someone who can humanely attend to your dogs issues. The longer it goes on, the worse it will get without constant and consistent training involving the whole family and with the help of someone who has professional experience with your dogs behaviors.

[Asker]

She was in specialized training for like 10 months and her behaviors grew much worse. She started nipping people when she was in training. All of us and other people, like random strangers. I won't let my wife or son train her, so that might be my fault but I admittedly don't trust them to do a thorough job.

[Opinion Owner]

Trying finding someone else. Your training isn't working and the place you went to wasn't, but just like doctors, just because someone has a title, doesn't mean they are good or suit your needs. Hit up the web, talk to other dog owners and find someone who specializes in what you need AND has a great rep. The point really is you are in a do or die situation where it's change something or it's the dog and if you truly want the dog, as I believe you do, you can't give up at just one place. You need to change how she is being trained or nothing will improve. Period. Stop focusing on what you've tried and has failed and put the focus on what you guys can all do together as a family in the present to help your dog be the best dog she can be for your family as well as get them involved in the training. If the family see that what they do with training is helping, they will be more inspired to want to keep the dog rather than just focusing on the "awful" things she has done or their feelings of being ignored by the dog. Trust that they too can have a say with the dog.

[Account]

There is no such thing as a "trial-run" when it comes to making such decisions.
If someone decides to adopt an animal, they should consider everything that comes with it. When you decide to adopt an animal, the animal should become a part of the family.
I do not understand how people can make such irresponsible and irrational decisions such as deciding to go for a "trial-run".
I hope that if you give away the dog, it goes to a loving family and it heals from the pain of being abandoned.

[Asker]

The dog is biting people. Kids and adults alike. I don't care if she feels abandoned at this point.

[Account]

I am sorry, but that means that you probably haven't trained her well. I raised a dog too. In the beginning it was difficult, but I trained him and now he listens to me. I honestly hope you are not being abusive to her. Please at least find her a nice home

[zeitgeist057]

"The dog is biting people. "
also (contradictory statement)
"Since I made the decision to pull her out she hasn't nipped anyone."

Either the wife and the spouse are both posting or someone can't get the story straight. Either the dog has stopped biting, or is still biting, it can't be both. But if the dog stopped biting/nipping and you don't really care you just want to get rid of it because it's inconvenient or not your preference, then of course you wouldn't care about what's true, only what makes your decision seem justified.

[es20490446e]

- aea365.org/.../

- www.thesprucepets.com/top-causes-of-aggression-in-dogs-1117877

[Pegases]

If you had the dog before your wife, then keep the dog if the dog is important to you. If you got the dog after you married, then its really a toss up. I say make a fun competition of it such as a board game you both are fairly good at, a bet on a football game, or something that makes the odds equal for the both of you. That way none of you have to decide, and fate does. Good Luck.

[Asker]

I got the dog long after I married and she never wanted the dog to begin with. It was for our son originally but the dog hates our son and took to me and me only.

[Pegases]

Gotcha. The fact that the dog came into the picture afterwards changes what's acceptable in my opinion. Most things you do after marriage has to have an element of compromise attached. It can be tough to figure out where that line is though, which is why I suggest allowing fate to decide with some sort of bet, or game. The alternative is you get rid of the dog, because you're the only person the dog likes, and the dog is a burden to everyone else. So you getting rid of the dog actually makes the most sense, but I know what it's like to love a dog so I don't fault you for sticking to your guns. Try fate.

[OfMiceandMen]

I say keep the dog, but you and your wife need training by someone who is familiar with dogs that have anxiety. You may be enabling the dog in the things you are doing. Call around to vets and see if there is someone local that has had/has an anxious dog, they can likely give you some pointers.

[AviatorTom]

The dog has been part of your family for 3 years. Getting rid of her would be making matters worse for her. She would have even more problems with another family, and would most likely end up in a shelter and euthanized. Keep her and have the entire family work together to help her get over her anxieties.

Most dog's anxieties come from the people around them.

[Adam1978]

You are clearly not dog people so I say you gave it a chance and you either picked the wrong type of dog. Get a cat instead less work and as long as you hold and pet it enough it will be a good pet.

[bolverk]

Like it or not you your wife and other members of this dogs 'pack', it is not surprising that it is an anxious dog given the negative reinforcement it is getting from your Wife and Son, you are it only positive pack member it sees, but by the age of 3 it should be fully house trained and follow commands without you having to use treats, I suggest that you find a local dog trainer to guide you through getting your dog fully trained.

As for your wife's fear about not being to be able to trust the dog around the baby she's expecting, that will not be a problem, as the dog will regard the baby as a 'pack member' and the 'nipping' at people is because of it's current anxious state not aggression. In fact your wife will probably find that the dog will be protective of the baby and her if given the chance.

[Asker]

This isn't accurate in the slightest. My wife doesn't give any negative reinforcement to the dog because the dog is constantly with me. My wife and son are never left alone with the dog for any period of time because the dog always wants to be with me/go with me. When she is home with me she is just as bad as she is when she is outside of the home with me. No where in this post did I say my wife or son mistreat the dog.

[bolverk]

i did not say that they mistreated your dog, it is the energy they put out when they are around your dog that is the negative reinforcement I'm referring to, you have to persuade them to be as neutral/calm as possible around the dog.

[TheVigilantFox]

This is what you should do.


Go to a solicitor and talk to them about a divorce, tell this woman that you no longer want her in your life and bin her off.


Dog stays end of wife can do one if she doesn’t like the dog.

[Asker]

My wife wants to re-home the dog because the dog is biting. If the dog weren't biting my wife wouldn't be pushing it. I didn't post here as a bash on my wife question. I'm not getting rid of my wife. I would get rid of the dog ten times over first.

[TheVigilantFox]

If you get rid of the dog then you are just as cruel as her. Be a man and put your foot down and say no I’m keeping the dog, she can’t do a lot of you say no.

[Asker]

We aren't in the 50s anymore bud. She has just as much say, if not more than I do. Rehoming a dog who bites people, including us, is not cruel. I simply didn't want to. But you sitting here and telling me to, what, insert my authority over a woman I do NOT own? God I hope you're single.

[TheVigilantFox]

What has me being with anyone have to do with you being an animal abuser, why not tell the bitch to do one. Fuck me people like you are sick in the head, get an animal and then get rid of it cause you can’t look after it. Why get it then you knew she didn’t like the dog so why get him? Also why pretend to be a girl? You really are a messed up asshole. Guck off. People like you belong in hell.

[zeitgeist057]

calm down son, no one is pretending to be a girl, he said specifically in the post that he's posting on his wife's account, probably because he's not interested in creating one of his own. Pretty transparent, no trickery here.

Also, he's right about the attitude about "put your foot down, tell her who's boss" misogynistic BS. I agree with you it's messed up to take on a dependent like an animal and then abandon it, but that's a different issue entirely.

[noohair]

The dog is probably a nervous wreck because she knows the wife hated her.

[Asker]

Not the case at all. Dog was a nervous wreck well prior to this all, as I state in my post if any of you would take two seconds to properly read. Dog is a biter and always has been. Dog is a nervous wreck and always has been. Y'all are quick to blame women without reading my post at all.

[captain_voidwalker]

You should absolutely rehouse her... your wife I mean. Wives come and go but dogs are forever

[Asker]

The only reason the wife wants to re-home the dog is because the dog has been nipping people and we have a baby on the way. Wife isn't the problem but I'm not willing to let go of the dog either.

[Shy_Steve]

It depends on your feelings toward your Wife and how you would feel without your Dog.

[Anonymous]

i got the best solution to fix this particular problem.. ready.. REHOME YOUR WIFE AND SON and keep the dog

[Asker]

I love how insufferable all you men are on here. I'm not rehoming my wife or child simply because they want me to re-home a dog that bites. I truly hope all you men are single.

[Opinion Owner]

you know what you're right. the dog should keep the house and rehome all three of you's to a homeless shelter

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Keep the dog, leave your wife.

[Texaskid1]

Find a new wife.

[scooogy]

Re-home her. Your wife.

[nawtee_me]

Keep the dog, Get rid of the wife...

[Anonymous]

Keep the dog, get rid of the bitch.

[Anonymous]

Best solution would be to rehome the wife.