Just imagine you are dating this real great guy or girl and the two of you have decided to both buy a house together. But out of the blue you noticed that the person you are in a committed relationship with have decided to moved their family and extended family inside of the house to without your input in the matter. You was thinking that you and your SO would only be the person who be living in the house but you wasn't suspecting that his or her family would also be moving in the house. How would you react with the news?
Believe me girls I love family as much as much as the next person but I wouldn't date a girl who would literally move all of her family in the new house, I would realistically find it as a kick in face knowing that I am sharing my future house with my girl's family so I probably wouldn't be with her in the long run. But what about you men and women could you handle dating someone who brings their entire family to a place you brought with your own money? Remember your significant other isn't letting his or her family pay rent or stuff so basically you will have a bunch of freeloader in the house, would you still love the man or woman?
Could you handle dating someone who brings in their entire family to your place you brought?
The part I have a problem with is the "without your input in the matter". This is something that has to be done with months of planning. Moving, as a single person, isn't just a handful of boxes but also all the furniture you had has to be moved. Now that is multiplied for a family. Where would you put everyone? Do you even have a good relationship with her family? The house, most likely, has less than 5 bedrooms since most people are not planning for a big family and/or are not able to afford it. Expecting your spouse to suddenly shoulder your side of the family plus your future family for no good reason is plain selfishness. If it had happened to me, someone has to start working beside the man and everyone else has to help around the house. otherwise, no, I'd need a good explanation why not.
They're asking too much. At least most people have families who aren't a mess and would probably be willing to help out but if they refuse, that's a pretty big red flag.
As much as I would love him, I wouldn't be able to deal with this situation. It's one thing to have gatherings with his family on special occasions it's another to deal with them everyday at my home without paying rent. If we're together he should let me know that his family is coming, but not to stay of course. This is the type of thing that can cause a break up.
That is rude and disrespectful. There should be a clear communication and mutual understanding as it’s both of your property. And that’s a big NO for me. It’s different if you tell me you want your parents there, we need to set boundaries. I don’t mind helping but yea LEMME KNOW BEFORE YOU DECIDE on your own! We are partners
That is something which should have been discussed in detail before making the decision to purchase a house together (something that I usually recommend against.)
I have the feeling the SO didn't mention her plans and just moved them in. Don't you think? I would never have assumed or thought that family members would move in a house I bought with the OTHER SO. Even if they WERE paying part of the mortgage, who wants to live with people they don't know.
This might have occurred because these two don't know each other that well. The statement was they "were dating and decided to buy a house together." If you know someone long enough, you would know their family situation and their family living habits and this MIGHT have been brought up BEFORE signing the mortgage together.
I don't believe the SO was being underhanded. This was probably her thought all along and she finally had someone to pay half of the bill to move her family in with her. He needs to get out of this emotionally and legally. What a mess.
@letuswaltzforthedead has a great answer that already hit a lot of the points I was going to make. The lack of your input is just so... either entitled or flagrantly ignoring your side of the equation, because you have to live with them too.
Not for nothing, but that's why I'd never buy property with someone that I intended to live in. My ex and I have some rental properties, but the house we lived in was mine alone. She has her house that she can do whatever she wants with. I have mine, that I took her style and concerns into consideration on. If we'd bought a vacation home then I likely would have just let her pay for all of it and then she can do with it how she sees fit. Move the family, a roving band of martians and a baby elephant in there at that point, as long as I get to visit the baby elephant I don't have a dog in that race. First rule of real estate is never buy a house that you NEED someone else's income for. Too high a chance things won't work out and then you're stuck with bills you can't manage. Same as co-signing for a loan.
To me this is like saying, you woke up on a train and found yourself 1,000 miles away from where you wanted to be and then blaming it on the train conductor. When you should have been driving your own car or awake and in charge of where you ended up.
A lot of guys are soft these days because they have listened to the claims that "men and women are the same", "men and women are equal", "marriage is just a piece of paper", "you have to agree with your girlfriend/wife on anything you do".
I never ended up in a situation where in-laws were forced on me because 1.) I bought my house with my own money. 2.) There was zero doubt that I was the King of the castle. Hell, I would & have kicked anybody, including my own relatives out of my house for being azzholes. My house isn't a motel or a homeless camp. And don't get me started on the time an ex friend who nobody heard from in 10 years tried to muscle their way in to a free place to stay. He found out the front doors are locked to uninvited people.
If your girlfriend wants a house, let her buy her own. Some things in life aren't worth sharing. If you're getting married, you share BUT you better be really careful about who you marry.
I totally agree with your stance on this we wouldn't have any space whatsoever. Ideally for me, it'd be me, my wife, and kids. That's the household I want. Not 7 other people to cramp up the space and make life so unenjoyable. Not to mention the lack of privacy and imagine if you get into any sort of fight with your SO or you have a disagreement, it'd be everyone's business and the entire house would be against you in that situation. It's a recipe for disaster lol
Right! I could imagine how fucking annoying it be fighting against other men especially with your SO father who would most likely be a dick. Plus non of the other people aren't even pitching in in terms of paying the house like how would you come and move in another person home and not pitch in at least.
Exactly that's a good point any time you get into an argument better be prepared to be the bad guy, always, plus they'd just be mooching off your income for a free place to stay. The thought disturbs me lmao
You need to sit down with this person and lay down the law. You and she bought this house for the TWO OF YOU. You can't have anyone else living in the house you are paying for and these people HAVE TO EXIT or she has to buy you out of the mortgage RIGHT NOW and the relationship is OVER. (DO NOT GIVE HER THE OPTION OF THEM PAYING "RENT"... It won't happen. Just a lie to buy time.)
I expect this was her plan all along and she fooled you into this. Get a lawyer and get out of this mortgage or you will be stuck with her freeloading family forever.
Sounds like Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown drama. Freeloaders everywhere and no one even noticing or caring. She's suckered you. GET A LAWYER and a therapist too.
I'd be kinda pissed she just decided to do that. I'd definitely have to talk to her about that lol.
But as long as they're there for a half good reason and we can come up with some rules of the house (like never disturb me when I'm eating... Seriously, ever) I'm sure it wouldn't be so bad. It could be like a sitcom.
I've thought about what it would be like to do something like that. I would just be concerned she never talked about something so big first. But we're supposed to be a unit and so if it happened out of necessity, I wouldn't hold it against her.
Can't be mad at someone for doing what they think is right.
There are several parts of this question that need to be unpacked. First, one person made a decision about a mutual investment ( a home ) without consulting their partner. That is offensive and denigrating and disrespectful whether a man does it to a woman or woman does it to a man. Relationships must have mutual respect. Second, depending on what country you are from, multigenerational families in a single house are common and "normal." I think that if you both had participated in the process of deciding this, it might be better. Finally, you may need to make changes in your home to accommodate the addition of parents. It might be expanding the house with an addition or building an in-law suite with a bath and kitchen. I know families with four generations on the same property but the house has four bedrooms and three baths and the great grandmother has her own small house next to the main house.
I've never ever seen anything like it in real life... lol
sure, there has been instances in which family moves in, but that is usually because of very specific and known circumstances... is not like it happens out of nowhere, for no reason and with absolutely no notice at all... lol
so, to me personally... I would just offer them another of my properties as a temporary solution, and they will find all their belongings over there by the next morning, lol
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
1 y
nope. definitely not okay. they are welcome to visit from time to time but living with us without asking your partner if it's okay, then that's a huge red flag. I'm a family person, most of my salary actually goes to my family (mother, brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews) I love them and would do anything for them, but I still want to have my own life and maybe someday have my own family but you gotta have limitations about things with your extended family, and I'm glad my family respects the privacy I need.
I think doing that without talking to your S. O first is rather rude and they should have an input on the matter. It can be very awkward and confrontational living with different family members cause they may have different home living standards. Plus you'll never truly be alone together if his or her family are constantly there. Personally I don't think I would like it.
Absolutely not. Both myself and my partner have deliberately moved as far away as possible so as to make visits from family difficult, if not impossible.
If they lived closer they'd be around so much they'd practically have moved in anyway. As it is we see them twice a year and that's more than enough lol
Something would be seriously wrong with her if she didn't take my opinion into consideration. I don't mind boarding up a family member that is in need for a period of time if the room is available and they are well behaved until they turn things around, but to move an entire extended family into the home and especially without prior discussion is just nuts.
It would be a very disrespectful thing to try and do. Fortunately with them just buying the home there won't be much asset to split as the former loving couple goes separate ways.
Noooo that cannot happen. You need to have a chat if that is what has happened to you. I know my partners family have asked us to move in with them whilst we save but I said no. Now turns out they need extra money to pay their mortgage. They were basically gonna trap us there. One of the best calls I ever made 😆
That would have to be agreed upon before we buy the house and those motherfuckers would have to pay their fair share of the bills. If they just moved them in without asking me, I would leave and make them buy me out. But I wouldn't be in a relationship with such an inconsiderate dumb ass in the first place, and I wouldn't buy a house with a woman who was not my wife.
No. I have no problem if certain family members spend some time there, but not permanently. My girlfriend's nieces and nephews occasionally spend up to a week at her parents house. That's okay, because it isn't that isn't too long and it happens a few times a year.
I don't see anything wrong. I am a Christian I is nic eto share. Plus an Empty house is a sad house. We can create good memories together. I have no problem.
Nope! It’s bad enough meeting a woman who wants to free load off you, but her entire family is a NO! Also, the respect and trust level is nonexistent! End the relationship and do whatever you can to get your name off the house.
Most Helpful Opinions