How do I encourage him to be romantic without making it sound like I'm scolding him?

[squigglyfish]

Hi, I've been dating my boyfriend for the past year and things have been great. We are both somewhat the opposite of our ex's which was super refreshing when starting our relationship. Before my relationship I often felt like I missed out on a lot of things therefore i took initiative to plan fun experiences to enjoy when i met my significant other. Honestly I used to like planning, It was a fun hobby for me to make lists and itineraries cause I had something to look forward to. My boyfriend gave me a lot of freedom in our relationship, he let's me make the plans when we are going on dates. In the beginning I enjoyed that he went along with my plans and enjoyed doing the things I arranged for us. We both would split bills or sponsor a date every once in a while... so money isn't an issue here. What's been bothering me is, I've done the planning for so long for this man I love, I thought as hard as I could for things we would both enjoy but he doesn't make the same effort as me. Honestly if I don't bring up ' going on a date' he would never suggest it. I've been craving my partner to be more spontaneous and romantic lately, I want to be swept off of my feet and I want to feel the effort behind his actions. Don't get me wrong, he is overall a great boyfriend, he listens to me rant, holds me when I'm sad, cooks meals for me with a smile and I enjoy intimate moments with him. He's great at the bare minimum and a little extra but he's not romantic. I've tried to subtly show him the things I want to experience but he goes on to say... videos of guys surprising there gfs with flowers and lovely dinner dates are unrealistic and fake! Who says that? It makes me a bit anxious for our future, if I don't schedule our next date we'll never ever go on one. It's sweet he thinks spending time with me in general is us 'dating' but seriously 😐 how is us setting on your couch in your apartment watching Netflix a date. Sigh, I'm unsure how to approach this. Help

[Circlesgames]

Well, dear sis, first thing at times I find it annoying is sending me a post you see online, especially when it's a relationship thing of a guy and a girl on camera, that's obvious fake, just for the show it does not mean they are not like that, they could be that romantic and want to show the world how to love, but comparison in a relationship is never a good way to talk things, even till date my girlfriend still does this lol, this days I just ask her for what she intended the post she is showing me for, we start the conversation there so I don't just conclude, enough about mine.

It's yours... Talk with him personally, tell him you need to be loved (be sad, and clingy, cute if possible) don't be violent, compliment his actions for you then ask him for some more, that's a trick you can use on anyone,

The issue of your boyfriend as you said his not cheating and all, is that his not a beliver of all those kind of love, he might be dominant maybe if not then it's either he did not get much love experience when growing up,

Try a heart conversation, do romantic things for him in return say to him emotionally how you want to be in his care like this, it's not bad to say pls don't feel big, his not being proud himself he might just not know how to and might be shy to admit it,

By nature everyone shows love how they belive love is to be shown, he hugs u when sad, listen to your rant... I mean he pretty much knows so much, but please social media will be the end of many relationships, stop the comparison, if you still want to show him examples, send a post with a please, this is vice versa, baby please can we try this or so, don't just dump a post in your boyfriend dm and wait for his reply that's like saying ooh u see, this is love, this is a man, see he cares but you don't care bla bla bla.

Create your own fun stuffs, tho sharing don't have 10 heads to be able to think of something that they enjoyed doing and then shared to you, if your think of it, it's not even original as your doing what someone else has done in your relationship

[caring__1]

I don't care how much you want your cat to bark, it is unlikely to happen. What we see is what we get. You like certain qualities of his, yet you feel he should have more to offer. I'm sure you want him to accept you as you are and not for what he sees as your potential, yet you feel entitled to more.

Encouraging him to change will just come across as criticism for not measuring up. If you don't like the total package, trade him in on a new model. If you want to influence him without expecting change, then focus on what you appreciate rather than your sense of entitlement. Whatever direction you focus is the direction you'll go. If you're critical of negative, you'll get more negative. If you're appreciative of positive, you'll get more positive. It's OK to show appreciation for what he does, while not constantly pointing out how he doesn't measure up in other areas. You can give him examples of experiences you had that were meaningful to you, explaining what made them meaningful to you. You can watch movies together that show examples of what you appreciate. Just make sure they are subtleties rather than extremes (which he'll probably minimize as fake). After watching the movie, discuss the scenes that were meaningful to you, focusing on what made them meaningful. By understanding you better, he may fine tune his behaviors. If you prefer to criticize, he'll just become more resistant to change and less likely to take your feelings into consideration.

[DizzyDesii]

Call him out and dump him if he dont get it together. Cause hoes these days wanna play

[Anonymous]

You sound like total opposites. This will probably not end well.

[spartan55]

So, you haven't actually discussed this with him? Just used female codespeak hinting crap?

[squigglyfish]

I tried once or twice, the first time we were going on a date I planned and I started discussing maybe we should take turns planning dates and that's when he mentioned, us spending time together in his apartment is us ' dating.' I tried explaining, my point of view after but I didn't prepare to have the conversation and eventually couldn't explain why it was important to me. He was a bit ignorant to what I was saying and I got frustrated just ending the conversation there.

[spartan55]

Yeah, that message definitely didn't. Guys are REALLY dumb about this type of thing. Then when we don't know what the issue is BUT are expected to know... then that's when problems.
I used to tell my ex-wife... just tell me what you fucking want. Then I'd get "It doesn't mean as much if I have to tell you, you should figure it out"... 🙄 Sure thing honey.

[Danny_dan92]

If he doesn’t want to be romantic you either accept it for what it is, or breakup.


You can’t and should not ever force someone to be or do things to make you happy

[Lenell]

Honestly you shouldn't have to. He ahould want to he should really be into romance if thats what you like

[magiusX26]

stop dropping hints and actually say what you mean