I got cheated on. What do I do now?

[Anonymous]

My partner (30yo M) whome I've been with for a little over a year cheated on me. He let me use his phone to make a call and I unfortunately saw some messages. When I confronted him he lied and said it wasn't serial just harmless flirting. Well a week later he's using my phone for GPS and Kent me his so I can play games. She sent him some stuff while I had the phone. I broke down confronted him he lied again. I finally got him to be honest and made him tell her he had a girlfriend. She wasn't happy I don't know anything about their conversation about that besides her being upset. I'm scared he's still talking to her. He said he loves me and we're on vacation in Disney world with family and I feel like shit. I love this man with all my heart I wanna forgive him and fix this but all the trust is completely gone. What do I do? Can we even fix this? Where do we even begin? We both feel like we're walking on eggshells rn. To make it worse he's about to move for work (military) and we're supposed to be long distance for a year. We had plans to meet again in January and June but I'm so lost. What do I do please help 😭

[quaranta]

Your trust is completely gone and this is just normal. He gave you a strong reason to not trust him, and you aren't wrong: a cheater, or a liar, generally doesn't change. They do that because it's in the root of their perception of their value vs the value of the others (lower). They will lie or cheat with their next partner too, at some point, and with you again after a while if you continue with him.
Now the problem is that if you forgive him, while knowing he will do that again sooner or later (at most he'll hide it better), you'd teach him that this is normal and tolerable for your vision of this relationship afterall, by facts, rewarding him with your availability and presence as a result. I don't think you should forgive this, especially if it's out of fear to lose him. He willingly, consciously, gets another woman, hides it to you the most he can, destroys your trust, and in exchange you give him your forgiveness? He destroyed the relationship by himself and consciously, just he didn't warn you of that (and he would have not warned you at all if you didn't discover by accident). Any relationship (healthy, working, with a perspective) is first of all based on mutual trust.
Generally, you don't trust your partner ever again after things like this happen. I read a lot of stories of wives trying to give it a chance but never recovering their trust in their cheating husband, for very long and getting in continuous problems because of that (becoming overcontrolling, paranoid, anxious etc), and it just makes sense, it's not something to be blamed for. He willingly destroyed the relationship "agreement", now he walks on eggshells, well, what then? He decided willingly to do so, now he gets the minimal obvious consequence and? Don't even let him complain or justify himself, please... It's not like he was drunk or didn't know what he was doing.
Nonetheless, getting another woman before having the minimal decency and respect of closing the current relationship first, is a symptom of immaturity and cowardice, not a good business card for the future, in general.
The fact you'll stay away for a year of military service is actually a blessing because you'd have enough time to overcome this and move on to a new page of your life, without him interfering, and perhaps a new man who pays more attention and respect.
Remember that if you forgive him because threatened by the risk of losing him, you are giving him green light to get away with it without consequences, making him learn that this is a possible term of your relationship: he can cheat, and nothing tragic will happen.
The risk of losing him is the risk of losing an immature cheater, so it might not be a great deal once you elaborate the real person he is.
And trust this: if you break up and will feel like complete trash and not able to trust anyone anymore, and maybe will try even to find causes in yourself for "making him cheat" (don't, that's not how it works), trust 200% that time will heal, if you let it heal (as in, you don't get back in contact with him while you heal). Time will heal absolutely for sure and your life will get rearranged, you will survive and new options will open. Overcoming a love trauma when it looked impossible at first, eventually happens to literally every person on this planet, you won't be an exception!

I'm definitely for breaking up, especially because it's a short relationship without kids I hope and you are on time to break and recover faster than a longer term situation.
But, you can read this:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201703/after-cheating-restoring-relationship-trust
This article explains how to regain trust, but the work is A LOT and should be done without mistaked, and especially is not to be made on yourself! It's all to be made on him, from him, with his willpower and commitment to follow these methods. To stitch the trust back he must engage in a different communication style, fully (sometimes painfully) honest, completely transparent, like in this article. This is not something a liar is used to do or is even familiar with, and it's quite difficult to set up, that's why I vote for breaking up.

[Thepumpkinhead]

Oh shit. Lady, believe me when I say a cheater will always be a cheater. I know a lot and it just run in their blood to cheat.

You're either going to break up with him to save your sanity or you will have to turn a blind eye to everything and stay with him, doesn't matter if you get cheated on.

[Thepumpkinhead]

by the way are u married?

[Anonymous]

You should have mentioned military first. I’d have said not a good idea to date a person in the military. It takes a very special lady to stay w a military man because they’re always gone. I should know I was there for 10 years. Men in the military know women love them, especially in other countries. Man there was so much poon tang coming at me I was like a kid in a candy store. Especially at a young age damn!!! You could try to stay w him, but the odds are seriously stacked against you. Chances are he will do it again if you take him back because he knows you couldn’t be w out him the first time it happened.

[Anonymous]

You want to forgive a cheater? That's how I know you are a cuckquean.

Not my thing really. But if that's your thing, go right ahead and be with a cheater.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I'm sorry to tell you this but it's best for you to let go. @thepumpkinhead is right. And he demonstrated it himself. You caught him and he lied. You caught him again... and what did he do? He lied again. He will continue until you can't take it anymore.

[es20490446e]

Since trust is the base of a relationship, liars are out of the equation.

[maximumpower]

Is he screwing her?
If not, no problem.
If he is, then walk.

[LazerBean]

You break up with him. That's all there is to it.

[Anonymous]

Block and dump that fool.

[Anonymous]

Once trust broken..
Never try to fix...

[Anonymous]

🤣🤣🤣