I cheated. What are my next steps?

Question

I cheated on my girlfriend. I told her. She is giving me another chance. so here is where my question is - the girl I cheated with, I don’t have her on social media (I’m not on it) I just have her phone number. I deleted it, but then I added her back. We aren’t speaking or anything, I just need someone outside of the situation to tell me why I added her back because right now I can’t think straight.
thanks everyone

oldasIfeel22 · Accepted Answer

The fact you added her back tells me that deep down you are not 100% remorseful for what you did. A part of you still wants to do this.

Your girlfriend must really love you a lot to forgive you for this. Most women wouldn’t forgive you for this (nor should they). So what are you doing with your 2nd chance? Sounds like a part of you wants to squander it.

You can do what you want man. It’s always easier to get other women when you are taken. But it’s entirely possible that your girlfriend could dump you and you will be single again. Then after being single for a while you will discover what a huge pain in the ass it is to find a decent girlfriend again.

Women are scientifically less attracted to single men. The sugar high you are experiencing right now will wear off when you go back to square one. It’s funny how quickly taken guys forget the struggles we had to go through to find someone.

There are consequences to your decisions. You need to look to the future on what this could result in. The noble yet very painful decision is to tell your girlfriend that you don’t want to cheat again but you shouldn’t be in relationship right now because you respect her. She obviously doesn’t want you to leave since she forgave you. But you are making us other decent guys out there look like scumbags right now. Don’t do this shit.

In all 3 of my last long term relationships I had several opportunities to cheat but I did the right thing and refrained. It really pissed me off that all these random women came out of the woodworks when I was taken. But still I didn’t give in. I also didn’t mentally justify cheating since I have been cheated on before. It’s not a zero sum game.

Yeah I am single and lonely right now but I kept my principle. I know there are still decent women out there who will respect me for that.

Twalli · Accepted Answer

Because you can't forget her

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

"What are my next steps"... Grow up... Leave both women alone, seeing as you aren't thinking of either of their feelings, just your own... "why I added her back " because obviously you don't really love your girlfriend or appreciate the second chance she's giving you... Or because like most cheaters who get away with it once, you'll try to cheat again... You keep that chick's number to have an easy back up plan/side piece, but does "she" know that's all she is to you? Cuz chances are, just because you added her back don't mean "she" wants anything more to do with you... And lastly, you most likely have narcissism😊

Crazyb33 · Accepted Answer

If u cheated there’s a reason and for u to still have her number that means u intend to call her or text her again

Paris13 · Answer

Everyone Makes Mistakes. Choose One. Good Luck. xx

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

I assume you been cheating your whole life or did this just pop up out of nowhere? Because if you are a constant cheater, adding her number back could be seen as you going through the motions and not understanding it. Still, that’s a far far reach and the only good thing I can say about this situation you have put yourself in yet again.

I get it. You delete her, then think “What if things don’t work out with my girlfriend.” Rationalization is the second strongest human drive. We try to convince ourselves that she’s really just in our phone because I may need someone to talk to.

We both know one day your girlfriend will irk you or you all of a sudden get hard for this other chick. So their you are. Cock throbbing, girlfriend gone. It’s a sure thing, why not?
The reason I say why not is that it’s short lived. Your happiness that is. You go over there, you fuck her brains out, clean up, cuddle, whatever. Then you go home and have to put on a show all day. You fake it. You might even get paranoid your girlfriend is cheating on you, etc.

Long lasting pleasure is forever being with the person you love and disciplining yourself. It will feel weird at first, but it will ultimately feel good to have some dignity for yourself.
Good Day

NyceGuyFinishingLast · Answer

I can't believe you don't know what to do. You are the reason guys are viewed as brainless. You cheated, you fessed up, your girl forgave you, and you are the girl's number back in your phone for what reason?

That is a dickhead move and if you are needing advice to do the correct thing then you are not an adult much less a man.

Grow the fuck up and step your life up. Either treat that girl with the respect she deserves for giving your sorry ass another chance or leave before you do more damage. It is people like you that makes me want to start throwing punches to throats.

Levin · Answer

You're not committed to your girlfriend or committed to monogamy. You know this deep down.

The reason you added her back is so that you can potentially stick your willy in her at some not too distant stage in the future.

Has the emotional impact of this on your girlfriend actually impacted you or hit you in anyway?

The girl should have not taken you back, in my opinion.

I also found the portraying yourself as not in control of, or disassociated from, your behaviour as a little strange, tbh.

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

Well, your girlfriend is giving you a second chance because she loves you and thinks you'll stay faithful and loyal to her. Do you love your girlfriend? If not then break up with her. If you do, then delete the phone number and stay with her. You can't keep cheating on your girlfriend when she's giving you another chance. Doing so just means you should end the relationship with her. And if you say "But wait, I don't want her to date another guy." then that's how she feels about her boyfriend. She doesn't want you to date another girl.

Pasiton5 · Answer

Brother it is not that serious to where you have to kill yourself, some people are just west too whatever forget about them, listen if you love your girl know she's the one for you then do what it takes to keep her a good woman is hard enough to come by, so don't risk losing her For some fly by night chick, now why you kept her number, don't you know yes you do, pussy was good damn good that's why but good pussy isn't worth losing s good woman over, stay strong and committed or stay single not fair to your girl, cool, take care brother

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

I don't buy the presupposition that our motives for doing what we do are obscured from ourselves. Fact is you probably know exactly why you re-added her number; you just don't want to admit culpability for what that could entail. If your relationship really is more important to you than the possibility of monkey-branching into another affair, then you would seal the door shut on anything that could undermine the relationship. You won't delete her phone number because you don't yet *want* to remove the possibility of further indiscretions. Only when you decide what precisely it is you want will your reasoning become clear and straightforward. As long as you flitter back and forth on your intentions, then your thinking will remain muddled and contradictory.

Browneye57 · Answer

On update... FUCK the internet. You do YOU. People can and do say whatever the hell they want.

Now... on cheating. You added the number back cuz you obviously dug her enough to bone her. You can't get naked and fuck without developing a connection - that's how our brains are wired, ESPECIALLY for men - we connect physically. Women connect emotionally.

And the current girlfriend... do you WANT her? You want to keep her? If so, you'll grovel forever and she'll always suspect you. If you were truly in love with her you wouldn't have fucked around. So I say you need to do an inventory of your thoughts and feelings and CHOOSE. Personally, I would move on, but that's just me. I would find a woman I was so enamored with that I wouldn't ever cheat. Wifey ver 2.0 is THE most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, and I left my first wife for her after a string of affairs. Now together over 30 years. So it does make a difference.

SphynxUK · Answer

It’s obvious to me you aren’t into your girlfriend. Not because you cheated, but because she gave you a second chance and your only thought is to re-add the other girls number.

Did you ask for a second chance? I doubt it. Hence, you do not want to be with your girlfriend.
The other girl was a way out.

Do them both a favour, leave them alone and find out what you do want.

jahop · Answer

You probably added her back for attention or the excitement. If you want this to work with your current girlfriend. You need to delete all of her socials. If not, talk to your girlfriend and end your current relationship. She deserves better. Do you truly love her?

BlackBeauty90 · Answer

Let me get this straight.

You cheated. Your girlfriend was generous enough to give you a second chance. And instead of being a decent man, she should be proud of... you figuratively spat at her feet by adding the slut you slept with back onto your phone.

Do your girlfriend a favor. Get lost. You don't and never did deserve her.

Saluci12 · Answer

My boyfriend did the same thing as you. While we were dating, he used Tinder and added her to another messaging app. so he broke up with me even though I forgave him. because he didn't think he deserved me. But i’m still waiting for him to come back because I love him. I can understand your girlfriend. She gave you another chance because she still loves you. So stop being stupid and you know what to do if you really love her. Don’t ruin the chance she gave you. Delete her number and don’t ever do this again. Give her the best of you. but you shouldn’t be with her if you’re going to cheat on her again. Do not disrespect her loyalty.

certifiedalphafemale · Answer

Take your own inventory. That's called introspection. Why did you feel entitled to cheat and betray her? What was in it for you? What did you expect her to feel?

Why are you playing the victim when you betrayed her?

You might be a bit too self-centered if you think everything is all about you.

No, in fact, it's all about her.

She doesn't care about you anymore.

You might have had a self-absorbed parent who could not teach what they lacked themselves, but that's your responsibility.

Get some mental help. Learn how to humble yourself because the world doesn't revolve around you.

This is your answer.

You're hurt because someone has healed from your shit and has called you out on it.

You can't move on because you're guilty that you cheated on her. Learn your lesson.

Sucks to be you, and serves you right. I hope she never takes you back.

Tshier · Answer

I think asking other people to help explain why you readded her number and what that means is a bit redundant. I think you need to take a close look at yourself and what you want in life. From someone who has been betrayed before, here is a piece of advice. Either step up, be a man, and stay loyal or let go of your girlfriend and stop stringing her along and making her look like a fool. Let her find someone who is actually there to love her completely which it seems to me like you're unwilling to do for whatever selfish reason you're telling yourself. She forgave you and gave you another chance. By adding the other woman again, you're basically saying you don't respect your girlfriend, don't care how you hurt her, nor do you care about taking the necessary steps to work on yourself and make it right.

thathonestman · Answer

First off, telling someone to kill themselves on the internet is beyond idiotic. Grow up.

And to answer your question of what your next steps are? Leave the relationship. It'll never go away. You made a mistake in which there is no coming back from. Your girlfriend is giving you another chance - ok great. But the moment things get even the slightest bit off the rails, this will come back to haunt you again and again and again. Trust has been broken and it never comes back even if she says it is, or even believes it to be true. Deep down, it's always there.

Find someone else and don't make the same mistake again.

TruthBringer · Answer

Once a cheater always a cheater. The fact you added her back goes to show you're not willing to cut contact. Ditch your current girlfriend. The relationship is over. Don't let the "chance" you have been "given" fool you that things will work out. They won't. Next thing you know she will either ditch you or cheat on you aswel.

Anonymous · Answer

I think you don't like your girlfriend much. When you confessed about cheating, what were you expecting? Cause in normal scenarios, girls would just up and leave.

Lots of men (and women too) cheat but who goes up and confesses?

So either you deeply love her or subconsciously bored of her. Decide which is it.
It'd be best if you broke up though cause now she has reason to cheat on you.

Let's say she met a hunk somewhere. Before she'd think, "I have a boyfriend" but now she's gonna think "he can cheat, so can I". In her mind it'll already be justified and she's no idiot. She won't come and tell you, hey I sucked a dick today and he was twice your size...

pleasestopthis · Answer

You added her back to keep having sex with her again, someday, maybe... didn't you? If you really want to take this relationship seriously you got to cut contact with her completely because the flesh is weak and if you did it once, you can do it twice or thrice.

Anonymous · Answer

If tables were turned then your point of view would be different here. You added the number back just in case things went south and you got her to fall back on. to be honest, if you love her then you will let that cheating image go. It takes two people to love but only one to mess it up. When you cheat on someone it creates damage to their hearts especially when they did all they could to love you.

sheikalana · Answer

Your next step and if you truly love and care for your girlfriend is to delete the other girl's number forever.
If you think you might end up cheated on your current girlfriend one more time I think you just should break up with her because she deserves better than that.

IAmNoOnee · Answer

Honestly I would tell that girl not to get back with you. But I can somewhat understand. Maybe the girl you cheated on her with was a friend. Or maybe you were just lonely and wanted to talk to someone. I'm polyamorous so it's hard for me to not understand all sides in this. The best thing you can do is block her number if you dont want to talk to her again, but if you do, I'd suggest talking to your girl about it, that way she knows you dont want to do it again and you just want a friend. If she doesn't understand, then I can understand why she wouldn't. Just talk to her about everything. I may be a girl, and hate literally every guy out there, but I can understand the situation.

humanearth · Answer

Because you still want the new pussy. But once the old pussy is gone. You'll want want the old pussy back, because you like the old pussy better.

But now what you really want is to have both pussies and you can't.

Sounds like you fuckes the wrong pussy

rc321 · Answer

It sounds like your done with your relationship and that's why you cheated. If this is the case you will probably find an excuse to do so again, we do not know how your relationship is like or the why of what you did. Just ask yourself why you went back to your girlfriend and if it something you will do again, if so it's best to end it now for the both of your sakes.

RealMarek · Answer

At the moment it doesn’t matter why you added the number back. If you want to stay with your girlfriend, delete the number and throw out any papers with the number immediately. You can sort out why you added it back with your therapist later. Be better.

ct1243 · Answer

Your girlfriend is a fool to even take you back.
Secondly, the reason etc you can’t delete the girls number is so that you can cheat again.
Thirdly , once a cheater always one.

Your girlfriend must be lonely or desperate to even deal with a cheater.

msbrightness · Answer

Why did you cheat in the first place? Can you answer that? Are you envious of something the girl you cheated on has and wanted to insult her? Or has someone from your upbrining taught you how to self-sabotage by giving in to (probably unreal/fabricated) expectations another person leads you on to believe are genuinely possible.
I think more info (including on socioeconomics/backgrlund of all people involved) is needed before anyone could tell you what is going on.

Alpha09 · Answer

Damn I hope she gets her head out of her ass and leaves like she should have the first time, clearly you can't be trusted. Smh.

RachelBrooke · Answer

Don’t understand all the hate you’re getting in these answers. We all make mistakes, especially in relationships, and that’s ok. That’s how we learn and grow. Besides, I’m sure a lot of these women commenting haven’t exactly been loyal either 🙃

Kas19 · Answer

Because cheaters usually cheat again. Just break up with your girlfriend. This is embarassing.

Anonymous · Answer

I think you should take the chance she gave you and use it to show that you won't cheat again and that you will be loyal to her from then on. Giving you a second chance is her showing she believes you can be loyal to her. If you cheated because you stopped liking her, you should tell her that and break up, so she can find someone loyal to her.
If you add the girl you cheated with's number back, you should delete it if trying to be loyal. If you don't have feelings for your girlfriend anymore you should break up.

DarkCarousel · Answer

Your girlfriend is giving you a second chance and you added this other chick back. What are you thinking? You're playing with fire.

Lynx122 · Answer

You don't know why you added her back? Sure... I feel like you just don't want to know, you don't want to take any responsibility for your behavior.

Sarahr123 · Answer

And this is why ladies and gents, you should never ever forgive a cheater or give them another chance. This is the reason people have trust issues and lose faith in humanity. Scumbag.

Better_off_here · Answer

i will say that you were given a second chance so do not let her down again. make her the priority and let her see how you change not just tell her you will. do not let her regret taking you back and you cut off all contact with the other woman, change your number if you have to.

TwistedTube · Answer

uh. You either added her back because you actually secretly still want that intimacy with her. Or you (hopefully) just feel guilty and want to explain to the girl before ridding yourself of her again

exitseven · Answer

You are not ready to let go of her yet. Delete the phone number and never look back. Imagine the next time you check out her profile or look her up on facebook, you will turn into a pillar of salt.

iceland1 · Answer

Your girlfriend is giving you a second chance, not everyone gets it. Make use of it and be a loyal boyfriend from now on.

sensible27 · Answer

Troll question? Maybe wait and see what your girlfriend does?

buddysboy16 · Answer

Unfortunately, I think the answer of why will have to be answered by you. Next steps would be to learn from your mistakes and move forward in life

Anonymous · Answer

Simple. You are a greedy, insensitive asshole... Don't worry... karma is a bitch...

Anonymous · Answer

I think you should stay faithful for yourself first of all , in my opinion cheating will lead you for more problems in your life you will cheat friends works etc. You're not hitting the root of your problem you're talking about deleting and adding again. The main problem here is you , you should ask yourself will you stop cheating and what did cause the cheating what will hold you next time to not do it you may do it for a life time friend. Cheating is cheap thing.

MotorcycleMan · Answer

You know why you added her back. What is your plan?

DaisyM23 · Answer

Because you probably will talk to the other girl or do more and cheat again eventually

Agape93 · Answer

Because you’re probably reluctant on cutting her out if you can get away with it. Delete her and block her number.

DiegoO · Answer

Only an unhappy person cheats on their partner. Is your unhappyness greater than the happyness you feel in the relationship? According to your answer: stay or leave.

cookroach · Answer

Karma is a bitch, girls cheat more and this is karma slapping them in the face. That's if she didn't cheat, maybe she gave you a chance because she also cheated but Is hiding it.

genericname85 · Answer

why do we need to tell you why you added her back? you know that this means you're still interested. you don't seem ready to be loyal.

EaterPeter · Answer

We have a hard time let goof people / things. That's why you probably added her back. Treat it like any other addiction. Beware of relapse. Relapses are real.

Pterodon · Answer

Leave your girlfriend because you don’t love or respect her. If you did you wouldn’t have cheated

invalid1 · Answer

I think you added her back probably because you felt that your girlfriend gave you a pass just because she didn't react decisively.

Leavesbound · Answer

Don't be greedy, pick one and stick with her and forget about the other one.

Asianguy123 · Answer

my guess is you are not straight. I am transgender and I see many straight men come to see trans. I think you are just attracted by someone more masculine. I think you should find transgender who understand you more?

Anonymous · Answer

I think you should be openly polyamorous if you can’t be monogamous. It’s better than making promises you can’t keep. She will always remember and resent you and can never trust you again.

DCooper · Answer

Well, the girlfriend has set the precedent that it's okay, so...

Shihab91 · Answer

when you do a big mistake the best thing to do is to learn from it, whatever she gave you a chance or not apologize. show that you are trying to be a better person not just for her but for yourself.

Nicegirldaqui · Answer

You added her back because you're an asshole, idiot, not worth trust. Simple.

es20490446e · Answer

You added her back because you feared missing something. And that something is nothing.

Anonymous · Answer

Decide who you want to be with and be honest with the women.

DavidHart · Answer

i suggest u to make your decision already. With whom do you actually want to be with..

Anonymous · Answer

Go to a sexologist and check it out dude. If you are clueless an expert might help you better than anyone on this website.

I cheated. What are my next steps?

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