Do you think it’s mental illness when someone Loves you then all of a sudden Hates you then Loves you again?

Question

I can’t really put my finger on it and I have a constant question mark over my head , my ex did this shit to me and other girls have as well, It’s like you are the best thing that happened to this person , they treat you like gold , give you lots of love , intimacy and affection , compliment you then bam they treat you like you don’t matter anymore and start treating you like constant shit , saying constant negative things and wanting to be distant from you , excluding you from things when before they didn’t hesitate to include you so the second you throw in the towel and say fuck this and walk away to leave, they snap back to loving you again like you are the best thing that happened to them again , This has happened to me a handful of times with girls to the point I don’t trust it anymore, Is it just the girls I am picking or is this a common thing with girls? I canMt really put my finger on it because this has happened a handful of times , I always hear jokes that girls have multiple personalities but this shit is so fucked up like I am with a Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde , Anyone else experience this shit?

RangerBlue22 · Accepted Answer

Yeah I’ve had this happen more than once.

Basically women fall in love with the “idea” of wha they think you are. Men can do this too but women are more likely to want to be in a “love story”. They portray their fantasies of what they think you are to them. This is why some the mist successful ladies men either 1) keep their intentions unclear to let the woman fill in the blanks (they she hopes for) or worse 2) lie because they know women fall in love with what they hear. Totally not saying it’s alright for guys to do that but many get away with it

Also when women say “I love you” they are most often just expressing a positive emotion they are feeling in the moment. It’s not that they are lying but when a man says “I love you” it’s deeper than a just a positive emotion. It’s a pledge of loyalty. Men understand that loyalty is a value that doesn’t easily get swayed by emotions. That’s why most of us are careful say that unless we know on a deeper level it’s true.

Anyway emotions makes us human and a spice to our lives. But emotion is like seasoning to food. None of it makes the food bland but too much of it ruins the dish. There needs to be the right amount of it.

Truth is men are just as emotional as women. But most of us are better at controlling it. This is because we care about: 1) facts and rationale 2) deeper ideals that supercede emotion such as loyalty. 3) no one really respects emotional men unless they are extremely successful at something and/or famous

Anyway I remember one of my exes years ago saying “I love you” all the time. But I was cautious to respond and considering what she said/did to me later I am glad I kept my guard up (bitch cheated on me)

I remember the day she broke up with me and looked her right in face and asked “Hey Andrea do you ever wonder why I had a hard time saying I love you back a while ago? Because one day you might do THIS to me”’. She cried hard after I said that. She was in that moment painfully yet rightfully aware of the unchecked hypocritical privilege she had as a woman.

ShadezMcgee · Accepted Answer

It sounds more like a toxic woman more than anything, man. Unfortunately there are women out there that are like that and they are the ones you have to try and screen and filter out to protect your sanity.

One reason it can become a frequent occurrence is the level of self esteem you have for yourself and what you are willing to tolerate to go hand in hand with what you are used to. Codependency could be a big part of this.

My recommendation would be to remove yourself from the relationship and block her. Take time to yourself and avoid the dating game to focus on your needs from the personal level such as your physical and mental health and use that time to also see a therapist to isolate your flaws and learn how to deal and conquer them. Rewire your brain and fill up your self esteem again until you are able to respect your opinions and needs more and know when to walk away to keep your boundaries strong.

The more you do that, the easier it will be to find people who respect you for them. The people who may be used to your current behaviors may not like the changes you make, but if they truly care about you they will grow with your and stick beside you. If they don't, they leave. You win either way.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It’s not a great sign on their part no, they get all mad or frustrated and just let it out without thinking about you because it feels good of course to let anger come out, tbh I have gotten mad like that before with the only man I loved (which was completely new to me I had never got mad like that before) paradoxically it can be a sign of love, they ‘care’ a lot and don’t know how to manage their unexpected and deep feelings. But I have to say it’s mixed to wrong feelings like feeling entitled or jealousy. But normally I’d stay you can handle those feelings pretty quickly you don’t let them overpower you for days…Or maybe they are just like that with everyone and in many situations that points more toward mental illness of some sort I’d say… what do you think?

acooke-13 · Accepted Answer

I don't think it's a mental illness falling in and out of love, I think she was lying and being extremely toxic towards you. Sounds like narcissism.

TruthBringer · Answer

This sounds awfully familiar to one of my exes who is a narcissist.

So let’s see. You’re confused and you feel like her feelings for you are inconsistent. One day she loves you, the other she despises you, only to love you again and despise you once more. This is what we call lovebombing and discard. And that you were dealing with a traumabond (will get to this at the end of this comment).

Here is a list of the tactics common within narcissistic abusive relationships. And it sounds like the woman you were dealing with ticks some of these boxes.

Do you think it’s mental illness when someone Loves you then all of a sudden Hates you then Loves you again?

All these manipulation tactics create what we call a trauma bond. This is where you get used to the constant highs and lows of a relationship. Which is incredibly toxic but also mentally and emotionally scarring. This type of abuse leaves victims confused and ruminating for years even after the relationship with the narcissist is over. This is why these people must be avoided at al cost. But sadly, for most of us, it is already too late when we realize we’ve been dealing with narcissistic abuse. A real healthy relationship consists of two people prioritizing their relationship and always have their partner’s best interest in mind. While a narcissist only has their own best interest in mind, even if it comes at the expense of someone else.

Anonymous · Answer

This is called narcissist abuse. This was my ex, and she could possibly be bipolar. If you in a steady relationship or marriage, and this type of behavior is reoccuring; I would advise you, to strongly encourage them to seek help and be understanding, however you should not ever put up with it because that will torment you for years to come. Try to find some common ground with them, don't be afraid to be vulnerable, and what I mean by this is say is saying something to the affect, "Hey I understand there are something I myself or others do that may upset you, but this behavior is not something I understand nor am I able help as much as a professional"

For me, I have ADHD and so I am willing to admit when I fall short, I more than anyone; understand how much this sometimes is detrimental to other people when they are around me. But I myself realized how much it was affected me a sought out professional help. (Try something like this, find common ground) Consider couples therapy. Help her find support through a family member or friend she trusts. It can be very easy to wanna be so quick to judge them. But see it from their perspective. My ex was neglected when she as younger and was abused by her parents, this was very difficult for her and she has held onto this trauma for a very long time. As hard as this is to say, don't take it personally, but also don't be willing to put up with it.

Try every resource at your disposal to help her professionally, then after you have exhausted all of your efforts, I would do the most difficult thing and move on from her.

TheVigilantOne · Answer

This is narcissism it’s not healthy being in toxic relationships as it ruins you’re life, it also messes with your head, I’ve been in a relationship like this only she hit me as well and tried to stab me, I’ve now left her but she’s still harassing me on and off, women like this are scum and should be avoided at all costs, all the women I’ve ever met online are liars and fake so I’ve given up looking now as they’re all the same, maybe give it time so you can heal from all the toxicity you’ve faced and go out and live your life and I’m sure the right girl will come along, there must be some sane women out there.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Yes. I believe it stems from some internal trauma. My experience with women like this, is that they're highly insecure. They tout themselves as being independent but are very lonely at heart. I feel some do this to test a mans character and suitability. Most men get very hostile with this behavior, which makes it easy for these women to dismiss that guy as a partner. If you want to play this game you must exercise patience. Ignore them when they try to talk to you... but listen for what's important.

I won over woman who is like this and she became freakishly attached. Long story...

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Look up "shit test" or "shit testing" and read the definition from a few different sites. It's a thing women do in a more aggravating way than when men do it to each other... it's more of a joke when we do it. Women will do it and be all serious about it and like really make you question yourself... they're not just seeing if you're a big pussy, they're making judgment calls that go deeper than that.

I never said "all women" here, but I'm adding this because some fucking retard will have a go at me trying to call me sexist or some shit. So not all women, just enough of them that it turns into a definition that you can find on the internet.

Googlemyahoo · Answer

Yea. Same thing dated for 2-3 years she goes away to school

Cheated on, I said go FOAD.

Shows up crying apologizing. I say ok I forgive you. Visit her at college & treats me like POS so I tell her off return home.

Next day out clubbing I’m dancing with a girl I get shoved its my ex. Tells me to come talk to her, I go she starts questioning what I’m doing. I’m like wtf are you talking about? Treat me like shit at your school but at home you love me fuck off.

Takes off the jewelry I had purchased for her over the years tells me to have it back it’s meaningless. I toss it over my shoulder into the crowd. She runs out crying.

Shows up at my house the next day crying and apologizing this time I’m like water works aren’t working. You can leave.

bolverk · Answer

You are not the only one this kind of shit has been pulled on,
the easiest way to deal with it is to walk away,
it is the strongest move you can do,
when you do that and do not interact with them it drives them nuts,

Anonymous · Answer

It’s called manipulation.
There’s various forms of manipulation and this is one of them. Some people may react this way and may not even notice they’re doing it and causing you emotional stress. It’s a thing. But it’s definitely not a mental illness. It can definitely because caused by a mental illness though.

Account · Answer

It sounds like you attract women with borderline personality disorder.

Johnkandath · Answer

Me thinks it’s the way women sieve you perhaps emotionally and you are failing the shit tests try to ignore n see the difference indulge in ur passion or hobbies

as far as mental illness is concerned there is nothing like that God made each one of us perfect now it’s up to us to make use of it now if just b4 sleeping you allow negative thoughts it seeps into ur mind and stays it has to be removed subconsciously listen to some good spiritual song have gratitude n praise for Almighty He knows our weekness

annabananna · Answer

The love you hate you is common in borderline personality disorder.

TroyDT · Answer

No, it's simply the common mistake that people make of mistaking lust or infatuation for love. Lust and infatuation are emotion-based and anything emotional can flip on a dime. Genuine love is a commitment, so it does not do so.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Yes, I do. I know this chick who randomly messages me at random times, and then I message her back and then she doesn't say anything. I've told her already that I just want to be friends, so I don't understand why she has to be so weird about everything. Why can't she just act like a normal person? She definitely has a few screws loose up there.

Anonymous · Answer

She sounds like a narcissist to me. Some women only care about guys in how they relate to her. On the surface it may seem like they care about you but it's only because you are a part of her world. And so what affects you affects her in a way.

MementoMori_ · Answer

No. Love and hate are emotions that both come from the same place. They are closely related and both involve an extreme emotional connection to be had.

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

watercolor_lions · Answer

Not all women are like this. I know plenty that aren't. It sounds like you are attracted to toxic women though--a cycle you need to break.  Do you have a low, doormat self-esteem?

Juxtapose · Answer

That's called "splitting" and is common in borderline personality disorder.

Lookingforthetruth · Answer

It's borderline personality disorder. A lot of girls have mental disorder today brought on by poor household upbringing, cultural degradation, loss of morals in society and social media addiction.

Jamesshinobi · Answer

if all the girls did this to you, you are the common denomminator. its not them, its you. maybe you are the one that is bipolor. maybe multiple personality disorder. you should see someone about it. there are medications and people that can help.

AsaKyo · Answer

Guess they're just bipolar  Can relate

Coolcat99 · Answer

Yes because if you love someone one it should always be love

hIopinionated_ · Answer

No. I think they’re manipulative

rabbitzzz · Answer

But the redhead was hot though I bet.

VoyagerXCI · Answer

Get them tested for bi-polar, this is the only reason they are behaving like this.

jimmy2 · Answer

Try that in caregiving and watch what Adult Protective Services do. They do not go on evidence

dolemite89 · Answer

sounds like an alcoholic 😂

darkoflights · Answer

i guess it is a illness and im ill

berwise13 · Answer

That sounds like bipolar

Chelsdope0 · Answer

Yes lol I do this

ODC2112 · Answer

she is borderline

hafinjun · Answer

What else could it be🙂

TheAfrikan · Answer

Nope it is not.

pascalfornalz · Answer

cos your church tells you this?

kentlevi · Answer

Yes, totally

Anonymous · Answer

It sounds like a narcissist to me!

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