Fear of being vulnerable, of heartbreak?

[StormMistress]

I’ve been alone for a long time and whilst I desperately want to find my true soul mate I’m absolutely terrified of breaking down the walls of my heart and potentially giving it to another. I have severe trust issues and could not handle having my heart broken again.

But the otherwise of me just wants a family and to be loved so badly.

How do I break out of this fear? Too risk heartbreak again for the chance of real happiness?

[caring__1]

Learn to be observant. Identify patterns that are more likely to take you toward a positive or negative result. Never assume all people are alike. By using your list of patterns as a template when viewing a potential connection, it will be much easier for you to make healthy, effective choices.

If you look at your life, you realize you already have templates you use to make decisions. It's how you choose which movie to watch or what to order at a restaurant. Not all things that fit our template will be positive, but we're raising our odds of success by using that template.

Too often, people choose to be vague and general when meeting new people, as they don't want to limit their opportunities. This backfires, as it actually gives us more disappointments. The first step is to discover who you are. When you meet people, be clear about who you are and what you seek. You want people to appreciate you as you are, not for the potential you could become. By being accountable for your choices, you'll limit your experiences, yet the ones you have will be more meaningful and fulfilling.

[Mega_illuminati]

First of all, same.

Secondly, I dont think there is any sure fire way except a new fear. I started putting myself out there, quite recently, after I saw what happens if we end up alone. I was not well for a week. Almost dying. Couldnt tell family because they live in different country. Did not want to bother them. Friends were busy with some holiday with their spouses (similar to Valentines day). SO did not feel right to disturb them.

Ultimately, I got better, (thank god). And realize no one knew. If anything would have happened, people would have probably found out after smell. That scared me a lot.

[Kelly6]

for that first you only need a friend to build your trust

[Guy13]

Go be involved in the world. Good place to start. www.meetup.com

[DesertP]

Well, as someone with the same trust issues, I choose to be alone until I can deal with them. But, you have to let down your guard if you don't want to be alone forever. Get to realize that your trust issues are someone else's doing and not entirely your fault, but holding onto them or worse, taking them out on a new mate who deserves your trust is not only unfair, but damaging to any relationships you may ever have. Make sense? Get your confidence up. Know that you are worth being loved by others and by yourself. If I asked you to list everything you love, how many would you list before " yourself" was one of the answers. Work on that girl. Best of luck

[Sixgunsound]

The problem with testing the water in a safe way that you can quickly extract yourself from in a relationship setting doesn’t really do justice to you or the other person, because the other persons going to know you’re being fake. You’re either in a relationship or you’re out of a relationship, and no, hook up culture is not a relationship.

[exitseven]

I was just like that. One day I just decided that I wanted to change. I was hanging out with a girl and I was really falling in love with her. I either had to put up or shut up. I finally told her how I felt about her. It was scary as hell but it sort of changed me. Yes, when you have a relationship with somebody you are giving them the ability to break your heart. Relationships are often awkward and it is hard to navigate sometimes but they can be really awesome too.

[Havthrills]

Very good question. I gave up and won't let my heart get broken. If something happens and she don't want me, we'll ok then. It sucks to be in this place, but I'm not going to hurt over someone again. I'll pick myself up and be alone for a while. Lol. What built up your walls?

[Guanfei]

There's only one way to do it, and it's trying your luck. Maybe it won't work, maybe it will, but if you don't try, you can be sure you won't have anything.

Don't end up like me, a bitter lonely rat, you're lovely, you deserve to find your other half.

[AviatorTom]

Everything we do in life has risks. Crossing the street... could be hit by a car.

Take small steps to get over your fear of rejection. Go have lunch with a group of friends, then pick one or two to do something together.

[Vectus_Valorian]

I'm in the same place as you and what motivates me is missing out on potentially great years.

We are only getting older, the pool is smaller and the baggage is only getting heavier.

It won't hurt any more to try now than trying in the future.

If anything it's only going to get harder.

[Nik1hil]

Don't look at me, I have never been in a relationship, i got my heart broken in unrequited love, I might be more scared than you..

My walls are up but I made a few window's so i can so stuff from windows, don't need to lower my walls

[DryGermanGuy]

Well, you can’t have the cake and eat it, too!
Instead of aiming for that mythical soul mate, why not „just“ look for a decent partner and go from there? 🤔

[007kingifrit]

you just have to get hurt sometimes. it's not a choice, you're hurting now from not wanting to get hurt. it's best to remember the times you were hurt you were younger was when people were less mature. it's not so bad when you get a bit older

[pizzalovershouse]

Get to know a guy for a year by not looking at them as what you can change but if they are easy to get along with an find out if they have a bad temper to

[User3191989]

Only way to get over ANY fear, is to simply face it. I know it's tough but that's the ONLY way

[AmeerX]

You need to get in your mind that your goal should be marriage

[Jouth]

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

[Gooddaze]

If you stay too guarded you will never find it.

[Alex8736]

that's why you need to take things slow

[Xtendable]

Is progressing via baby steps an option?

[msc545]

good luck.

[EaterPeter]

Yes.