Ever since I was a little girl, When and if I catch feelings for someone, it freaks me out. As if I am stuck in the same room with a bear and I need to find a place to somehow get out and stop myself and them from developing any more feelings.
What’s wrong with me?
Is it common to fear being hurt by someone you care deeply about? Yes! Everyone feels this way. It's part of the human experience. But everyone has a different tolerance or intolerance to this feeling of vulnerability. And some people, like you, even fear developing feelings for someone, and will do everything to avoid even the chance of this happening.
This was interesting, your response to someone:
"Before my ex moved in with me I was freaked out. My ex said- You are not allowing me to love you, I want you to allow me. I’ll stay with you if you allow me. I won’t touch you until you are ready. So he moved in. Then my anxiety went away as we lived together and I was really happy. Past 1 year after break up I have been feeling scared and anxious just like I did at 21."
So, you're aware that what scares you could also be good for you. And that there are rewards and dividends possible. And you're going back into therapy. Good for you, girl.
It hurts like hell when someone breaks your heart. Why does it hurt so bad? Because humans are a social species, not designed or fit for total isolation (despite what many may claim.) We need a community. We need appreciation. We need love. And isolation used to cause death (a bit less so nowadays, in this more organized and service-rich society, but loneliness is being studied at length, and it is actually a cause of death), so, said a psychologist I read, it feels like we're dying because evolution (and our amygdala) has taught us that connection = survival. And can bring great joy at times. And comfort in hard times, times of need.
We can't always convince another person that the bond we share is good, and right, for both of us. And when they choose to leave it, you don't know how you're going to now I've without them. They grew into your life, and you into theirs. It feels like they live inside your heart, occupy a space within it. Maybe that's why, once they leave, it creates a void, and that part of your heart feels like it dies, decays, and becomes brittle. So, you learn to self-protect. You don't want to open yourself again. It hurts too much.
But if we never did, never do, we'd live lonely lives. Never connecting with anyone is more sad than heartbreak. And heartbreak is almost unbearable sometimes. But we measure, and remember heartbreak. Loneliness is more difficult to. It's like the difference between acute pain and chronic pain. And it relates to how the body stores trauma. And memories. But make no mistake, they both cause pain, and are a loss. One, of what you had; the other, of what will never be.
You have to risk sometimes. Not impulsive, random risks, but carefully calculated ones. You weigh the odds, the risks vs. rewards, then make a decision, and go with it. And you can't berate yourself after, if it doesn't work out. You have to sometimes trust people, trust possibility. The most common lament on death beds is the chances people didn't take, didn't seize. They don't regret the things they did, so much, because in those, was bravery. And bravery is something to be commended for.
Your question being "is it common" to be scared to have feelings for someone, simplistically raw as it be, deserves a such response : yes. Plenty of us have some anxiety heck even fear about being overly attentive to another person to the point of showing vulnerability-if it gets to that.
Normal human sentiment, in my view.
Well... I'm not sure about feelings in general, but I'm sure wary of developing unreciprocated feelings. Mutual feelings are fine and natural, though if we're talking about romantic feelings, they are supposed to fade away after 3 years (so it's not like the madness is incurable, it actually cures by itself). Unreciprocated feelings might be considered natural as well, but they are truly damaging to the affected person's self-esteem, so they are definitely something to be wary of (and I wouldn't really want to treat this kind of fear, as it's actually beneficial).
It makes perfect sense to me , when you attach yourself to someone you are creating a massive vulnerability , and that's a massive risk to take , you want to trust that person , but how much can you really trust them? So the feeling that you begin to feel , although intensely positive , has also a massive possibility of negativity , and that's all a bit frightening , thus it makes you push back and try and find something wrong with them.
Opinion
19Opinion
u Have you ever loved a romantic partner?
I love developing feeling for someone. It sounds like you have a fear of commitment with your anxiety. It's really sad and I hope therapy works for you.
There is always the risk of a breakup as you discovered however there is great happiness when you open your heart and let someone love you and you love them. It's those feelings that make us who we become in life.
you are highly sensitive, you fear something... either intimacy or separation?
Deep lies can occur very young, when we are not able to process it.
separation is the problem. Seek Christ in your heart. Find source of the wound and healing for the inner child.
yeppers, there are always the trust issues, and what if I get hurt?
But at some point, if you do not take a chance, you will be safe, but all alone.
Getting hurt sucks, but it is part of life.
You get over it, get stronger and get right back out there.
Yes because you're making yourself very vulnerable to another person. So its why you wanna make double sure you do it with someone truly special and who cares/loves you.
My friend's stepdaughter was like this until she moved in with her boyfriend, now she is more normal. Her mom is not very affectionate and didn't tell her "i love you" very often, and her dad abandoned her at a young age
Should be. Feelings can overwhelm logic and cause one to make really bad choices.
Very common since it makes you vulnerable to the other person if they know about it.
Something I’m not familiar with. I haven’t intently sabotaged myself when I liked a girl I wanted to date, not merely just go through the motions. I didn’t really think about it and it just happened. See it, ya go for it. Try not to complicate things too much if circumstances will allow it.
I don’t think my ex would have appreciated it if I’d messed with her like that. We wouldn’t have enjoyed the time we’d spent together if I had. I think she liked that I was decided.
I'm not sure if it's common but I do know it scares the shit out of me for sure. I think I'm personally scared of being heartbroken again and the fear is some kind of self protection for that to happen ever again. But it really sucks 😔
I don't think that we're afraid to catch feelings. What we fear are the possible negative outcomes that follow..
It's very common, but it's probably also something you would benefit from trying to work passed.
Yeah its normal. Just remember to never get feelings for anyone ever:)
Sounds like you have a very very very strong desire to attach yourself to someone.
I catch feelings for little things like the car that's in front of me on a highway.. and get sad when the car goes a different way.. so it's fine
You are insane and female. A perfect influencer for today's generation!
Yes it is common
Very common. Especially if u are afraid of being heartbroken or to be took advantage of again
Only if I see red flags at the same time then I’m like very aware of how sideways things can go.
Yes, of course. Afraid of being hurt.
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