She says she wants to wants to find herself, and wants to pause the relationship for a while, am I overthinking or is this a sign of something bad?

[Anonymous]

Hello, so my girlfriend told me that recently she doesn't feel like herself, like it's a instinct feeling that she's not like her usual self (for example her name is Jessie and she said "I feel so lost and I don't feel like Jessie") I searched online and saw that usually this means that they lost interest in you. Is this the case? I am really worried.

[KennethNoisewater]

I will not sugar coat this at all for you just because I've been there. Without a doubt that her way of saying she wants to try some new dick. I didn't read any other comments because I know there will be a ton of horse shit. But with everything I just said, you got to give at least a little credit for doing it that way instead of going after the dick and crossing her fingers you don't find out. I promise you that way hurts a whole lot more. It's up to you how your feeling are going to handle this. I think there's three major ways. First, you can accept what I just said and go find yourself some strange during this "break" and live with her decision. Honestly I hope you fall for a new girl. One who doesn't need "breaks". Second option, assume I'm lying. Try to win her attention back and be crushed when you find out she is hanging with a dude and she tells you she has zero interest. The third option is the worst option and you really don't have control if this is the route you take. You can be heartbroken. Go into depression. Be absolutely miserable and very slowly climb back to be normal over time. If I were you I would highly recommend getting started on number 1. They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
I'm sorry you got to deal with all this. I've been there a couple times and it can be terrible if not handled properly. Good luck to you.

[Asker]

Thank you for your response, it's painful to imagine the possibility of breaking up, but I also wanted to add some extra info and see if that would change anything. So I talked to her about it and despite it sounding like a breakup she genuinely just wanted some time to herself, she says that she's only going to cut between me and her, but not her friends and family. We will still be friends, and then see what will happen. She says she's going to take a break for 5 years, which I expected was going to be only a few months. She wants to be in this relationship but she wants to find herself first. What do you think

[Asker]

She's also not the type to date or find other guys like that, since she only dates to marry

[KennethNoisewater]

I just wrote a big reply and I back out to double check your age for something and noticed I only read half of your first reply and the second reply. so I expanded your first comment and I'm really glad I saw and read the before I hit send. I was about to be a little blunt at the end to really hammer something in. But you don't need to hear that. Can I ask you something? You think she's really about to take a 5 year break. Dude she's not. Is she your same age? You guys are young. Just became legal adults. You free to do whatever and you really think she is going to take a five year break. TBH I was expecting you to say a few months too which I still find it funny.
{Real fast though, I want to apologize right now if any ladies are reading this for any reason. this next part of course isn't about. you}
My last breakup was my hardest. It honestly changed me as a person because I not only tried harder than I ever had before. I put in legit work. After five years she was caught cheating red handed twice. Once towards the beginning and the other at the very very end. I was a lot like you at one point and wanted nothing more than to be able to believe everything she said. I loved this girl so much and after five year I had barely given her a 10k dollar loan so she didn't lose items that could not be replaced ever. It was all sentimental. All family shit. She was 1 and a half days away from losing it. At this point I had caught her cheating 4 and a half years prior. it was a very difficult decision to keep her and I alive but for some reason that is the way it happened and since then I thought we were great almost five years of memories and laughter. Bare minimum arguments and never anything serious. I gave her 10k for her items. She got them back I made sure of it and two weeks later
(I got to make send a page 2. It's too long but basically already done. I just have just made my story way to long. I would totally get it if you stopped read. My bad, dude)

[KennethNoisewater]

was incident number 2. I was blind sided by it. I did nothing to deserve it. I was always good to that bitch. She started squatting at my house and I paid for her to live for like 3 and a half years in the beginning. I never stopped trying to help her out. I did tell her she was going to need to pay me back for the 10k I would have gave that to her but that was something I would do for a friend she obviously was not my friend. She turned into someone I didn't know. She threatened me with a harassment charge because I was texting her 3 times a day but she wouldn't even bother replying to me. My financial situation changed in a very negative way immediately after that went down just out of chance and now it's even more important that I get that money fast from her otherwise I would be living in a van in the middle of winter. Guess what she failed to take any initiative to get me money even knowing what I would be facing with the van. All because I helped her get her shit back. She acted like it was me who cheated on her. She didn't acknowledge the fact the I took care of her for years or the fact I put up 10k to keep her happy. I would beg her and she wouldn't even respond to my texts. By this time I was already forced to move into my van living in terrible conditions in the middle of winter. I had never been so crushed in my life. I'm just going to end the story there. She was my best friend we honestly had a great relationship. But women are cunts. Before this girl I never cared for relationships to often. I found most women don't want the nice guy I knew that but switched to nice guy her that cunt I was just talking about before her I had a motto you should keep by you heart and it never failed me when I stuck by it - Treat them like dirt and they will stick like mud. If you don't believe try it. If it doesn't work never use it again. But I bet you will. Good luck man. I'm rooting for you.

[KennethNoisewater]

Small side note: I don't want it to sound like I was balling out of control or anything. It was just the luck how everything just worked out at that time. I'm not usually in the position to toss around 10 grand like that. I'll be extremely honest actually I got hit by a car and I was a pedestrian. I had just got my settlement and literally had and extra 10 grand right next to my couch. I could have spent it on stupid shit I could I spent it on cool shit but I knew how much that stuff meant to her and she would have had a really hard time losing it. At that time we didn't have any issues that I was aware of. She was my best friend. I was always taught a friend in need is a friend indeed. Fuck. I'm so dumb for doing that. Last thing just to put the cherry on top. I still to this day never got everything owed and I thought one time I could make her a deal and cut down the price a little if she paid real fast. I ended cutting the price but still not paid. I don't trust them. Follow your gut always and stick by my motto. You got this.

[Asker]

Hello, I feel so bad for you man, it really sucks and I do hope that you find someone good in your life. To answer your question, yeah she's the same age, she's two months older than me. She did sound serious when she said 5 years and I was shocked by that too, but that was over a call. The break hasn't started yet and I'm really trying to like reverse or stop that from happening. Currently we are still happy together

[Asker]

You sound like a really nice person. I hope good karma comes your way and I really appreciate your advice, it makes me feel like I'm not in this alone. 😊

[YourFavoriteFriend]

Who's gonna tell him?

Ok list, this is a classic behavior. She wants to try out with a new guy but wants to keep you around as a safe option in case it doesn't work. I know it's hard but the sooner you learn, the better! Stay strong brother!

[YourFavoriteFriend]

*Ok listen

[Asker]

Thank you for your response, I'm not trying to defend but I just want to make it clear so I could get good answers, she's not the type to play with guys and find whoever is suitable and switch occasionally, she only dates to marry, and she's every serious about that too.

[entrepreneur_ghosh]

Yes it is. She is not feeling well with the relationship and that's the only reason. The only thing is that it's an external force or internal force? If it's external then it's dangerous.

[Anonymous]

That is code for it is probably over.

[Asker]

but we've planned great things together, we both said that we won't ever lose each other, I really hope that's not the case

[Asker]

Could there be a chance that it's not the case?

[YourFavoriteFriend]

No, it can't! People do not "pause" things when they are in love. The more you wait to end thing, the worse it will become. Break up, NOW!

[Asker]

@YourFavoriteFriend But technically, she's not really in love with me, we just like each other a lot

[YourFavoriteFriend]

Whaaaat? Wdym?

[Asker]

@YourFavoriteFriend Like we just like each other a lot, it's not up to the stage of love

[YourFavoriteFriend]

But you called her "girlfriend". I don't get it...

[Asker]

@YourFavoriteFriend yeah like we are girlfriend and boyfriend but it's an early relationship we still just like each other a log

[YourFavoriteFriend]

Ok, then either just give her some time or if you cannot wait, cut her out of your life and move on!

[cloud9vortex1234]

Its probably over.

[KayMay]

Bad.