Do you really need to be infatuated and in love with your partner?

[Vesuvius87]

In my relationship we have mutual affection, respect and trust. I have compassionate love towards him, we spend quality time, shared common interests, have a good communication, have no arguments at all and I'm fond of him. After all infatuation fades eventually and you don't live out of that.

I don't feel passionate love for him. The infatuation stage never developed. I'm not infatuated (in love) with him.

Yes

No really

Updates

1 y

We've been dating for nearly 11 months now and I've never felt infatuated with him but I've grown fond of him, there is trust and respect.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

It was always important to me but I'm the type that loves easily and infatuates rarely. I stopped even crushing beyond my early teenage years as an example, and the few times I really fell in love with a woman were long after we started dating.

I found so many good friends who would have made a best lifelong friend and even possible partner absent the passion. I seem to be oppositely wired from many people who find that hard to find but infatuation easy. What separated a "lover" to me from a "great friend" was that infatuation, and the great lifelong friend part was already a given.

For me the infatuation I have for my wife, while no longer 24/7 as it was the first few years into dating and marriage, still comes and goes in waves. It never disappeared entirely, and my memories of us so passionate that we could barely make it home without wanting to rip each other's clothes off, while not exactly something we find ourselves doing much these days, are permanently associated with her.

[Guy13]

You have the perfect "grow old together" relationship. Good for you !!!

[Vesuvius87]

Thank you. That's the most important thing to me. Our common interest is have a child soon.

[Guy13]

Good relationship here on the GAG...

[curlyfirecracker]

I believe relationships require work. I work to have that (what you've mentioned) BUT I also work to keep an infatuation, or as I like to think of it, admiration, paasion, and desire for my spouse. I don't want a lack luster relationship or mutual agreement. Just like communication, trust, attention, care, and respect take work, appreciating eachother sexually, keeping that excitement and desire for one another is important, in my opinion.

[LEETSBEREAL]

What you have sounds more like a contract rather then romance however these types of relationships exist and can be successful.

I mean there are arguments on both sides. If neither of you care about infatuation, chemistry and love then it's a non issue.

Also more realistic.

[realeyeofthetiger]

The infatuation stage in most relationships is temporary. It usually works as a hook to get someone interested... but it quickly wears off in about 3 to 5 months into a relationship. Eventually, most relationships after that are as @Vesuvius87 describes.

The infatuation piece can help with keeping the relationship exciting and captivating, but underneath its the trust, respect, friendship, admiration, and care that sustains it.

[LEETSBEREAL]

As I have said these relationships exist and can be successful. But the otherside of the coin is also true. Statics can give a more accurate reflection on what is the majority/minority in both instances. Otherwise all we can go on is experience and known accounts.

[LazerBean]

No, technically the only thing needed in a "partnership" is cooperation. But actual love definitely helps.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah I suppose having the two loves at the same time would be ideal. I guess time will tell if I eventually become infatuated with him too.

[FilmGuy93]

Passion isn't absolutely necessary, but you do have to be able to respect and cherish your partner.

[Vesuvius87]

Yes I do respect and cherish the relationship I have, which is peaceful and free of drama, not a sincere argument.

[FilmGuy93]

Love is a choice you make, honestly. The whole infatuation and "sparks" thing is not what you want long term.

[jshm2]

It's probably why he's banging your neighbour, and looking forward to cashing in on your life insurance.

Love and sex are glue in relationships. When they are gone, then you know everything else is just a spectacle and sham.

[Vesuvius87]

Well then why did he himself suggested (his words, not mine) for us to wait till marriage during our early dating stage? I thought that was a good deal as it took weight off my chest (I didn't need to stop him from making any sexual moves since he told me himself I wouldn't ever feel pressure during the relationship) and so I'm following through. We're in a sexless but romantic relationship.

[inhua]

kinda unfair to him, don't you think?

nobody knows the future exactly but who's to say you won't develop passionate love for someone else?

[Vesuvius87]

I still want to be with him though so not really. I'm still committed, just without the ''heads over heels'' feelings towards him.

[Jemini_Crocket]

I personally need that. I want to want him and want him to want me. I am rather spontaneous person though.

[likelyOK]

I think it’s better to be like you, but for me if I’m not in love I’m not going to get serious.

[TroyDT2]

I actual prefer the type of relationship you have. A relationship based upon "infatuation" is built on a flimsy foundation.

[Vesuvius87]

Indeed. I've experienced passionate relationship before where it made me feel we were soulmates and that he kept lying about marriage and kids... only to then realize it was all a lie. All that passion, those years wasted for nothing.

[DiegoO]

Yes, otherwise, what's would be the point not of been in a romantic relationship?

[DiegoO]

... the point of been (...)

[Vesuvius87]

I've experienced it once and it was the worst experience ever. He lied about everything.

[DiegoO]

But not having romantic love for who you call your partner, it's just conforming yourself with anyone and been afraid to open up your feelings.

I get that you had a negative experience, related to actually opening up your feelings to a partner you trusted, but letting that define each relation you step in, is seen in your new partner/s, someone who's not with you anymore, ergo: you're encapsulating your present experiences, into your past experience. Been so, you're living in function of your past.

[Anonymous]

In the long run, nah. But it's good to at least have that experience once or twice in your life. It's pretty amazing.

[Vesuvius87]

I had it once and nope it was a total waste of time, the worst love experience ever. He lovebombed me and kept me forever in the dating stage, as just his girlfriend. This contradicted his ''you're the love of my life''... yeah the love of your life but you won't marry me and give me kids (the promise he made several times, only to then give excuses, postpone things and later on mocked me), god damn you.

[Vesuvius87]

So nowadays I'm just straight to the point in what I want in life. I don't want to waste anymore time in ''the moon and the stars'' nonsense if he isn't marriage-minded.

[Vesuvius87]

Then he scammed me with money too, everything he ever said and promised, all that passionate love thing was a lie.

[Sparkie460]

The infatuation will come when you are together longer.

[dustybiker]

It’s lovely when you are.

[FreyaRed]

Yes, otherwise I lose motivation soon,.