When do you decide that you want to have a baby with your girlfriend or wife? Is it how long you been with each other or trust?

Question

I was just wondering because a friend of mine got his girlfriend pregnant and they been dating for 2 years.

quaranta · Accepted Answer

Babies are a big responsibility and people should start thinking in function of the childhood of the baby, not in function of their own ego of "becoming parents".
You have babies when you are both capable of providing financial stability, saved money, stable house, stable couple (possibly co-living from some years and seeing it's working well even after the initial infatuation period ends, that is 1-2 years), the couple proven to go through conflicts in a healthy way with good communication skills without ending up in shouting, leaving the house, push and pull, strong arguments and other scary things for the kid, and both partners are ready and believe each other would be a great nurturing, empathetic and educative parent, who could babysit any baby at any time.
These should be minimum requirements to grant a baby a decent life with a healthy psychological growth. Without these, it is possible, but it's gamble. And the baby shouldn't be a victim of this gambe because they didn't ask to exist, so it's totally a responsibility of the parents to decide when everything is ready or not. "Found out I'm pregnant" is something that should belong to 100 years ago, not to 2022, and that marks already the complete lack of responsibility sense of the couple, that doesn't predict a good performance in parenting, (that requires way higher responsibilities instead).
The behavioural, personality and moral problems a person displays in life, even when adult, are almost entirely caused by bad parenting they received during childhood. Behind a bad person or a criminal there is almost always a dysfunctional family.

Apple1996 · Accepted Answer

It happens accidentally for a lot of couples

GreenLanternI0I · Accepted Answer

For me, personally there are two most important factors that goes into such decision. 1. is she a mother type of woman and the only way to know that is to live with her for at least 3 years

2. how much money are we both making, because if Both of us are making less than $80K a year, I personally will Not commit to have a child.

Guy13 · Accepted Answer

Marriage and whenever it happens works for me.

Anonymous · Answer

Candidly, it was just what you might call evolutionary instinct and "doing what comes naturally." In my case, my girlfriend and I have had three children, the first two of which were unplanned. I also have an older son that I had with a woman with whom I had a one night stand. She did not tell me till years later - having decided to raise our son on her own and only tracking me down when she decided that our son ought to know his father.

In all those cases, except with my youngest who we did, more or less, choose to have, sex - and the consequences of sex, so to speak, - were just a man and a woman doing what nature made us to do. They knew I was not using a condom, and particularly in the case of my one night stand, I just assumed that if she was not using birth control, that she was ready to have a baby with me.

Grant, the stats for such situations are not good. The children born to unwed mothers tend not to fare well and as often as not live in poverty. However, with me, my attitude was that if I got a woman pregnant, that baby was mine - a piece of me - and I would love him/her and care protect him/her and his/her mommy.

In my mind, a woman gave her naked body to me as a result of our natural instincts. Sex, at its' best, is what a man and a woman do naturally and instinctively and while it is still good when there is "planning," so to speak, it is best when the human male and female are doing what nature made them to do.

To be fair, in the case of my gfd's and my first baby, I won't lie, I was wildly happy and also wildly nervous. I was not sure if I was ready for the responsibilities of being a father and caring for our baby and his mother. Yet at the end of the day, as in nature, the human male has to do what evolution made him to do - a sort of perpetuate the species obligation.

The funny part is that my girlfriend is sort of the mirror of that mindset. When we got together, she has told me, she just felt that a man and a woman were meant to give their naked bodies to each other and to make little lives that we care for and love an nurture.

Don't get me wrong, the kids have their moments, gosh knows. Still, for all the frustrations and tumult and costs, there is nothing like it when you hold that little person in your arms for the first time and as a man you don't know why, but you'll think to yourself - "Heck, I don't even know you little person, but I would throw myself in front of an oncoming train to protect you."

Then there are those moments when you come home, and they get all excited and welcome you home like some conquering hero. You did nothing more than go to the store to get a loaf of bread, yet they react as if you had just conquered Everest.

As I say, nature made us to make babies, naturally and spontaneously, and when you do, the rewards are beyond counting. It is not because you punched a clock or set some timetable, it is because evolution made you both to reproduce and make life.

Sappy, I know - but there it is.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

One would hope there were a lot of very serious conversations prior to the conception of the child, but that's not always the case.

My husband and I started dating in 2011. We got married in 2018. We have no children. We are both lukewarm about having kids. Our position on the subject is that if we were to get pregnant in the future we'd keep the pregnancy and be parents, but we're not actively trying to get pregnant.

I think babies should only be brought into the world by two people who have a genuine desire to be parents and raise children, and by parents who are able to meet that child's emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, and financial needs. I think you're doing a great disservice to that child and yourself otherwise.

Everyone who becomes a parent will do so whenever they choose, though.

Haha456 · Answer

Its unnecessary to have a baby with a girlfriend or wife. Because truth is, even if you do marry someone. You have a 50% chance of eventually divorcing them sometime down the road. I'm having a baby with a coparent (no dating, no marriage, no mess). There are a lot of couples who refuse to get married because they want the freedom to ditch each other whenever they feel like it. what makes marriage / romance a necessary step towards having children anyways? if everyone just wants an easy way to ditch each other?

Anonymous · Answer

Why have a kid... When i can enjoy a nice getaway where the rich people hang out?  No thank you. I never asked to be a slave and I'm not going to sign up for another episode of slavery.

TrueConfection · Answer

My husband and I talked it over and decided we wanted a baby, so no more prevention. The first time we didn't prevent... it happened. I was pregnant! We weren't even trying.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Sometimes it just feels too good not to pull out. Lol

LazerBean · Answer

It's different for different couples. My husband and I always knew at what age we wanted to have kids.

DevinAM · Answer

I'd want to immediately tbh though there is the matter of parenting styles among other things to worry about.

exitseven · Answer

We just let nature take it's course.

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

Never.

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